Just left my girlfriend

Hi everyone, Im new here. (very long post coming up, more like a short story...actually more like a novel) If you don't want to read it go straight to the bottom...




I'm 20 years old and have just left my girlfriend after two and a half years. I feel awful about it because I told her I'd never leave her (unless she cheated on me or beat me or something). Anyway, I imagine she's feeling devastated but heres why I did;

We'd been having problems recently (past couple of months) and she'd been totally different with me. I've always thought she was like two different people (im not just talking about moody). There was one that was really nice, who I loved more than anything and who loved me (hence why we'd been together two and a half years) and then there was the other person who didn't want to know me, wouldn't get close and who just wouldn't even talk to me if I had things on my mind. The thing is, I hadn't seen the former one for about two weeks at least.

Last weekend I went round to her house and she was feeling down, I talked to her a bit, and she seemed to feel a bit better. So then I thought, since were sharing things, I'll tell her all my worries (all I wanted was an honest relationship). I told her things like, that I didn't feel good about myself (apperance, career prospects - im about to finish uni) and that I was paranoid she was going to leave me for someone (I didn't tell her who, lets say his name was John - I dnt want to use real names!). I got no support after telling her all this and ended up walking home around one o clock in the morning feeling lower than ever (I'm not just talking about me being short either; sorry, I have a tendency to joke when im feeling down). Anyway, so after considering jumping off a bridge into the local river (not really to die, rather just to get the feeling, weird I know), I decided not to and didn't see her for about a week.

She then invited me a week later to go out (she'd pay). It was my group of friends (who she knew as well) and some of hers aswell. We went out and I'd get the bus with her. The bad night started there. At the bus stop I said 'I love you' to which she replied "I care about you, well I love you sometimes". We normally say 'I love you too'.
On the bus, she said "I'm getting my lip pierced..its my body". I mean, fine but she could have shown me a bit of consideration, like "I'm thinking about getting my lip pierced". Anyway, when I asked her why, I knew what was coming...."oh John's got his done...it looks cool" (or something like that, remember 'John' is the guy I think she fancies). So, the rest of the bus journey consisted of her telling me things she was doing (again not showing me any consideration) "im going to this place this day", "im going out to cinema with my friend this day" etc. I didn't react badly, Im good at staying calm (most of the time).
We got off the bus and met our friends. On the way to a pub, I made a joke, can't remember what it was but I'd never say anything nasty about her. She replied "Oh, well your going to be single soon anyway". Now, whether she was joking or not, thats crossing the line. I quietly said something like "I hope your joking" and she didn't reply.
Moving on, a random woman kissed my hair (because its a big and a bit crazy..like an attempted afro) and when we got out the pub I said to my gf, 'by the way, she kissed me'. She replied (in front of my friends) "oh well I don't see why, your not exactly attractive". That hurt me, even though I know I'm not.
Anyway, we get to the club and she meets this 'John'. No sign of the group she was supposed to be meeting. She leaves me to go in and I get lost (as usual) and don't find anyone for about half an hour (Itend to get very lost). When I do find them I don't sit next to her, (as shes kind of on the edge, and if I did I'd only be able to talk to her really, and thats something she hasn't been doing all night). So I sit next to a mate and 'John' comes along and sits next to my gf. Fair enough I thought, except she moves closer and is totally flirting with him. She goes off with him (to this supposed group, who I never see for the rest of the night) and I don't see her much until the end (when I do, I kind of ignore her because of course im feeling depressed and angry with the night so far).

Anyway, I see her at the end and shes wearing a random jacket (I wonder whose it might be?, I thought). "oh its Johns, we were outside and I was cold". The thing is, were inside now, on a packed dance floor, and shes still wearing it and continues to do so.

So, as you can imagine, I wasn't feeling great about myself and the relationship. After thinking it through, I decided to send her an email, basically telling her everything she did to upset me and what I honestly thought about her (that shes like two different people) and that I felt the relationship shouldn't go any further. I did it by email because if I'd have gone round, I'd have seen the nice side of her. I told her that aswell.

She replied minutes later with "Oh, well I guess its over then". I just said 'yeah I guess it is'. Later on in the night, I got another email saying "Look i'm sorry if I hurt you but I do love you and wish things could have been different". I haven't replied since (this was all on monday night by the way but it seems like forever ago).
I got home last night to find she had dropped her stuff off that I'd ever given her (teddies, eternity ring etc) and that she'd also given me back the photos of me and her...ripped into pieces (some which dated back to when we first started going out). I've never felt low in my life because I don't know if I've made the right decision.

Basically what im asking is, should you be with someone if you only love a part/side of them? I know that the nice side of her is devastated yet I keep forgetting the things she said and did that night. Any thoughts would be much appreciated