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The ol' black dog (a rant)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I haven't done this for a while but...
I'm having a really shitty time with my depression at the moment. I was ill last week (PMT can exacerbate the depression, and there was one day when I couldn't leave my room without bursting into tears; then I had period pains the next day and couldn't move for 4 hours) and I have insomnia which is stopping me from being able to concentrate.
Stupidly, I thought I could still get my essay (due today) in on time because I didn't account for the fact I've never written a Classics essay before and I don't know how it's done. I've turned an archaeology essay out in 6 hours before but for some reason I can't do it now. I've emailed my tutor. I know I'm an idiot for not asking for an extension sooner but now I've stuffed myself and maybe a unit of my degree because I was scared to keep asking for help.
I'm an idiot. On top of all that I've been self-harming again and (thanks in part to being stupid enough to start the demonising fat people thread - this is not a dig at anyone who was honestly trying to contribute to the debate only those who kept insisting it's "not attractive" for no reason except their own sense of aesthetics) making myself sick. I can keep the bulimia from my girlfriend until I get the courage to tell her myself but she found out I was self-harming and I feel dreadful.
This shouldn't be happening. It's my final year, all I want is to be in control enough to finish my degree but the pressure is only making things worse.
**
OK, end of. Sorry if that's whiny and selfish I just had to have somewhere to vent.
I'm having a really shitty time with my depression at the moment. I was ill last week (PMT can exacerbate the depression, and there was one day when I couldn't leave my room without bursting into tears; then I had period pains the next day and couldn't move for 4 hours) and I have insomnia which is stopping me from being able to concentrate.
Stupidly, I thought I could still get my essay (due today) in on time because I didn't account for the fact I've never written a Classics essay before and I don't know how it's done. I've turned an archaeology essay out in 6 hours before but for some reason I can't do it now. I've emailed my tutor. I know I'm an idiot for not asking for an extension sooner but now I've stuffed myself and maybe a unit of my degree because I was scared to keep asking for help.
I'm an idiot. On top of all that I've been self-harming again and (thanks in part to being stupid enough to start the demonising fat people thread - this is not a dig at anyone who was honestly trying to contribute to the debate only those who kept insisting it's "not attractive" for no reason except their own sense of aesthetics) making myself sick. I can keep the bulimia from my girlfriend until I get the courage to tell her myself but she found out I was self-harming and I feel dreadful.
This shouldn't be happening. It's my final year, all I want is to be in control enough to finish my degree but the pressure is only making things worse.
**
OK, end of. Sorry if that's whiny and selfish I just had to have somewhere to vent.
0
Comments
Sorry to hear you're not feeling too well at the moment.
Depression affects one in four people at some stage in their lives and is normally caused by factors like stress, relationship difficulties, and changes in lifestyle.
You're under a lot of pressure at the moment with it being the final year of your degree, as well as all the other factors that you described. The best thing you can do to help you get through this period of depression is to be honest with yourself. Like you mentioned, it's a good idea to communicate with your course leader or lecturer to let them know that you are having a bit of a rough time at the moment. This will at least let them know why you are not hitting deadlines and they will be able to give you some help. Try to be honest with your girlfriend about your bulimia and self harm so she will be able to give you the support you need to help you though your depression.
Most cases of depression are successfully treated with counselling and medication, so I would suggest having a conversation with your GP about what you are going through.
Have a look at self harm sticky on the discussion boards if you want to speak to other people who have experienced self harm first hand, and take a look at the articles that I have linked to. If you aren't too sure about visiting your doc you can speak to somebody from a number of organisations that can offer you advice and support. If you would like to talk to someone about the situation or would like to work through your own feelings, you could call SANELINE on 0845 767 8000 from 12pm-2am everyday.
Hope this all helps and you start feeling better soon!! :thumb:
+ good luck with your final year