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Doormat, Wuss, Walkover...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, so in my last relationship, i was a Doormat, even in arguments when it wasnt my fault, i seemed to be the one apologising, i don't know why, but i did for some reason. It was just the dynamic of my relationshipw ith my girlfriend, she had all the power.
Well, my bestest mates girlfriend was the doormat in their relationship, until she had enough and went to dump him and he ended up begging her to stay with him, so now she has all the power.
My next best friend has only been with he rboyfriend a couple of months but in that time she has complained, bitched, whined and so on about his antics and said after she gave him his 6th chance, that it was his last chance, but then gave him a 7th chance, so it seems she is now the doormat of that relationship.
I was just wondering, based on examples in my life that one person always seems to have all the power in a relationship... which are you? I tend to always end up some how being the one who gets all the blame and gets pushed around... which i hae got to change!
Well, my bestest mates girlfriend was the doormat in their relationship, until she had enough and went to dump him and he ended up begging her to stay with him, so now she has all the power.
My next best friend has only been with he rboyfriend a couple of months but in that time she has complained, bitched, whined and so on about his antics and said after she gave him his 6th chance, that it was his last chance, but then gave him a 7th chance, so it seems she is now the doormat of that relationship.
I was just wondering, based on examples in my life that one person always seems to have all the power in a relationship... which are you? I tend to always end up some how being the one who gets all the blame and gets pushed around... which i hae got to change!
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Im sorry you feel like you have been a doormat Bullseye, hope someone new comes along and makes you feel worthy
an example would be that say you get into an argument every so often with your partner.. and for the first while in a relationship you'll happily argue back and not let your guard down.. but after a while it gets to the point (well when it comes to women anyway) that you think fuck it and go 'yes.. you're right.. whatever you say' etc.. because it seems to work out easier in terms of getting yapped at for ages afterwards etc..
it seems even more like this when i look at any of my mates who are in long term relationships.. the only word i could use to describe them is whipped.. when it comes down to it, it ends up being what their girlfriend says, goes ..
im actually quite interested to hear the female perspective on this!
Just think it is interesting, that around me it always seems at least one person has the upper hand, even in very very long term relationships.
:yes:
There's no power play in my relationship [unless of course, I count sub/dom roles during sex, but that's a far better side of power play in my mind
I mean, we both have days where we bitch and moan, but it's generally directed at the situation and not at the person, and the other will try to help with whatever is going on.
In my experience, people with power and control issues have often been treated badly in past relationships, but then do a complete u-turn and become the person who treated them badly, and their new found partner becomes the doormat. And until someone breaks it, it's a sad cycle.
I've also been in a very controlling relationship to the point where I was actually physically scared of her, and another where I was so doe eyed and such a pushover that she made me give her money and stuff for months and months after we'd finished (long story).
I think since then I've managed to get my head together more and I'm able to stop being a pushover. Last one took the piss a little bit too, but we're friends now cause I'm able to let bygones be bygones and not hold a grudge.
I think quite often people are doormats cause they're scared of getting dumped if they stand up for themselves and say what they're feeling. This is why it's always a good idea to have a friends outside of the relationship too, cause it means you've got backup and people to tell you if your partner (or you) happen to be taking the piss a bit.
I'm quite happy for everything to be equal, someone else bossing me about winds me up and i don't really wanna be pushin someone else about either.
I couldn't be with someone if they tried to have the upper hand in a relationship, at the same time I wouldn't wanna be with someone who let me walk all over them.
It all has it's limits and I did not bother for long with my last girlfriend. She was terribly moody all the time and often times let it out on me, so I dumped her.
I tend to be a bit submissive, but not too much, seeing as girls I know (exes, mate's g/fs etc.) cannot handle that "power" and become pretty horrible partners as soon as you hand them the reins. (not sexist).