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In a mess
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So. A couple of weeks ago I got involved with my best guy mate (who has a girlfriend 
), which I feel pretty awful about. It wasn't a good idea, and only came about because it had been building up for about a year, and my self-esteem was so low i just needed to feel good, and he did that. He was going through a pretty rough time with her aswell, and I don't know, I can't really explain, but I was cheated on in my last relationship and I just wanted to be the girl who had fun, not the girl who got the shit for once. We slept together twice, the second time being a week last friday night. After that I thought, right that's it, it can't happen again. I've found myself starting to like him, and want more from him than just a bit of fun, but I can't have him. So I got myself into this mess, so I thought right, I'll just forget him. Just act completely normal, maybe even put a bit of distance between us. But since that Friday (and I see him pretty much everyday as we have college together and live close) he's completely ignored me! He doesn't text me anymore, avoids talking to me, doesn't hang around in our group anymore. I've been killed completely! And I know I wanted a bit of space from him, but I didn't want to lose him completely We haven't talked about it, so I don't know why he's been like this. I can only presume he's realised what a mistake he's made with me, and is totally avoiding me, which is difficult seeing as we're around each other everyday. This hurts, because I like him a lot, and I thought in my stupid head that he could like me too, but I guess in reality I was just a bit on the side. But then again, I shouldn't have put myself in this position.
Should I just accept that's it, I've lost my friend? And continue this avoidance of one another.Or confront him? (which is a lot easier said than done). I don't want to come across as an awful person, and it's making me cringe typing this. It was a really really bad idea. I didn't realise before that this kinda thing could ruin friendships, I thought it was just a bit of fun. But now I don't know how to handle it. I want to be assertive and in control of it, but I don't know what to do.
), which I feel pretty awful about. It wasn't a good idea, and only came about because it had been building up for about a year, and my self-esteem was so low i just needed to feel good, and he did that. He was going through a pretty rough time with her aswell, and I don't know, I can't really explain, but I was cheated on in my last relationship and I just wanted to be the girl who had fun, not the girl who got the shit for once. We slept together twice, the second time being a week last friday night. After that I thought, right that's it, it can't happen again. I've found myself starting to like him, and want more from him than just a bit of fun, but I can't have him. So I got myself into this mess, so I thought right, I'll just forget him. Just act completely normal, maybe even put a bit of distance between us. But since that Friday (and I see him pretty much everyday as we have college together and live close) he's completely ignored me! He doesn't text me anymore, avoids talking to me, doesn't hang around in our group anymore. I've been killed completely! And I know I wanted a bit of space from him, but I didn't want to lose him completely We haven't talked about it, so I don't know why he's been like this. I can only presume he's realised what a mistake he's made with me, and is totally avoiding me, which is difficult seeing as we're around each other everyday. This hurts, because I like him a lot, and I thought in my stupid head that he could like me too, but I guess in reality I was just a bit on the side. But then again, I shouldn't have put myself in this position.Should I just accept that's it, I've lost my friend? And continue this avoidance of one another.Or confront him? (which is a lot easier said than done). I don't want to come across as an awful person, and it's making me cringe typing this. It was a really really bad idea. I didn't realise before that this kinda thing could ruin friendships, I thought it was just a bit of fun. But now I don't know how to handle it. I want to be assertive and in control of it, but I don't know what to do.
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Hm, well I would go around his house and force him to listen if he's ignoring you completely. Or if you're too intimidated to do that, write him a letter? He HAS to hear your side of this to let him know you want him as a mate and nowt else since he's made it clear this has headfucked him.
I don't know how the situation'll span out from then on, but you NEED to get this talked over otherwise you guys'll be buggered for some time until then, know?
Good luck!
Hmm ..
I reckon he is shitting it that his girlfriend is going to find out and is avoiding you at all costs. Also there may be a chance he likes you but prefers his girlfriend and doesn't want to speak to you because he thinks the feelings might develop. Or he might not like you like that and is avoiding you because it could be awkward.
Give him a while hes probably feeling like a twat for what hes done ... then again hes a lad so probably not .. think very careful over how to react to this but i hope it goes ok for you
The same thing happened with a guy I was sort of involved with, not the same situation but he was messing me around and basically just started ignoring me, not texting me back, avoiding me on MSN etc etc.
I was contemplating just walking away and leaving him to it but it was slowly eating me up inside that he was acting like this towards me without an explanation. He was ignoring me anyway, so I just decided in order to get some sort of closure I needed to tell him how he was making me feel and if I got a reply then great but if I didn't then at least he knew. I ended up sending a ridiculously long email and telling him everything and asking him why he was acting the way he was which did make me feel better.
A couple of days later, suprisingly I got an email back and he gave me the reasons why he was acting the way he was and how he didn't know he was making me feel like this (not entirely convinced by that bit but anyway...) I felt better that he knew and now I feel like I can just get on with things after I sent it.
Basically, I think you need to talk to him as at least you know where you stand and if you send him an email or write him a letter, like 1983 suggested then at least its an easier way to get what you are feeling across and he has to listen to what you are saying that way. If you just accept this, you will always be wondering what hes thinking. You never know, he might be looking for an opportunity to talk to you about it all and like Lipsy said, boys react to situations by pretending they are not happening, if you confront him about it then you are giving him the opportunity to answer back about his behaviour.
Hope it all gets sorted out for you!
I would like to talk to him, because there's a lot I need to get off my chest, but I find it hard to express how I feel when I know he's going to read it/hear it. And I'm really scared he's just going to turn around and say something along the lines of 'being with you made me realise how much I actually love my girlfriend, and I don't want anyone else', and I don't know if I want to put myself up for the kind of rejection. Insecure I know :rolleyes:
I mean, it's not going to come out positivly for me, as he wouldn't be ignoring me in the first place if it was. I also feel a bit angry that he shouldn't be able to get the best of both worlds (having a girlfriend and being with someone else) and walk away without any awkward discussions or complicated feelings.
anyway i agree with what everyone else has said. he either doesnt want to see you because hes feeling guilty about his girlfriend and doesnt wanna talk about what happened, or because he has feelings for you and thinks if he sees you again they'll grow stronger and he doesnt want to leave his girlfriend.
from my experience i think you'll find it really hard to stay friends again. i tried it in my situation and even though we are friends it'll just never be the same. i think its because too many feelings are involved, and also when we're alone together theres always a chance of something happening again and it frustrates me that we still like each other but hes still with her.
you definitely need to talk to him and sort things out i know its hard if hes ignoring you though...but especially since you see each other so much. maybe just text him saying you wanna be friends and want to sort things out, so can you go for a drink or something. i ended up going for a random drive at night with him and sorting things out.
let us know how it goes, i feel for you!
This is all true.
Could be a million different reasons why he's ignoring you, so don't assume the worst. Try and talk to him if you can.
trust...Just ride it, and take it in
Do confront him about it if it will make you feel better - but as you predicted it probably will just end up making you feel worse.
I would just leave it for a while if I was you - if your friends it should all come right in the end - but I think if you confront him at this stage then you'll just end up alienating him further.