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I'm so pissed off....:(
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've really liked my friend from Uni for aaaages...about 4/5 years!
He lives in a different city but last year we had a bit of a flirtation thing going on by email, and when we ended up meeting up, things went maybe a little further than they should have and we ended up in bed....but it seemed completely mutual at the time.
About a week later, I made the mistake of telling the bloke I'd like to spend more time with him and maybe take things further.....he replied with "I really like spending time with you, but I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship', which I know full well is boy speak for "I'm not really interested", which was a bit of a let down, but that's fine, after a while I could deal with that.
We emailed loads after that, we got past our awkward phase, and have started getting on as friends again....
...but tonight we had our Uni reunion with a whole bunch of us, which was really nice, until he started getting off with some drunken slapper right in front of me....now I know it SOUNDS like I'm bitter and twisted, but trust me, she was swaying all over the place, she put her arms round both him & his mate, and got off with his mate (which he saw), then literally turned straight round and got off with him......:(
THEN we all went on to a club, and he ended up getting off with this other girl we went to Uni with, literally RIGHT in front of me....I was sitting almost next to them.
Now CLEARLY he's made it quite clear that he's not interested in me, although, to confuse matters, he was saying in the taxi on the way to the club tonight that he tried so many times to make something happen with me when we were at Uni but "I had too many barriers up" (whatever the fuck that means, because I NEVER noticed him making anything like a move on me even once). So it made it sound like he might still be bit interested in me, otherwise why would he bring that up?
ANYWAY, that's besides the point...don't you think it was a little insensitive of him to do that TWICE tonight, right in front of me, when he knows how I feel about him??
Do you think he's just completely oblivious, or a bit of an insensitive immature bastard, or a bit of both? I seriously thought he was a half decent bloke until tonight, because he dealt with letting me down with sensitivity, but I'm beginning to reassess what I think of him as a person if he thinks it's OK to do that.....and I'm beginning to reassess whether it's actually worth the effort to maintain contact and be friends with him, because I'm finding it hard to do that when CLEARLY I want much more than that and he doesn't....
.....sorry.....bit of a rant, but it's all a bit muddled in my head......any thoughts on the whole thing please??
He lives in a different city but last year we had a bit of a flirtation thing going on by email, and when we ended up meeting up, things went maybe a little further than they should have and we ended up in bed....but it seemed completely mutual at the time.
About a week later, I made the mistake of telling the bloke I'd like to spend more time with him and maybe take things further.....he replied with "I really like spending time with you, but I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship', which I know full well is boy speak for "I'm not really interested", which was a bit of a let down, but that's fine, after a while I could deal with that.
We emailed loads after that, we got past our awkward phase, and have started getting on as friends again....
...but tonight we had our Uni reunion with a whole bunch of us, which was really nice, until he started getting off with some drunken slapper right in front of me....now I know it SOUNDS like I'm bitter and twisted, but trust me, she was swaying all over the place, she put her arms round both him & his mate, and got off with his mate (which he saw), then literally turned straight round and got off with him......:(
THEN we all went on to a club, and he ended up getting off with this other girl we went to Uni with, literally RIGHT in front of me....I was sitting almost next to them.
Now CLEARLY he's made it quite clear that he's not interested in me, although, to confuse matters, he was saying in the taxi on the way to the club tonight that he tried so many times to make something happen with me when we were at Uni but "I had too many barriers up" (whatever the fuck that means, because I NEVER noticed him making anything like a move on me even once). So it made it sound like he might still be bit interested in me, otherwise why would he bring that up?
ANYWAY, that's besides the point...don't you think it was a little insensitive of him to do that TWICE tonight, right in front of me, when he knows how I feel about him??
Do you think he's just completely oblivious, or a bit of an insensitive immature bastard, or a bit of both? I seriously thought he was a half decent bloke until tonight, because he dealt with letting me down with sensitivity, but I'm beginning to reassess what I think of him as a person if he thinks it's OK to do that.....and I'm beginning to reassess whether it's actually worth the effort to maintain contact and be friends with him, because I'm finding it hard to do that when CLEARLY I want much more than that and he doesn't....
.....sorry.....bit of a rant, but it's all a bit muddled in my head......any thoughts on the whole thing please??
