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New people.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, so this is the second time I've tried to write this. I'm not really sure if I definitely want to do this, but I have to for my own sanity.
Basically, I'm a bit crap with new people. Any new people. Big groups of new people are even worse. Anyone that was at the first meet I went to may or may not remember that I was a bit, er, quiet. Normally I wouldn't really care that much, but the other day I came to the sudden, horrifying realisation that I'm going to Uni in 4 months. Uni. In a city hundreds of miles north. A relatively strange city. With hundreds of new people. That I will have no choice but to talk to. With nobody else that I know. At all.
This thought made me absolutely cack my pants. I have visions of me sitting there shaking and looking like a complete reject because I won't be able to say more than two words.
Now, before anyone says the obvious point that alcohol will relax me and make me feel more confident, I'd just like to make the point that I don't really drink. It's just not something I do. Particularly when I'm meeting people. Largely because I know I'll just end up making a complete TWAT out of myself, even more than I would do normally.
My main problem is that I'm not normal. I don't drink, I'm quiet until you get to know me, and basically, I'm a bit anti-social.
So basically, I just want some ways of either calming myself down, or making it easier to talk to people. And PLEASE don't say "go out and meet people" because that's just not something that appeals to me, really.
Blah.
Basically, I'm a bit crap with new people. Any new people. Big groups of new people are even worse. Anyone that was at the first meet I went to may or may not remember that I was a bit, er, quiet. Normally I wouldn't really care that much, but the other day I came to the sudden, horrifying realisation that I'm going to Uni in 4 months. Uni. In a city hundreds of miles north. A relatively strange city. With hundreds of new people. That I will have no choice but to talk to. With nobody else that I know. At all.
This thought made me absolutely cack my pants. I have visions of me sitting there shaking and looking like a complete reject because I won't be able to say more than two words.
Now, before anyone says the obvious point that alcohol will relax me and make me feel more confident, I'd just like to make the point that I don't really drink. It's just not something I do. Particularly when I'm meeting people. Largely because I know I'll just end up making a complete TWAT out of myself, even more than I would do normally.
My main problem is that I'm not normal. I don't drink, I'm quiet until you get to know me, and basically, I'm a bit anti-social.
So basically, I just want some ways of either calming myself down, or making it easier to talk to people. And PLEASE don't say "go out and meet people" because that's just not something that appeals to me, really.
Blah.
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Comments
The only reason I wasn't like that was because I knew one person. Had I not met any of them before I would have been just like that.
I will be living on campus (I don't really have a choice
I know everyone will be in the same boat (Rich and about a million other people have said that to me), and I've tried to keep that in mind, but it hasn't really helped. Because I know how shy I am compared to other people and I just keep thinking that everyone's going to just think I'm a freak.
But sooner or later in life we have to acquire the skills which enable us to meet new people and make new friends.
One of the positive things about going to university, is your going to be nervous- but so is everyone else! So your not the only one. You might find others who are equally as nervous and talk with them.
Its best to try and make an effort during freshers fortnight in order to get to know as many people as possible. You don't have to drink or get drunk, there will always be others not drinking for whatever reason.
However if your going to be living in halls with strangers your going to have to learn to compromise. Its not going to be like home, here you have to work and live with people you may not get on with. But this is the best place to pick up on those important social skills your going to need in later life. But living with others can be brilliant, If it wasn't for being in halls with strangers I wouldn't have meet my now best mates.
There are loads of things at uni you can do other than go out drinking. Join loads of clubs and societies when you first start, this is a great way of making friends and taking up new activities. You will then be meeting people who have similar interests.
I will take a few weeks until you meet people who you enjoy spending time with but it will be worth it - trust me.
:thumb:
BUT, in freshers week, everyone feels the same. you willl be ok. i was ok, yeah it was awkward at first, but it was for everyone, i think for once, i actually felt like everyone else was feeling as nervous as me about meeting new people.
I know many people that have many more friends than i do, but i'm the sort of person that'd rather have a handful of good mates than lots of mates i'm not so close to.
like others have said, amke an effort during freshers week to go along to activities and socials, and even if you're quiet while you're there people will make an effort to talk to you and won't write you off just because youc ome across as being shy at first.
You're welcome. Glad it helped. Feel free to ask if you have any other questions about Uni life
Thats good advice. Its what I do; pick people off one by one and work on them individually.
Clubs and societies are good for meeting people without alcohol who you share common interests with.
Do you work in a massgae parlour, or are you possibly a hit man ?
Im a hit man, and your next on my list boy
Also, have you thought of trying Bach's Rescue Remedy for your nerves/anxiety? i don't get anxiety people wise, but at times i've been extremely worried, or for examply when I was homesick in China, and after spraying that (instructions on individual packets, i think it's two sprays on the tongue) it really does make me feel a lot better...at times a bit spaced out but im a lot happier. Try it, see if it does any good- it can't do any harm.
However the first time i met you I was feeling all of the above and you were super friendly and lovely and I would never have guessed you were a shy person ever - you come accross as being very confident and bubbly and thats an amasingly good first impression to give someone.
I've changed a lot since then although I often feel the same inside and I hate big groups of people. I just force myself..through being at uni and working, I have had to speak to new people and it's good practice. I usually just ask people lots of questions about 'safe' topics like films/TV/the news.
When I went into halls, it was a flat of 4 girls which wasn't too bad, and they all came and knocked on my door to say hello. You could knock on peoples doors and introduce yourself and there will be plenty of socialising going on. You don't have to drink. I don't drink much when I am with people I don't know well. Not everyone at uni is into drinking, there will be all sorts of different people there.
I used to find lectures hard, you would walk in and there would be hundreds of people, but in seminars there is usually only around 10 - 20 so it's easier to get to know people.
I think you do have to force yourself a bit, because then it becomes easier.
Before i started university i was just like you. I could hardly say a word to someone i dont know, i was hideously shy, and if in a situation where i was with a large group of people i would find a way to escape and just avoid it. In my first year i also lived in halls, and to be honest i disliked the majority of the people i lived with. I made 2 friends in my first year (people that im still great friends with now).
But ive found that university was such a great learning process and i am a completely different person to who i was back then. Im still shy, and i still dont like social situations where i dont know people, but im so much better than i used to be.
I think it will be great for you. It will be scary, but when your at uni you soon learn to just push yourself to do things, and it becomes easier each time.
Everyone else wont be loud and confident. There will be people just like you there, that are too shy to make conversation. And because of your shyness you'll probably make much better friends than the other louder people. What i found, was that the loud confident people automatically formed a group amongst themselves and did everything together and generally acted like they'd known eachother forever. But a few weeks down the line and they were arguing and sectioning off into smaller groups and seeking friendship elsewhere. Whereas me and my shy-er friends were just gradually getting to know eachother and didnt suffer fall-outs
Yes that does happen to a certain extent. What i would say is try your best to just be polite and welcoming to everyone you come across, but dont think of them for potential friends for the year. You want to be on good terms with the people you live with, but dont worry about how your personality compares with them. After a month or so will would have settled down and you would have had a chance to branch out and find people you have things in common with.
Basically, the people living in your block (or whatever) could be your friends for the year, you never know, but chances are the only thing you may have in common is that you live in close proximatey. You will get to meet loads of other people, even if its not during the first week, thats what i found. When you first arrive, have your door propped open whenever possible during the day, so you can say hello to people coming passed unpacking their stuff etc. This will be the best chance of chatting to people 1-2-1 instead of meeting as a whole group in the first evening