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An opinion please
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all
I need an opinion on something from people who aren't involved thanks
I am a divorced man with a grown up son. About 18 months ago I met a wonderful woman who was vibrant, sexy and made life worth living again.
After a while together we decided to live together and I moved out of my house and moved into her rented house with her and her 4 children, one grown up, one teenager and 2 younger ones. The general plan was for us to finish doing up my house and then either sell or rent it out, to give us a fresh start in life as a family.
We went through the usual arguments and problems that all couples have, but we stayed together, despite me moving out a couple of times.
We were always tight for cash and every month we would struggle for the money for the rent, I was working but her work had dried up, and I was paying most of the bills and missing some of them on my house to keep a roof over our heads.
At christmas i always recieve a large bonus from my work and was relying on this to get straight and back on track, along with paying for christmas etc.A couple of weeks before, she dropped the bombshell that most of my bonus would have to go on paying back money she had borrowed from her parents, this left me with virtually no money to cover anything I had planned.
After a big row i left her with every penny I had and walked out to spend christmas alone, we talked over the holidays and eventually got back together just after xmas day.
Everything was reasonably good but we still had money worries and were living day to day, Eventually in february we really didn't have the money for the rent, and after discussing everything she said that it would probably be best if I moved back to mine and she would survive, I admit I hit the roof and after a massive argument I packed my stuff and left. I couldn't believe that after everything we had been through her idea was for me to leave. She later told me that she did it to try and protect me from going down with her if she went down.
We still spoke occasionally and she found the rent money (I still don't know where from) and even moved into a slightly bigger house.
We have been friends and lovers quite regularly since then although we only see each other about once a week and both have our own lives. We both openly admit that we are still inlove with each other and the time we spend together is the happiest we could ever be.
Recently she told me that she is having tests for cervical cancer, and is very worried about it, I have been supportive and promised that anything that I can do she only has to ask.
She told me about 4 weeks ago that she had been for a drink with another man but it was nothing, I accepted this but told her that I have always held out the hope that sooner or later we would get back together.
The other day we had a talk and I told her that I wanted to start being a couple again as it hurt me being apart, she agreed that we were good together but with everything that was going on in her life she really couldn't commit.
When I was out driving I recieved a text off her saying "help me I am scared" I phoned her straight back and she was talking about the tests she was having and how scared she was, The phone broke up and I phoned her from home but couldn't get through, I then set off to her house, and on the way managed to get through. She said everything was alright and she was just being silly and she would speak to me later.
I continued to her house and found out that there was another man staying the night, because of the car outside.
I sent her a few choice words on texts and was incredibly hurt. she phoned me the next day apologising and saying that this was the bloke she had been for a drink with and she was seeing him, but she wasn't sure about him, they hadn't slept together and she was still in love with me.
We are still talking and she is still seeing this other man, I have promised to be a friend, and she says that there are things she can talk to me about, that she can't with her new man.
This situation is destroying me, I cant walk away as I love her and want to be with her, I would be destroyed if she was really ill and I had abandoned her. But the thought of her with her new man is killing me.
When we talk on the phone and I tell her that I can't get over her she admits that she feels the same. What do I do?
I need an opinion on something from people who aren't involved thanks
I am a divorced man with a grown up son. About 18 months ago I met a wonderful woman who was vibrant, sexy and made life worth living again.
After a while together we decided to live together and I moved out of my house and moved into her rented house with her and her 4 children, one grown up, one teenager and 2 younger ones. The general plan was for us to finish doing up my house and then either sell or rent it out, to give us a fresh start in life as a family.
We went through the usual arguments and problems that all couples have, but we stayed together, despite me moving out a couple of times.
We were always tight for cash and every month we would struggle for the money for the rent, I was working but her work had dried up, and I was paying most of the bills and missing some of them on my house to keep a roof over our heads.