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as for the stuff he said in the taxi.. he's either playing games or its the drink talking! if its the first one then fuck him, i wouldn't bother giving him the time of the day, but if it was the latter then it isn't as bad - im sure we've all been guilty of it at some point!
as for the staying in contact or not.. well you're going to need to suss out whether or not he is just acting a cunt.. either way i'd probably stay out of the way for a while for things to settle down in your own head!
Although I will say this: If I'd listened to the words "I like spending time with you, but I don't want to ruin our friendship", I would not be in a 8-and-a-half-months relationship right now.
And personally, if it was a girl, I wouldn't bother. Have a bit of space for a while perhaps, but still continue being friendly / cordial. I've had girls mess me around before because they were trying to play hard to get. I just walked off lol. I'm not sure if that's what he's doing but a friend should be more sensitive to their friends feelings.
This is a bit of a hard one. I understand completely why you're feeling hurt, but if you were cool with it, or appeared to be when he told you he just wanted to be friends, and this was a while ago, then he probably wasn't really thinking about you still liking him.
Kissing the drunken girl who kissed his mate literally seconds before sounds like it might be a bit of an issue for him, but that's a different story altogether... aside from that, really he's free to kiss whoever he wants to kiss. And I don't mean that to sound harsh at all, but he is.
One question I have though- Is the reason why you are keen to spend so much time with him because you are hoping somewhere in your head that he will change his mind and realise that he does want to pursue something with you? If it is, then I would suggest stopping spending time with him for a while until you stop feeling like that. I know how hard that is, but it's really for the best. If he likes you, he will come to you and if he doesn't, then you're better off not being around him and hoping that he does.
If you're not hoping to be with him but really do just want to be his pal, then how about doing things like going for coffee or lunch or a quiet drink with him? That way you're not going to be in the kind of situation where you'll see him pulling other girls.
He does sound like he's probably a bit emotionally immature, tbh, especially taking into acount what he said in the taxi, though he could have been being really flippant there, it's hard to tell... Either way, doesn't sound very mature, really, does it? In my experience, that kind of guy isn't really ready for a relationship in lots of ways, and that might be the problem.
Anyway, I hope you feel better soon x
The "letting someone down with sensitivity" is just a move so you shut up about it (sorry it sounding harsh) and that you have not attack points on him (like spreading around what a cunt he is, for loudly proclaiming in a group of people that your are not on par with his expectations, or anything like that).
It's just precautious measures that brings the message equally, but ensures he won't have future problems with you.
Just get outta here.
I have my beady eye on a girl in a semi-damaged relationship right now and I am just waiting, being a friend (but not the all-time-around friend to get friendszoned, but more.. ah well, this would suit another thread entirely), and not doing much about it. If she'd break-up with her b/f tho and gets off with one of my friends I'd not be sure if I ever talk to her or this friend (my true friends know about her and wouldn't if they had the chance, but the occasional collegue of study would have died in my eyes) ever again, so I can relate to you.
(I'm talking from experience, btw) It seems like he means that it's possible that if you two spend alot of time together, you could end up becoming really clingy towards him and just want attention from him all the time. By telling you what he has, I think he's worried that you two spending too much time together could actually ruin your friendship.
I'm actually in the situation I described above now and it sucks.:(
It doesn't sound like he's interested in you.
:chin:
Might take a while
Also, I reckon his comments in the taxi were probably drink related. In my eyes (granted male) he made it clear he wasn't interested in anything further so that really means he's free to pull as many drunk slappers as he wants.
Granted if you took his comments in the taxi seriously it must be a bit of a head fook.
Lol, good luck.
:yes:
Yeah...I think I'm going to distance myself from him for a bit (although it's not like we see each other very much anyway), because if I was upset by that, then clearly I still have feelings for him, where he has none for me.
Quick update though....in a bizarre twist, he has no recollection whatsoever of getting off with that girl (the one who's our Uni friend) in that club....and when one of our friends called him to remind him of it, he texted ME to confirm whether it was true or not!!! Talk about having his sensitivity chip missing....
...but anyway, yes, that points to the fact that he was a mixture of very drunk and very immature.....either way, I don't fancy spending too much time with someone like that.
But thanks for all your comments....really helps to see what you kind of already know written down in black and white! :thumb:
It's something I'd do!