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Difficulties in getting aroused
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've just started seeing someone and the other day were getting quite intimate. Although I really wanted to sleep with her, I just couldn't get aroused. Everything she was doing was fine, but anxiety just meant that it wouldn't happen for me.
This has happened a few times with me, usually with a new partner (although I've only slept with one person, but tried with a couple of others) and once when i'd been with my ex a while and we had to start using condoms. All of them I put down to nerves.
Going back to the other night, things started to happen, but as soon as she got the condom out the anxiety kicked in again.
I know the obvious answers to my problem is to relax, not think about it, take it slow etc. but it's just so hard to stop worrying about it, as hard as I try it just keep popping back into my head.
What I want to know is whether anyone else has had this problem, what did they do to help? bearing in mind I know I should not be worrying and that, is there anything I can try to do to take my mind off it (maybe something we can do as foreplay). And I suppose is there anyone I can speak to? this is obviously a problem I have in general and wondered if some sort of counselling would be suitable, or do you think it's over the top or not appropriate?
The girl seems pretty understanding about it, but I don't want this to go on for ages, and also I want to have sex. Once we've had sex a few times I'm pretty sure things will be fine, but it's getting there which is my problem!
Sorry for the long post.
This has happened a few times with me, usually with a new partner (although I've only slept with one person, but tried with a couple of others) and once when i'd been with my ex a while and we had to start using condoms. All of them I put down to nerves.
Going back to the other night, things started to happen, but as soon as she got the condom out the anxiety kicked in again.
I know the obvious answers to my problem is to relax, not think about it, take it slow etc. but it's just so hard to stop worrying about it, as hard as I try it just keep popping back into my head.
What I want to know is whether anyone else has had this problem, what did they do to help? bearing in mind I know I should not be worrying and that, is there anything I can try to do to take my mind off it (maybe something we can do as foreplay). And I suppose is there anyone I can speak to? this is obviously a problem I have in general and wondered if some sort of counselling would be suitable, or do you think it's over the top or not appropriate?
The girl seems pretty understanding about it, but I don't want this to go on for ages, and also I want to have sex. Once we've had sex a few times I'm pretty sure things will be fine, but it's getting there which is my problem!
Sorry for the long post.
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Comments
failing that have a few drinks before hand