At christmas i always recieve a large bonus from my work and was relying on this to get straight and back on track, along with paying for christmas etc.A couple of weeks before, she dropped the bombshell that most of my bonus would have to go on paying back money she had borrowed from her parents, this left me with virtually no money to cover anything I had planned.
After a big row i left her with every penny I had and walked out to spend christmas alone, we talked over the holidays and eventually got back together just after xmas day.
Everything was reasonably good but we still had money worries and were living day to day, Eventually in february we really didn't have the money for the rent, and after discussing everything she said that it would probably be best if I moved back to mine and she would survive, I admit I hit the roof and after a massive argument I packed my stuff and left. I couldn't believe that after everything we had been through her idea was for me to leave. She later told me that she did it to try and protect me from going down with her if she went down.
We still spoke occasionally and she found the rent money (I still don't know where from) and even moved into a slightly bigger house.
We have been friends and lovers quite regularly since then although we only see each other about once a week and both have our own lives. We both openly admit that we are still inlove with each other and the time we spend together is the happiest we could ever be.
Recently she told me that she is having tests for cervical cancer, and is very worried about it, I have been supportive and promised that anything that I can do she only has to ask.
She told me about 4 weeks ago that she had been for a drink with another man but it was nothing, I accepted this but told her that I have always held out the hope that sooner or later we would get back together.
The other day we had a talk and I told her that I wanted to start being a couple again as it hurt me being apart, she agreed that we were good together but with everything that was going on in her life she really couldn't commit.
When I was out driving I recieved a text off her saying "help me I am scared" I phoned her straight back and she was talking about the tests she was having and how scared she was, The phone broke up and I phoned her from home but couldn't get through, I then set off to her house, and on the way managed to get through. She said everything was alright and she was just being silly and she would speak to me later.
I continued to her house and found out that there was another man staying the night, because of the car outside.
I sent her a few choice words on texts and was incredibly hurt. she phoned me the next day apologising and saying that this was the bloke she had been for a drink with and she was seeing him, but she wasn't sure about him, they hadn't slept together and she was still in love with me.
We are still talking and she is still seeing this other man, I have promised to be a friend, and she says that there are things she can talk to me about, that she can't with her new man.
This situation is destroying me, I cant walk away as I love her and want to be with her, I would be destroyed if she was really ill and I had abandoned her. But the thought of her with her new man is killing me.
When we talk on the phone and I tell her that I can't get over her she admits that she feels the same. What do I do?
0
Comments
Seems to me shes taking you for a ride, she's happy leading you on while at the same time shes dating someone else!!
I don't understand why you moved into her place, was yours too small for the kids? Did you being in her house effect any benefits she may have been getting for her kids? Where is the father of her kids, was he / they paying anything towards their care?
My house was too small for all of us.
The amount of benefits I affected was very small about £10 a week.
I have sent her a text saying goodbye she needs to get on with her life and I am not going to hang arund and spoil it. Said I want her to be happy.
She has phoned since but I missed it,told her I will pick up if she calls again, but am not going to be drawn back in again.
Thanks everyone I will let you know how things go.:thumb:
I phoned her back and she was very confused about what she had done wrong.
I explained that I am not jsut going to be someone who hangs about on the sidelines that she can call up when she feels like it , and then ignore.
I told her that she had a new boyfriend and that she needs to cultivate that relationship, and get close to him. I said that i wanted to be with her, and with the feelings I had it wasn't fair on me,her,or her new bloke for us to continue in the way we were. She had to make a choice.
She said she needed to think about things and would get back to me when she had it clear in her head what she wanted.
I feel like a shit now, I feel like I have abondoned her in her hour of need. I tried to be as nice as possible but it still came across as unkind, guess that sometimes you just cant win.
Many thanks for all the advice, I think I knew all along what I was going to do, but talking with you lot really helped.
Thanks again:thumb:
If you were only friends it'd be a different situation but you've gone well past that.
Kudos to you for establishing the boundaries. I wish you all the best with what's yet to happen now.