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It's over.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Wow, this hit me like a freight train at 1am. I thought things were going quite well, and she informs me that they weren't; and for the last week she hasn't felt like talking or seeing me. She says she loves me a ton, and cares about me, but just isn't sure what she is feeling. (She, nor I have ever had any other real relationship; and we've been dating 31 months now.)
We broke-up, with the stipulation that if she changes her mind and realizes it's a mistake, that she'll call me. I keep hoping she'll call, but I keep thinking she won't.
It wouldn't be so bad if I knew she wasn't happy, but she seemed overly happy and everything.
We both cried so hard in that car last night, then I asked for a hug and it was the hardest thing to let go ever... The next hardest was cleaning out my room from all her stuff she had given me and pictures, then the next hardest was going to bed. (She usually calls to say goodnight every night.)
I'm getting through it better than I thought, but it just feels wrong; I feel empty, and it feels like none of this really happened. I don't want to be without her, I felt like it was something real and something to hold onto.
I'll be fine, I mean, I'm still living, and not being a bitch about it, but it just doesn't feel right, it feels like we were meant for each other.
I guess if that's true she'll call me back sometime. *sigh*
This was more of a rant, but any words of wisdom would be amazing right now.
We broke-up, with the stipulation that if she changes her mind and realizes it's a mistake, that she'll call me. I keep hoping she'll call, but I keep thinking she won't.
It wouldn't be so bad if I knew she wasn't happy, but she seemed overly happy and everything.
We both cried so hard in that car last night, then I asked for a hug and it was the hardest thing to let go ever... The next hardest was cleaning out my room from all her stuff she had given me and pictures, then the next hardest was going to bed. (She usually calls to say goodnight every night.)
I'm getting through it better than I thought, but it just feels wrong; I feel empty, and it feels like none of this really happened. I don't want to be without her, I felt like it was something real and something to hold onto.
I'll be fine, I mean, I'm still living, and not being a bitch about it, but it just doesn't feel right, it feels like we were meant for each other.
I guess if that's true she'll call me back sometime. *sigh*
This was more of a rant, but any words of wisdom would be amazing right now.
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What makes girls think that "I love you so much, and care the world about you, but I don't know what I am feeling." makes a break-up so much better?
Are they actually honest? I have never figured out how you can love but leave someone. Or are they just lying through their gritted teeth?
One might never know.
Condolences Satai, this is the hardest stuff to go through, especially if it comes so sudden. But out of experience and observation I can safely assure you: It gets better, sometimes sooner or later. So chin up in your get-better phase.
As you probably recognized yourself: I would not wait for her call.
all the best.
The one time I said it it was honesty...sometimes loving someone isn't enough to make a relationship work.
To the OP, just hang in there, you HAVE to go through the feeling like crap unfortunately before it can get any better, the only thing you can do is try and keep yourself busy and with friends so that you're not sitting on your own thinking about it all the time. Hope things get better soon!
Sometimes love ISN'T enough if there's a connection missing, and love and familiarity are easily confused. I'm going to go against what everyone is saying - she MIGHT call. I might call. She might just need time alone to sort her head out and figure out what she wants without the emotional burden of your feelings too.
I hope she calls. But if she doesn't, take comfort in the fact that you deserve someone who wants you 100%.
What she said
:yes:
It's wierd, because I think the reason I am not as down as I thought, is that I really think she'll call me. I talked to her sister today whom I go to school with, and she said that last night she was emotionally 'unstable' and was crying the entire night, and wanted even to call me that evening.
Strubbles: We've been entirely and brutally honest throughout our relationship, and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't just tell me something to make it better; and I feel slightly secure knowing that she wouldn't.
Butterfly: That's interesting, it sounds -very- similar to what we had. It's been a bit off for 6 months or so, but not enough to call it quits. The last 2 months, things seemed very good, but she disagreed.
Firefly: Agreed, love doesn't make everything work. I sure wish it did.
Oddly, her sister mentioned that she though her turning 18 kind of freaked her out, because she was already in a "settling down" relationship rather than out having fun. I'm wondering if she's trying to figure out if she is missing anything by being in this relationship. *shrug* Either way, I'm going out tonight and see for myself. (I hope she does too, then she can know what it's like without me.)
Thanks again guys...
Maybe she isn't going to call.
I purposely left my facebook/myspace status as with her to show her that I'm not in any hurry, but she already changed hers.
Not sure why that was so painful to read... :no:
I've found a lot of r/ships at your/our age, that even though it might be going so fantastically well, one may be getting cold feet, not wanting to be with the one person for the rest of their life, wanting to go out and date others. It's harsh and IMO selfish (cos I was on your end - happened to me) but that bitch called 'time' is all that will help.
blessings of the 21th century.
And you guys are right, Facebook is a gift because it shows how she feels, but at the same time, is horrible because I keep looking at it and can't drag away. (At night, days are fine.)
