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Premature ejaculation
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey guys, this is my first post so 'hello!'.
I've got a bit of a problem and I could do with some advice.
I've started seeing this guy recently who I really, really like. We are at uni together and we've been friends for a while and things have been going really well. We spent 2 weeks together solidly this summer before we both had to go home to our respective towns and now I won't see him for a month. We decided not to have sex right away and just take things slowly but on the last night we couldn't wait any longer and decided to go ahead. Everything was great up until the point where we were just about to put on the condom when he came.
Now I didn't think it was that big a deal as it was our first time together and we were both a bit nervous but he reacted really badly- he wouldn't talk to me all night and barely the next morning, which really spoiled our last few hours together. We've spoken a bit about it over texts and he's really, really embarassed by it and nothing I can say seems to make him feel any less gutted. I get the impression that this is not a one off problem for him, afterwards I noticed he's brought performa condoms (the ones that have that gel in to numb his cock) and i remembered a couple of instances when we had been fooling around when he very suddlenly had to leave for the bathroom.
I'm worried about what will happen when we see each other again next month, how can I make him feel better about this and help him overcome it?
Thanks a lot, any help would be appreciated.
I've got a bit of a problem and I could do with some advice.
I've started seeing this guy recently who I really, really like. We are at uni together and we've been friends for a while and things have been going really well. We spent 2 weeks together solidly this summer before we both had to go home to our respective towns and now I won't see him for a month. We decided not to have sex right away and just take things slowly but on the last night we couldn't wait any longer and decided to go ahead. Everything was great up until the point where we were just about to put on the condom when he came.
Now I didn't think it was that big a deal as it was our first time together and we were both a bit nervous but he reacted really badly- he wouldn't talk to me all night and barely the next morning, which really spoiled our last few hours together. We've spoken a bit about it over texts and he's really, really embarassed by it and nothing I can say seems to make him feel any less gutted. I get the impression that this is not a one off problem for him, afterwards I noticed he's brought performa condoms (the ones that have that gel in to numb his cock) and i remembered a couple of instances when we had been fooling around when he very suddlenly had to leave for the bathroom.
I'm worried about what will happen when we see each other again next month, how can I make him feel better about this and help him overcome it?
Thanks a lot, any help would be appreciated.
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Comments
Hey Rach,
This is a very sensitive issue for a guy. If he does indeed suffer from premature ejaculation then he will know that he does, i.e. this won't be the first time this has happened. If it had of been the first time I'm sure his reaction would have been to say so, as well as feeling embarrassed.
His reaction sounds pretty much to be expected. Guys view premature ejaculation as something that will have a girl walking out the door, or even worse laughing at you and then walking out the door. It would possibly make a guy feel less of a man, that he can't satisy you. The more he frets about it the worse it would get of course, so it's a vicious circle.
You sound like you are really wanting to help him, and though his embarrassment was understandable his behaviour in ignoring you was rude and uncalled for. Don't pander to that kind of behaviour. He needs to try and get over himself and be open with you, and then the both of you can work on this together. Don't continually be trying to reassure him and have him turning his back or wallowing. Ask him if he will discuss the issue with you, face to face, and for him to be totally honest about it and how he feels. Tell him one last time that you want to be with him, that you are not put off, and that you are there to support him.
I really wish you the best of luck with this. I have not had firsthand experience of premature ejaculation so most of my answer are from the perspective of a guy imagining how I might feel about it.
Try taking the pressure of him by getting him to make you orgasm with other methods before you attempt to have sex, also it might be a really good idea to make him cum with either oral or a hand job as part of your foreplay. That way he might be less sensitive when you do have sex.
There is a delay technique, which involves removing the penis and squeezing under the head just before its too late to stop, which I am sure you can google for more expert info.
:yes: The Masters-Johnson method is outline in this premature ejaculation article on Netdoctor. There is also lots of other advice here, but the main thing is to encourage openess about the situation as suggested by Super147. It's a common thing to happen and as long as you work together then things can only improve
Take care.
I would tell him that you aren't remotely bothered by what happened that night. Shit happens, after all. Next time, slow things down. Let's say you're, for example, masturbating him. If he feels that he's getting too aroused, stop and spend some time kissing him instead before getting back to the masturbation. Practical solutions work best in these situations. I wouldn't read too much into him buying Performa condoms, though - after all, what's wrong with trying out different types? Nothing wrong with a bit of variety, after all.
Also, not sure if it's recommended but you could try some natural viagra type things, so when he does come he doesn't feel so bad because he can continue until you do at least?
Thanks for all the advice guys. Next time we're together and things are heading that way I think I'm just goign to try and talk to him about it properly before we attempt it again.
Hi rach, I'm sure there must be a lot of guys in similar predicaments to your b/f. I'm still a virgin and I'd be apprehensive about cumming too quickly with a girl and I think it may be worse than with your b/f. This is because about 9 years ago when I was 26 and showering at my sports club, an attractive girl of about 19 walked in to the mens changing room trying to find her boyfriend. I was the only guy in there and the girl saw me completely naked and asked about where her b/f might be. After she left I actually ejaculated involuntary while just over semi-erect.
I guess the best thing to advise your b/f to do is masturbate before he goes out before a date to lessen the urgency to ejaculate.
David