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what shall i do?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i've been with my bf for over year and a half. About a year ago i went to france on a school trip. That at first was bad enough, then i was warned about not showing my body off, eg, vest tops and skirts... it was hot and i wore a skirt and a vest top after promising not to. i know i was wrong and i've been frever sorry after that. what made it worse was the fact i didn't say anything even though i should. this has made the problem still affect us now. he has no trust in me and i'll never do it again... how can i make him happier and trust me again?
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Wise up, how are you in the wrong?
Your boyfriend is a freak, end of story.
you are your own person.
Your boyfriend can't expect you to dress like a nun on a hot day or any day really. Your boyfriend is the one in the wrong he has no right to tell you how to dress.
He's accused me of "flirting" with another lad before too... that kinda comes into the equation too...
The only thing that you can do to make your boyfriend happier is to do everything he wants - even if it has a negative outcome to yourself. There's no way you deserve this. He sounds like he's very suspicious and insecure - the only way he can address that is to help himself, not hurt you in the process.
He sounds exactly like my friends ex boyfriend. She was with him for 3 years and during that time he always gave her a hard time whenever she wanted to go out with her mates, she wasn't allowed to wear any revelaing clothes and he used to get really jealous and even phone up her mates to check up on her.
In the end it turned out that he was the one cheating on her!!
Sometimes people who have something to be guilty of or who cheat themselves become very jealous and defensive and controlling.
:yes: my ex was the same, four years i spent listenin to him trying to control me. although i did lose alot of friends because of him. in the end it was him cheating but everything i did, i was made to feel guilty for
I don't get it either.
:yes:
I've had to deal with controlling, paranoid eeijits before. It your life, wear what you want and if he cant accept it, get rid and find someone much better for you.
First off i'd like to admit I was wrong in what I did and I don't deserve to still be with such a wonderful girl; I never meant to hurt her.
I'm not arguing against what she said but I want to explain why I felt what i did *but my actions were out of order*.
I don't ask for anyone not to criticise me but please hear me out:
Before we were going out there was a group of three of us (and we were all mates) me, another lad and of course my gf.
Before the france trip we were all around my gf's and when i walked in the other lad was already there. I said hi to them both and my gf completely ignored me and continued to do so for about 10 mins solid. at first I just sat and didn't mind it much but then she started messing about tying his shoe laces together (we were all younger then) and having a laugh. Now i don't object to her being mates but I was deeply hurt by the fact I had been totally ignored for no reason. Anyway I ended up off sitting on my own in the next room and I was really hurt and upset. It took her about 10 mins to realise that I was there but I let it go.
Anyway to cut a long story short a few other similar things happened with the same guy when I was there and I was ignored. As I said I didn't mind her talking to or having fun with him, only that she "accidentally" blanked me when I was there. It really hurt.
So when it came to this france trip I was getting paranoid about how she acted around lads in general (we went to different schools so I didn't see if she acted the same way - but human nature prevailed and doubt set in my mind). I mentioned that I'd be happier if she didn't wear revealing clothes cos there'd be loadsa lads eyeing her up and it would make me feel uncomfortable. I didn't want to control her - now I realise I was wrong - but at the time I was still worried.
Don't get me wrong either I trusted her not to do anything, just was anxious cos of the earlier stuff. It just made me extremely nervous and I reacted in all the wrong ways.
I don't blame anyone for telling her to leave me; I was a fool. This relationship must sound really unstable but it's our first one (for both of us) and we have been best mates for about 3 years beforehand - just were too nervous to admit it incase the other didn't feel the same
I was totally wrong and I know there wasn't anything to worry about. We're still very much in love, it's just my own problem overshadowing the relationship and i need to grow up and get over it. I think I have.
If anyone actually knew us they'd know we are a really good couple; it's just we're only portraying the negative aspects on here. It's the only thing that's came between us in almost 2 years.
Sorry for such a long response. I know I have no right to such a wonderful girlfriend and I can only hope I haven't blown it. I never meant to be controlling. Thanks for any criticism of me cos it helped me wake up and realise I was wrong. I guess my own insecurities got in the way. Oh and I would never cheat on anybody! Especially not someone who makes me this happy. If you bothered to read all this then thank you
How can I successfully make amends? I mean big time; I owe my gf.
Yet in this link you claim to have been with your g/f for almost 5 years. I'm confused.
I said we've been best mates for nearly 5. not been going out all that time tho. close to it actually
Anyway, back to the matter in hand, maybe now you realise you've treated her badly you will start to treat her better if she's willing to give you another chance.
Yup, I'm gonna treat her right. I kinda hate myself at the mo now but all I can do is treat her better. God knows she deserves it; she really means everything to me.
though honestly i dont know i have seen what was mentioned earlier with couple who love to hate eachother but yay. I never heard of some one workign it out.
Get a grip, you seem a control freak and overly jelous, your GF could do so much better
Hey, there's no need for that rudeness.
Cascara, I hope you can make things up to your girlfriend. You might find this article on jealousy helpful. Good luck!