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how far is too far?
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
my girlfriend is a big flirt she is a very outgoing and friendly person and enjoys talking and socialising with new people, which is one of the reasons i love her so much there is a flip side tho,
i dunno if i'm being unreasonable or not, she also enjoys getting attention from other guys (which i accept is totally natural and i dont mind her feeling flattered and stuff) what does annnoy me tho is when she actively seeks this attention, i feel that now she has a boyfriend she shouldnt flirt, tease other blokes so much, dont mind a bit of friendly flirting but when its what i see as flirting in a pulling manner then i get a bit narked off, its not a trust issue cos i know she would never cheat or do anything to hurt me, i just think she sometimes crosses the border from friendly flirting to the other sort, dont think she realises shes doing it we have spoken about it and she tells me i've nothing to worry about (which i know) but i just feel she's being a bit of a tease,
like there's this guy at work who supervises her, she has no feelings for him at all, (i know this cos he asked her out before me and she turned him down) but he flirts with her and gives her attention at work and stuff, and she flirts back (sometimes giving a little too much encouragement) but the thing that annoys me most is when she gets annoyed that hes not flirting with her or giving attention to someone else, its a bit of a kick in the teeth when your missus is sulking cos some guy at work is flirting with someone else,
now i dont wanna portray my girl as a cock tease cos she's not she never oversteps the line in a big way, its more a case of they get too friendly and she doesnt tell em to back off unless they touch her somewhere too personal or go in for a kiss, now am i being unreasonable in getting jealous of guys wanting my girlfriend? i'm flattered and it makes me proud but i think she just leaves it a little too long to say back off i have a boyfriend
i dunno if i'm being unreasonable or not, she also enjoys getting attention from other guys (which i accept is totally natural and i dont mind her feeling flattered and stuff) what does annnoy me tho is when she actively seeks this attention, i feel that now she has a boyfriend she shouldnt flirt, tease other blokes so much, dont mind a bit of friendly flirting but when its what i see as flirting in a pulling manner then i get a bit narked off, its not a trust issue cos i know she would never cheat or do anything to hurt me, i just think she sometimes crosses the border from friendly flirting to the other sort, dont think she realises shes doing it we have spoken about it and she tells me i've nothing to worry about (which i know) but i just feel she's being a bit of a tease,
like there's this guy at work who supervises her, she has no feelings for him at all, (i know this cos he asked her out before me and she turned him down) but he flirts with her and gives her attention at work and stuff, and she flirts back (sometimes giving a little too much encouragement) but the thing that annoys me most is when she gets annoyed that hes not flirting with her or giving attention to someone else, its a bit of a kick in the teeth when your missus is sulking cos some guy at work is flirting with someone else,
now i dont wanna portray my girl as a cock tease cos she's not she never oversteps the line in a big way, its more a case of they get too friendly and she doesnt tell em to back off unless they touch her somewhere too personal or go in for a kiss, now am i being unreasonable in getting jealous of guys wanting my girlfriend? i'm flattered and it makes me proud but i think she just leaves it a little too long to say back off i have a boyfriend
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It's good that you've talked to her about it... But I think it's a bit strange that she's not tried to tone it down at all even thought you've expressed being uncomfortable with it... Doesn't sound like she's all that willing to make the effort to stop for you which would get me a bit miffed too.
Sounds to me as though she's making up for some low self esteem or something. People who crave that much attention seem to do so because they need to be reassured that people like them all the time cos they're not too sure about liking themselves. In which case, you should absolutly not take it personally as it doesn't reflect on how much she likes you, more how much she likes herself.
It might be self esteem issues, I've no idea - the girls I've known to do it seem to be fairly sure of themselves. Think of the song "girls just wanna have fun" pretty much sums them up...
yeah i know she would never be unfaithfull she loves me to bits, and yeah she does constantly worry about how big her ass, thighs and belly looks, she is gorgeous but doesnt really believe it, she doesnt actively seek it as such or dress particularly provocatively but she doesnt actively discourage the attention either, she gets uncomfortable about showing too much even when we're alone together,
well she has kinda toned it down when i'm around, she doesnt act like she's single or anything, just enjoys the attention a little too much before telling em to back off lol
Unless she's willing to change her very personailty, you'll be stuck in this position for the duration of the relationship! I've been you, and its not nice. It plays on your mind and drives you mad!
I'd have a serious word because otherwise it'll get worse. She'll say your paranoid, then you'll start to beleive you are paranoid then she'll play other little mind games because she'll be able top put more of her flirting down to this supposed paranoia.
Hope it sorts out anyway, bud.
Maybe you should speak to her because I bet she would fucking hate it if you acted how she does.
Well, I think you are not reasonable, but not in the way that you think...
You are REASONABLE that you jealous, but you are not because you jealous not as much as you should in fact...
It is worse then being a slut, to tease guys only for then to say to them that they have no chance, it is unfair, and it is bad...
And in fact I don't think it is reasonable to flirt with other guy if you have BF, call it friendly flirt or whatever... oh and I don't understand what 'friendly flirt" is at all...
You don't need to flirt with your friends... I can have friends, JUST friends, but don't flirt with them, and so they know that we are just friends and that's it...
Well, I think you are TOO tolerant toward her :-)
I think you need to stop being so accepting, because at the start of my current relationship, my bf made it perfectly clear that he wouldn't accept any flirting, because he sees it as a form of cheating, and thats fair enough. If it's made clear, and she wants you, she should stop this completely. Hope it works out ok, x
Isn't that a 'cock tease'?
cock tease
noun
1. (context, slang, vulgar) A person, usually a woman, who teases a man but then withdraws an alluded-to promise of sexual intercourse.
Let's have a look at this small section that I've quoted. For starters, you say she should "make her understand that she is not allowed to walk over you". From the way you talk, it's hard to tell whether you think his girlfriend is a human being or a dog. There is a hell of a difference between a bit of gentle flirting with other men and "walking over" her own boyfriend. He doesn't like it? Tough. Sounds more like a classic case of jealousy to me. Unnecessary jealousy at that. She is HIS girlfriend - that's the central point, and as long as she doesn't actually do anything with one of these guys, what's the problem?
Next up, you note that "she sounds a little bit of a freak, since it actually UPSETS her that she is not getting attention". Really? So following your logic, if women get a little upset when their boyfriends aren't paying attention to them, they're freaks. Are you saying that women don't deserve attention and that they should be grateful for whatever attention they get from their man? Again, it sounds more like you're advising him how to look after a dog than a woman.
But the most sinister statement amidst all that was this - "you need to set some non-verbal rules, a change in the way you communicate to her should show her this is unacceptable". Non-verbal communication? And how exactly is he supposed to communicate with her, then?