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Depressed with suicidal thoughts

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi everyone!
I feel I've come to a complete low in my life. I've been depressed for so long that it is just normality for me,these days.

Recently I thought my depression was getting better, but no such luck, it is gettin worse again.

The reason I am depressed is loads of little things that create one big thing!!
These are my reasons:
-I feel I am wasting my life. I see people of my age and younger with great careers and lifes. With things I want, that I can't get because of the barriers I create for myself. Like being quiet and shy, with low self-esteem. I am so scared of what people will think of me. I wish I didn't care, but I do. Maybe because people have talked about me behind my back and criticised be in front of my face. I dunno!!

-My parents moved away. I had to rush to move out and get a job, even thought I'm still mentally ill. It isn't a hard job, but I feel I could do better than being a checkout girl. I miss my parents so much, plus all my other family are on the other side of Leeds, where I live. It isn't fun travelling and it costs money. It's a pain!!

-My fiancee has OCD and an eating disorder, not anorexia or bullimia, it is another one. He only eats a selection of food he believes are safe. He only had milkshakes, yoghurts, soup and ice-cream (melted). I'm scared that he'll die if he doesn't change his ways. I told him that he needs help and he is putting all on me to help him, but I don't think I'm strong enough.

- I want a baby, but my fiancee wants to wait. I know it is silly to want children when both of us have our problems, but I know it'll make me happy. Last week I thought I was pregnant and I was ecstatic until my period arrived and I felt like rubbish again.

I think that is all my problems.

I've just had enough of feeling this way and having all these emotions and problems whizzing around my head. Everyday, almost, I feel I want to kill myself. I think about ways of doing it. At the end of the day I cant. I cant leave Rob (fiancee) and my family. So what am I suppose to do?

Don't tell me I need medication cos ive tried it for almost a year and they didn't work. Tried different types. Also tried counselling and that didn't work neither, because I'm too shy to talk about my problems.

So who can help me? No one and nothing can change the way I feel!! Im a lost cause!!!! :crying:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't know if you need medication, that's only for doctors to prescribe and I am not a doctor.

    1. You do have to stop looking at what other people have. Jealousies will never get you what you want or make you happy. You should go out and strive for what you think you ought to get on your own merits, and even then you might not achieve it right away. Sometimes you have to be patient, but killing yourself certainly won't help you achieve any of your goals.

    2. Your fiance may need some medical help for his eating disorder. If he has allergies that might explain some of his diet.

    3. You have plenty of time to have children. In any case, having them is a responsibility. Are you sure you are ready for that?

    I wouldn't say you're a lost cause. I do think you might want to look at a change of career. What exactly are you qualified in?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he hasnt got allergies he jus scared hel choke on certain foods.

    Also im qualified in admin, retail and desktop publishing. I dont know if i want to do any of them tho.

    By the way I think I am ready for children but I want to try and get me and my fiance feelin better first. Thats y i want advise.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You have to decide what you really do want to do career-wise then take positive steps to do it. You may want to post on the careers forum here for advise in that direction.

    As far as your fiancé goes, he may wish to seek medical advice if it's a phobia. If he can manage to find a way to get a healthy balanced diet in spite of his restrictions he should be fine though.

    As for OCD, it is often a symptom of Aspergers. If he has that then it is something that has to be controlled rather than cured, and that usually means counselling.
  • C FunkC Funk ********* Posts: 163 Settling in
    Hey katmeow85,

    First of all welcome to TheSite.org discussion boards. I’m sorry you’re not feeling great at the moment.

    Depression is an extremely consuming illness which can strike at any time. It can often feel endless and impossible to overcome but you have to remain positive and defiant that you will get better.

    I’m not going to tell you that you need to go and get counselling or medication, but I think that you shouldn’t dismiss them because they haven’t worked yet. Depression can be a long battle which can take years to recover from. You might also find that as you get to know people better and become more comfortable in their company you will open up and talk to them about your problems.

    If you really don’t want to go and speak to anyone in person you could always try calling a helpline to talk about any problems. The Samaritans run a round-the-clock ear for anyone who needs to talk. You can call them on 08457 909090.

    When it comes to having a baby you need to primarily think about the baby’s welfare. Although you may think that a baby will make you feel better, it may not be in the baby’s best interests. Children can provide a great deal of hope but they also need to be brought up in a stable environment to give them the best start in life.

    If you want to find out more about coping with depression check out our article on it. You might also want to have a look at our pieces on trying for a baby and life as a parent.

    Hope this help and you start feeling better soon.

    :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    il prob kill myself anyway, but thanks for the crappy advise.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katmeow85 wrote: »
    By the way I think I am ready for children but I want to try and get me and my fiance feelin better first.

    which does seem to be a sensible idea.
    -My fiancee has OCD and an eating disorder, not anorexia or bullimia, it is another one. He only eats a selection of food he believes are safe. He only had milkshakes, yoghurts, soup and ice-cream (melted

    Has he seen anyone about this yet?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he hasnt and i cant seem to get him 2. its makin me more depressed and suicidal, but how can i tell him without upsettin him?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    From reading all that, it certainly does seem like you have some problems.

