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So how does one lose their virginity?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Following on from this thread in sex, how does one lose their virginity?
The most popular definition in the other thread seemed to be no.1, but where does that leave,
It strikes me as being horrendously heteronormative; and although it has been suggested that there should be an alternative term for gay couples I'm not sure I agree.
In my own case, I would argue that there came a point when I would consider that I had had sex with my girlfriend (I'll spare you the gory details) and thus that I was no longer a virgin. Surely it's not one rule for straight people and one for gay people; just because neither of us has a penis, that means we are both still virgins?
Incidentally, this isn't an attack on anything that was said or anyone who posted in the other thread. I just thought it could be interesting to set the P&D crowd onto the problem!
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By penetrating a vagina with a penis / by being vaginally penetrated by a penis?
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By having any sexual contact (as broad or as narrow as the definition of sexual contact)?
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Any contact that involves vaginal / anal penetration?
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Other?
The most popular definition in the other thread seemed to be no.1, but where does that leave,
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Exclusively lesbian women?
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Gay men who are 'bottoms' (i.e. passive)
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For that matter, gay "tops"
It strikes me as being horrendously heteronormative; and although it has been suggested that there should be an alternative term for gay couples I'm not sure I agree.
In my own case, I would argue that there came a point when I would consider that I had had sex with my girlfriend (I'll spare you the gory details) and thus that I was no longer a virgin. Surely it's not one rule for straight people and one for gay people; just because neither of us has a penis, that means we are both still virgins?
Incidentally, this isn't an attack on anything that was said or anyone who posted in the other thread. I just thought it could be interesting to set the P&D crowd onto the problem!
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Comments
I think the medical term and the social term for virginity are nowadays entirely different things.
Sorry if you didn't mean my definition. That's what the "quote message in reply" box is for.
But what I'm saying is that that can't really work as a definition of virginity...well...suppose you'd have to add 'for the first time' in there somewhere....
Well, I guess it depends on the power you give it. A friend of mine was raped as a child. By conventional definitions, she would have 'lost' her virginity then as she was penetrated, but she didn't consider losing her virginity until she started sleeping with her partner when she was older.
In general, I don't think the concept of 'lost' is helpful either. But like I said, so many other factors play into it.
Ahem. I didn't think it was needed, because technically you can't lose something more than once, unless you find it again in the meanwhile.
But that's what the whole debate's about!! How do you define losing it?? For instance, if a girl sleeps with a bloke, then she's physically lost her virginity, but if she sleeps with a girl for the first time after that, and it means more, then what's that??
Not sure if I'm getting that across very well...but hopefully you understand what I mean...
Say a girl slept with a few girls, and then with a guy. Would the latter then count as her loss of virginity?
If it involves any sort of penetration, then for lesbians this would include fingering. But Im sure not many people would count fingering as losing one's virginity in a heterosexual relationship.
it can just be the first time you have sexual intercourse, or the equivalent thereof for your sexual orientation. exactly what you decide that equivalent to be is up to you.
sure, it is heteronormative, as you put it, but that's just where the word comes from. I really dont feel that it's necessary to expand the description or invent new words for the sake of political correctness.
I might add "voluntarily" in there, but that's the subject of another debate.
Although I never did understand why people build up losing virginity so much; the dude usually doesn't last long, the sex is bad, and the girl bleeds all over the place. Sounds like a big-assed let down if ya ask me.
Just as there is not one kind of sex or sexual act, perhaps there is not one kind of virginity. Remember that this word was probably coined when peoples' views on sex was 'less broad'.
Even the phrase 'loss of' is old fashioned these days. People more often than not, tend to feel liberated by their sexual awakening and first sexual experience.
I'd agree with that really, given your experience with the new person is going to be different from what came before.
I think you'd have to exclude any type of medical exam in this.
I think it's a rather grey area tbh.
Imho, virginity counts when you start worrying about contraception. Or when there's a risk of catching something/getting pregnant, regardless of whether you actually worry about it
I disagree with the definition of anything involving other people's genitalia or your own, because then does fingering count? I don't feel it does.