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Needhelp
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, came across this board and seems like there are a lot of mature reasonable posters here as compared to other sites so I thought I would post here. My gf and I were both virgins when we first met. Its been several months now and we have had problems with having sex, she gets very aroused but remains very tight down there. I have been able to get a finger in but occasionally its even too tight for that. Sometimes I feel like we have gotten penetration but I'm not certain......how bizarre is that? It hurts her a lot as well which is not fun. I have been using KY.......and sometimes there is occasional spotting of blood which makes me wonder if all the pushing is causing damage cause she's too tight..........HELP! We really love each other and want to get this right
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This is quite possible.
You could also consider try some other lubricants such as the Durex Play ones or there's an Eros lube which has been designed especially for women - they're just a bit sexier than KY and if you get a warming one it might help with relaxation.
TheSite has a service called askTheSite where you can ask a professional advisor about issues like this. There's a Q&A in the archive called too tight for sex which may well help.
Take care
If you are at either of your parents houses then that will not help her at all..
That's true. You need to try and make sure that anything which might be causing her to tense up - including worrying that your parents might walk in! - is eliminated. Spend some time not having sex, or attempting to have sex. Ask her what feels good for her, what she enjoys. The more you know about what she likes, the better it will be when you have sex because you'll know what she likes and she'll be a lot more receptive to it. Most of the time, people feeling too tight is because they're nervous and tensing up. While it is possible to be 'too small' to have sex, it's extremely rare and chances are she's just not comfortable with the idea yet - and that's not a reflection on you, just the circumstances
wrong. thats when the muscles of the vagina contract tightly to prevent penetration and is usually a emotional rather than a purely physical cause.
its normal to be tight if you are a virgin and thats not a medical issue.
you're just going to have to keep trying. take it slow. use plenty of lube and plenty of foreplay.
Maybe you could arrange with each other to kiss and stuff, be naked, be in bed, but not actually try for penetration. If you tried that for a bit, then maybe she would get used to it all and not be nervous about it. After a while you could talk about maybe trying for penetration with fingers again and see how it goes. I'd bet it would be a lot easier.
Also, do you stimulate her clit as well? Because that would certainly make her more ready for sex. Do you ever go down on her? Because that would help too. If you were a virgin too when you met her and haven't really done this stuff before, then just go with the flow really- try different things out and ask her what feels best. Different strokes for different folks (literally in this case).
But I definately think doing sexual stuff but agreeing not to attempt any kind of penetration is a good idea. It will be so much easier when you are both really relaxed and comfortable.
Hope this helps a bit...