    I would really recommend that you drop this envy of what younger people have achieved, there they are them and your you. Worrying about what they have achieved and what you haven't is a waste of time. Focus on what you are doing and you will get to where you are going. Your only 22. You have so much more to achieve then you realise.

    Sorry to hear your families moved away, that must be really difficult to deal with, I don't know what to say but just try and stay in as much contact as possible.

    Your boyfriend sounds like he needs help, you should tell him straight up about his problem and he needs help or else his health could get really bad. You could try getting him to eat other foods or make sure he gets what he needs from the foods he will eat.

    Having a baby right now may just add to your worries instead of making you feel better. It would be a good idea to wait until you and your boyfriend are more stable.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kat, is it advice you want here or support? Because it sounds to me it is the latter.

    And why do you keep saying you want to kill yourself? What is that supposed to achieve?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And why do you keep saying you want to kill yourself? What is that supposed to achieve?

    It's generally the easy way o0ut and easier for people than having to deal with their problems.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But it can never be the answer.

    Life is a series of challenges and achievements, and killing yourself means you fail in all your challenges and achieve nothing. Does anyone really want that?

    Yes there will be failures, there will be pain, but that is part of life, and there will also be successes. But they might not come now. You might have to wait for them. And hard though it seems it will generally be worth it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    J wrote: »
    Personaly I don't ascribe to the whole medication idea. I think there are underlying reasons for our depression and state of mind that can be aleviated holisticaly.

    This is partly why I refuse to go on medication for my problem (which I've never been put on, thankfully) and because last year the doctor was stupid enough to put me on something I was intolerant to.:rolleyes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sometimes depression can be caused by a chemical in-balance and medication is necessary, particular for bi-polars.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    J, just worth bearing in mind that the health forum generally for for advice for people's specific problems, especially a thread like this - it's not the place to have a debate about the wider theoretical issues, that's pretty disrepectful to those asking for advice.

    I'm sure there are things you could say from your own experience that can help, but they do to relate to the problems of the original poster
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sometimes depression can be caused by a chemical in-balance

    How does this work? I've heard of it before but really don't get it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know exactly because I'm not a doctor or a scientist but it's something to do with hormones produced and some people not producing them as well as they should.
  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,212 Skive's The Limit
    Sometimes depression can be caused by a chemical in-balance and medication is necessary

    That a chmeical inbalance is a 'cause' is still just theory.

    Certainly clinical trials of many anti depressants have shown that they're no where near as effective as some would beleive. That's not really the place for that argurment though.

    To the original poster I would suggest maybe looking at your diet and taking up a physical activity. Those two things certainly helped my sister after she became depressed after a series of illnesses and the loss of our mother.
    She also has hypnotherapy which she always said was very good.
    Yesterday is history
    Tomorrow is a mystery
    But today is a gift
    That’s why it’s call the present
  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,212 Skive's The Limit
    I don't know exactly because I'm not a doctor or a scientist but it's something to do with hormones produced and some people not producing them as well as they should.

    It's mostly revolves around the theory that depression is caused by low leves of the neurotransmitter serotonin.

    We've had this discussion before here. http://vbulletin.thesite.org/showthread.php?t=105866&highlight=depression I'm not sure this is the thread to discuss it again to be honest.
    Yesterday is history
    Tomorrow is a mystery
    But today is a gift
    That’s why it’s call the present
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    J wrote: »
    Which means my emotions and everthing I do based on them are caused by chemicals and therefore out of my control. Therefore when I get angry at the police it must just be the chemicals.

    Or that's a load of bollocks and it's mind over matter - the conscious mind causing an excess chemical which scientists then discover and name as the cause rather than an effect.

    I think it's a case of the justice system would fail and millions would be able to sue for false imprisonment if the truth was known. But that doesn't help me.

    Failing that the pharmecuticals companies would collapse because it would be proved that the problem lies in the mind itself. I hate injustice and people praying on the weak.

    There is a legal defence known as "diminished responsibility" and also one of mental illness or temporary insanity and even insanity. These already exist within the justice system.

    There is also such a thing as a section, which means that someone who is mentally ill and may endanger themselves or others because of it maybe locked away against their will for their own protection and for the protection of the public.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay - if everyone can keep replies relevant to the person looking for help - the other replies will get removed from here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would really recommend that you drop this envy of what younger people have achieved, there they are them and your you. Worrying about what they have achieved and what you haven't is a waste of time. Focus on what you are doing and you will get to where you are going. Your only 22. You have so much more to achieve then you realise.

    :yes:

    TBH, there's not alot you can do to help your boyfriend if he's refusing to help himself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thank u for replies

    thanx for ur replies but i am worse:crying: im never goin to b happy. im goin to lose my job because of this illness. mayb i just was never meant to be happy. ive never bn happy. i remember being a child and being very unhappy. what am i to do?

    btw my b has started to eat a bit better, but still ong way to go.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well at least you are still alive. I'm glad you came back.

    And you shouldn't lose a job because of an illness, but I thought you didn't want that job anyway.
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