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So nervous......
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
well this is a very long story. I shall try to give it as briefly as possible.
I met my partner over 15 months ago on a dating website. We hit it off straight away and steadily since then spent more and more time together and developed a strong and wonderful relationship, where we are more or less living together. I still have my own house, but I am never there!
My boyfriend is twelve years older than me, 37 on Wednesday actually, and I am 25. We have both had hard pasts – Him, divorced six years ago from someone who thought was happy, and me, lost a child and had a bad previous relationship. I have another child, he is almost five.
We really are very happy, very secure and we both want the same things for the future – that’s not to say that this relationship wasn’t hard work. He was scared at first – he said because of the age thing, but we got there, and we are great now and we left those problems behind over a year ago.
Well this is the problem. His parents. Apparently because of his past they are very judgemental and obviously very protective of him. Which is lovely, and I am sure I will continue being protective of my son too. But at 37!
Before me, he was with a woman, his age and had two children. His father (the issue, not his mum) was opposed to this because of the children. Kept harassing him, telling him it wouldn’t work, that he didn’t like her, and when they were going to move in together, Kept saying that he would be out on the street because she had the kids and would keep the house. In the end, you’ve guessed it – they split up. His ex wife was also a lot younger than him, and after he was divorced, they started saying about the age gap. – hence that’s where the stuff at the start of the rel came from!
He also had a very hard childhood, as you prob can tell him father is a bit of a dictator, and he has grown up scared of him. I know he should be able to leave that behind at his age – but patterns like this are very hard. He is having counselling about this now.
Anyway, problem is that I never have actually met them and I am doing for the first time on father’s day!
It’s been left a long time because of his fear and he said, wanting to protect me. I assumed that they knew about me, but it turned out they didn’t. This was hard for me, as you can guess, to realise that your partner has lied to you, about something that is very important to you, and he knew that I wanted to do (meet them). But anger with him is not going to solve anything. I am ok with this now, we have talked and he has put things right.
What I need is some advice, - I need to know what to do to make this meet go as well as possible. I can handle his mum, I can do women, but not men. How should I handle him?
He is no doubt going to have an opinion of my boy and my age – which he already knows about. But how can I get past that?
What do I wear? what do i say? how can i charm him so much he loves me!
Help!!!!!!
I met my partner over 15 months ago on a dating website. We hit it off straight away and steadily since then spent more and more time together and developed a strong and wonderful relationship, where we are more or less living together. I still have my own house, but I am never there!
My boyfriend is twelve years older than me, 37 on Wednesday actually, and I am 25. We have both had hard pasts – Him, divorced six years ago from someone who thought was happy, and me, lost a child and had a bad previous relationship. I have another child, he is almost five.
We really are very happy, very secure and we both want the same things for the future – that’s not to say that this relationship wasn’t hard work. He was scared at first – he said because of the age thing, but we got there, and we are great now and we left those problems behind over a year ago.
Well this is the problem. His parents. Apparently because of his past they are very judgemental and obviously very protective of him. Which is lovely, and I am sure I will continue being protective of my son too. But at 37!
Before me, he was with a woman, his age and had two children. His father (the issue, not his mum) was opposed to this because of the children. Kept harassing him, telling him it wouldn’t work, that he didn’t like her, and when they were going to move in together, Kept saying that he would be out on the street because she had the kids and would keep the house. In the end, you’ve guessed it – they split up. His ex wife was also a lot younger than him, and after he was divorced, they started saying about the age gap. – hence that’s where the stuff at the start of the rel came from!
He also had a very hard childhood, as you prob can tell him father is a bit of a dictator, and he has grown up scared of him. I know he should be able to leave that behind at his age – but patterns like this are very hard. He is having counselling about this now.
Anyway, problem is that I never have actually met them and I am doing for the first time on father’s day!
It’s been left a long time because of his fear and he said, wanting to protect me. I assumed that they knew about me, but it turned out they didn’t. This was hard for me, as you can guess, to realise that your partner has lied to you, about something that is very important to you, and he knew that I wanted to do (meet them). But anger with him is not going to solve anything. I am ok with this now, we have talked and he has put things right.
What I need is some advice, - I need to know what to do to make this meet go as well as possible. I can handle his mum, I can do women, but not men. How should I handle him?
He is no doubt going to have an opinion of my boy and my age – which he already knows about. But how can I get past that?
What do I wear? what do i say? how can i charm him so much he loves me!
Help!!!!!!
0
Comments
Try to just forget all the stuff about his past. They are meeting *you*.
Everyone has a past but you can't allow it to affect everything today.
Just be pleasant to his Dad. They don't need to "love you"...just see that you are a decent person.
With regards to what you wear, just go smart casual - perhaps black trousers and nice shoes, with a nice casual top (of no a t-shirt, but I am sure you know what I mean)
Enjoy yourself, and talk to your partner about your nerves, and ask him if perhaps you and his parents have anything in common, so you know you are going in with a 'bag full of potential conversations'.
Good luck
Ill try to relax.
I am not sure what to wear. i want to be comfy but also look lovely.
on a diet too. got a lot of weight to loose (i was 20st 10, not 18th 13 - done this on lighter life in three weeks and sticking to this all the way). Im very self concious that his parents are going to see me and think i am really big or something. i have a nice enough face tho and he fancys me a lot. I guess it just worrys me. i am being judged enough without this on top of it all.
i have no clothes that fit me either, i am shirinking through everything. will need to buy something for the occasion i think. not wearing my work clothes that i dont like and are starting to drown me again.
maybe so black trousers, a smart top and heels? id prefer smart jeans but someone said thats not formal enough and doesnt make me look like i have made the effort
i know i am thinking about this far too much.
i just dont want them to hate me and for it to f**k us up
i know it wont but this is the man i am going to spend my life with - it wasnt meant to be like this!!!!
You really need to calm down because I am worried you will get so stressed out you will pin too much on it and then blow it when you are there as you cant be yourself.
Just calm down and think about how much they want to meet you, and how much you love their son.
Good luck