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Single after 21 months, advice?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My partner of 21months ended the relationship on Christmas Eve and ever since I've been feeling like my life is over and I'm so confused. I'll try and explain all of this, try to bear with me if you can
His initial reason for leaving was that he was messed up and didn't want to drag me with him, I pleaded with him telling him that we were a couple and we can pull through together, he said he wanted to do it alone. He asked if I would take him back after he'd sorted himself out, of course I said yes. Saw him Christmas Day and we spoke, I told him how I felt and he said he was regretting leaving me already and that I was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Spent the day with him Boxing Day, cuddled up on the sofa. He went out on Boxing Night and kissed another girl whilst very drunk, I wasn't ment to find out but I did and confronted him, he told me that she's not his type and he doesn't remember much. It was just a kiss and although it hurts I can deal with that. So I didn't see him from Thursday until Wednesday [2nd Jan] when I bumped into him whilst I was out. Once he had calmed down we spoke, I asked what I'd done wrong, he said nothing, he'd been thinking about ending the relationship for a while, but it had always fallen back on the fact that he loves me, he said he still does and can't stop but can't see our relationship working. I've told him that if we wants to try and make another go of it, I think we could pull through, we both love each other so why not? How can all of this be right when both of us are hurting so much? We had a cuddle and just a peck and I left, he told me not to be a stranger.
We agreed that I would leave him to contact me, but it's killing me, I hate waiting thinking when he'll contact me, and when he does will it all be ok? I love him so much and I'm just not coping well in general.
Do you think it's all changed because he's kissed this other girl? Before then it seemed bright, that it would just be a matter of time before we got back together.
Just looking for your thoughts on all this, I'm so confused and it might help to hear views from people who do not know us personally.
If you've got this far, thank you very much.
xx
His initial reason for leaving was that he was messed up and didn't want to drag me with him, I pleaded with him telling him that we were a couple and we can pull through together, he said he wanted to do it alone. He asked if I would take him back after he'd sorted himself out, of course I said yes. Saw him Christmas Day and we spoke, I told him how I felt and he said he was regretting leaving me already and that I was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Spent the day with him Boxing Day, cuddled up on the sofa. He went out on Boxing Night and kissed another girl whilst very drunk, I wasn't ment to find out but I did and confronted him, he told me that she's not his type and he doesn't remember much. It was just a kiss and although it hurts I can deal with that. So I didn't see him from Thursday until Wednesday [2nd Jan] when I bumped into him whilst I was out. Once he had calmed down we spoke, I asked what I'd done wrong, he said nothing, he'd been thinking about ending the relationship for a while, but it had always fallen back on the fact that he loves me, he said he still does and can't stop but can't see our relationship working. I've told him that if we wants to try and make another go of it, I think we could pull through, we both love each other so why not? How can all of this be right when both of us are hurting so much? We had a cuddle and just a peck and I left, he told me not to be a stranger.
We agreed that I would leave him to contact me, but it's killing me, I hate waiting thinking when he'll contact me, and when he does will it all be ok? I love him so much and I'm just not coping well in general.
Do you think it's all changed because he's kissed this other girl? Before then it seemed bright, that it would just be a matter of time before we got back together.
Just looking for your thoughts on all this, I'm so confused and it might help to hear views from people who do not know us personally.
If you've got this far, thank you very much.
xx
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Comments
A womans touch is often the best solution to a mans woes. I say support him as much as you can, and see if he comes around. I think men in general go through times of uncertainty and self pity, I do from time to time, and from experience, it passes.
Are there any things in particular that are making him think this way? Once you find out, let him know your there to support him. Theres nothing worse than feeling alone and having to deal with situations that worry you by yourself!
It might get personal (deep), but I think thats whats needed!
Dan
if he gets lonely he knows he can come running back to you, but he also free to go and do what he wants with who he wants.
i personally think you should move on, i know you love him and that it hurts, but in the long run it'll hurt more if you keep waiting for him and letting him pop in and out of your life when ever he feels like it. i've been there and although right now all you can think of is 'but atleast he'll still be in my life' in a few months/a year you will look back and think what a waste its been and how much better you could have done for yourself
Perhaps you could try to get on with your own things for a while. See your friends loads and get involved where you can. By distracting yourself you won't feel like you are waiting for him. Maybe he will come back or maybe he won't but the best thing you can do is look after yourself. Use it as a chance to do what you want for a change.
My ex-fiance spli with me with similar words and i waited for 6 months. He didn't come back and i started doing charity work. I don't regret it at all even though it hurt at the time because i have done so much more with my life since him and have found an even greater love since. good luck xx