Tonight I went out with the guys, and it was fun, but I've found four issues I now seem to have:
1. I feel like not getting into a relationship because they'll just end it again.
2. This girl is pretty much the only one I've dated, ever, and I'm worried that I'll have quirks from that experience that aren't 'normal' dating ways that I developed from being with her. I wouldn't say insecure, but unsure of -everything-.
3. I know I want the girl to be a friend before hand, I am not the type to be comfortable with just asking a girl out, I want her to be a friend before, and I know that makes it near impossible to find another one when I really don't know many girls as friends.
4. Unfortunately, I want a girl who hasn't been "around the block" so to speak, a good-girl, but I have no idea where to find that...at all... I pondered on church, but I don't want one who is too religious... I just know that nobody will fit like she did. We were literally perfect for each other, maybe too perfect of a fit I guess...
This is just so hard...
Don't go looking for a rship, cos it will come to you when least expected.
And right now, you need YOU time. You may feel like you need someone there, cos it's the norm, but you shouldn't even think about a relationship atm cos you need to give yourself time to get over her. If I was you, I'd go out, hang with friends etc, but I would give myself maybe 6 months to be ready for a new rship. You were with her for nearly 3 years after all.
*hugs*
You havent done anything so theres still hope. Chin up xx
And yes, the bar is set awfully high for me...Bah...
Ghost: Yeah, you are probably right. I shouldn't look into things like that, and no, I haven't done anything for her to be mad about; so we'll just see I guess. I need to stop waiting for her to call, because I seem to be waiting for it and it's probably unhealthy and unreal.
On a side note, you're beautiful ghost. :thumb:
Thanks... and I'm sure I'll have an update to share with soon.
It sucks when you haven't been a c*nt to the girl and you still get dumped! I think it's fair to say it'll get worse before it gets better, unless she calls you and you work things out, however that will not fix the underline problem(s) she has and it'll just temporally make you feel better.
As it stands now you may run through the motions of death as your relationship was very real and alive and now its ceased to be. Its natural mate and in time you'll find yourself a changed person. I'd suggest not rebounding but that's your call....
For now view Facebook as the work of the devil mate and stay away from it!! - I've had to delete and block exs, as it just too painful to see or view them... It may appear she having fun without you and moving on but deep down she having to start to deal with being alone!!
I've recently been dumped and it hurts like hell...I can't say too much how I'm feeling on here cos you never know who might see it :razz: - Anyway I'm glad things are going well for you but if you find that you get stuck in a rut thinking the worse and finding yourself unable to move on...give me a PM and I'll give you link to place that can fix you!
So if you can, try not to hold onto it. Great if she does, but don't hold onto it
After some lucky information exposures by prodding our mutual friends, she wants to get back together. She said it's a "Stupid situation" and "she feels the breakup won't last long."
So, that's good news.
Now the question: Do I take her back no strings attached? I'm concerned that we'll just fall into the same cycle of me thinking it's great, and her feeling like it isn't.
I definitely want to have her back, no doubt there, as nothing was lost in this deal except my security in our relationship. (But then it's strengthened by the fact that she wants me back.)
What should I do? How should I help her understand that I don't want to be messed around with when she decides to talk to me?
Any advice would be unbelievable at this juncture...
Honestly, if this was me, I would be happy to be out of the situation, and move on. You don't have to feel bad because you've made it YOUR decision now to move on, this is in your hands.
Balls in your court. Hard decision because you have lost trust in her and security in the rship. But I say that ALL relationships have a 50/50 chance of survival, what makes this any different?
Think about it hard. It's up to you.
Basically don't make same mistake I've made - if this bird is the one for you let her sort her head out and show you that she is in right frame of mind to be in relationship with you. Last thing you need is unstable bird pulling you down and messing your head up - keep your guard up and keep her at arms length for now.
Good luck!:)
Definitely planning on keeping her 'at arms length' as you said Harmless, that is the biggest thing I want to convey to her is that I can't take this happening again, because if it does, I most likely won't be returning. I think to an extent, it put things in perspective for each of us, which is good, but I really just need to find out what the problem is.
I don't know what it could be though, the only thing I am thinking is possibly that she's been taking some new anti-anxiety pills for the last few months, and she's become very happy, but her sex drive has decreased a -lot- and it says they can do that as I side effect. (Which she told me about.)
Think that could be part of the issue? (I'm sure sex drive effects romantic aspects as well, not just sex.)
She apologized, we made up, and decided that we both just need more of 'ourselves' time, but that we both realize how much we care about each other, and want to stay together.
(She said it made her realize that she couldn't go without me, and I was basically all she had in this world she could count on.)
Aw.
We'll see how it goes, but I think it helped us alot to go through this.
Thank you all so much for your moral support and advice, you have no idea how much it helps.