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dilemma
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I haven't posted here for soooooo long but I have a dilema and I don't really know what to do so thought I'd ask you guys.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 and a half years and it's all been really good, everything was blissful until Christmas. And then out of the blue he told me that things weren't going well and that he needed some space because I was crowding him. I knew that this wasn't all true so I did some investigating and found out that he'd been txting, ringing and talking on msn (in a flirty way) with a girl that he worked with. He then threw a party and invited said girl (and not me), in fact I called him during the party and he pretty much told me to fuck off. I was devastated.
His shitty behaviour went on for about a month or 6 weeks before I bit the bullet and dumped him, I just couldn't cope with it any more. I knew things weren't the same. At one point he'd even told me that he didn't love me anymore.
After a few days he came back, he was the most depressed person that I had ever seen and he begged me to get back with him. He told me over and over how stupid he'd been and how much he loved and missed me. He's just panicked...he's a year younger than me and can be quite immature. He thought he was missing out on things because he was with me and he realised that he was wrong. So we got back together and everything went back to normal.
The only blip was that I found he'd been texting that girl again. But they were just friendly txts and nothing like I'd read before. Still it upset me a lot and I asked him to delete her number and not talk to her outside of work again which he did.
Now he's just left his job and moved about 2 hours away so we will be having a long distance relationship with him coming home or me going to visit at weekends. However he's home next week and supposed to be going out with his old work friends to say goodbye. You guessed it...that girl is going to be there.
I know I'm just being insanely jealous but I can't help it. I'm not invited. I was told that it was just the lads from work but now I know (from talking to one of his old work friends) that the girls are going too including that girl. What should I do? Wait until he gets home and mention it? I don't really want to mention it on the phone. Or just bite my tongue one last time and let him go without mentioning it at all?
The added complication is that they're all going to end up in the same nightspot as me and my friends. I was really looking forward to the night but now I'm dreading it. I NEVER want to meet this girl cos I'll hate her and feel like shit. What do I do?
Sorry this is so long...I ranted on a bit
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 and a half years and it's all been really good, everything was blissful until Christmas. And then out of the blue he told me that things weren't going well and that he needed some space because I was crowding him. I knew that this wasn't all true so I did some investigating and found out that he'd been txting, ringing and talking on msn (in a flirty way) with a girl that he worked with. He then threw a party and invited said girl (and not me), in fact I called him during the party and he pretty much told me to fuck off. I was devastated.
His shitty behaviour went on for about a month or 6 weeks before I bit the bullet and dumped him, I just couldn't cope with it any more. I knew things weren't the same. At one point he'd even told me that he didn't love me anymore.
After a few days he came back, he was the most depressed person that I had ever seen and he begged me to get back with him. He told me over and over how stupid he'd been and how much he loved and missed me. He's just panicked...he's a year younger than me and can be quite immature. He thought he was missing out on things because he was with me and he realised that he was wrong. So we got back together and everything went back to normal.
The only blip was that I found he'd been texting that girl again. But they were just friendly txts and nothing like I'd read before. Still it upset me a lot and I asked him to delete her number and not talk to her outside of work again which he did.
Now he's just left his job and moved about 2 hours away so we will be having a long distance relationship with him coming home or me going to visit at weekends. However he's home next week and supposed to be going out with his old work friends to say goodbye. You guessed it...that girl is going to be there.
I know I'm just being insanely jealous but I can't help it. I'm not invited. I was told that it was just the lads from work but now I know (from talking to one of his old work friends) that the girls are going too including that girl. What should I do? Wait until he gets home and mention it? I don't really want to mention it on the phone. Or just bite my tongue one last time and let him go without mentioning it at all?
The added complication is that they're all going to end up in the same nightspot as me and my friends. I was really looking forward to the night but now I'm dreading it. I NEVER want to meet this girl cos I'll hate her and feel like shit. What do I do?
Sorry this is so long...I ranted on a bit
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Comments
I dont wanna be harsh but hello why is he texting another girl!! honey your 21 and you dont need this shit!! Enoy being young and kick that boy to the kerb!! lol
K xx
Cherry...he no longer texts her. He deleted her number when I asked him to and deleted the texts she sent him after that point. I trust him 100% that he's done that. I'm not gonna chuck away the relationship we've got cos of something that no longer happens.
I do trust him, I know he wouldnt' cheat. It's just the fact that that girl will be there. It just brings up shitty memories and it makes me upset. I want her nowhere near me or my boyfriend.
Am I being unreasonable?
Thing is I wouldn't be like this with any other girl, I'd trust him 100% but because of what happened with this girl I just don't feel comfortable with it.
not alot else you can do i'm afraid, if you cant change where you're going an he cant change where he is going, ya gonna have to grin and bear it, just remember who won
:no: You've made her forbidden fruit now, bad move.
I can never understand people in relationships who think they can tell their bf/gf who not to speak to.
More fool him for agreeing to it.
I would agree that doing that was maybe not sensible- but I can understand why you did it. Really, you have two choices- either trust him and keep quiet about your worries, or if you really are concerned that something may happen and feel that deep down you can't trust him, it might be time to call it a day. You may have just outrgown eachother, y'know? It's hard to accept, especially when you've been together for a while, but it does happen a lot.
You say:
But actually, you might not hate her. I'm not suggesting for a minute that you would like her, or want to talk to her, but maybe actually facing her will help you to put all this behind you for good - it's like facing a fear. You'll be out with your man, and you can show her (like littleali said) that you're well and truly back together. Don't let it slip your mind that he chose you over her - he could have easily stayed with her - but he realised what he would have been missing out on. I guess what you will need to decide for yourself is whether this guy is worth it.
Also, it might not hurt to mention to your boyfriend if he does bring her up, that you are feeling a bit insecure about the whole thing. Try not to have a go at him about it, or place blame, just be open with him about it. If he's aware that you're feeling a bit fragile about the whole thing, then it may well help if you do end up meeting up at the same place.
It sounds like you've got a fair bit of thinking to do - so feel free to rant on here as much as you like, whenever you like
i get what you mean, BUT.....
it's not like she's told him to stop texting some random girl he knows! it's a girl who he had a thing for/with
if he didnt put their relationship in jepordy for this girl, she'd have no reason to ask him to stop texting her
i know if my fella was texting a girl and we got back together, i wouldnt be happy about him continung to do it, it's disprespectful to say the least
Perhaps, but my point is it baffles me that people have the cheek to tell another adult what they can or can't do.
it also baffles be that someone who is in a commited relationship has the cheek to text/meet/ring another person behind their partner's back :thumb:
I know what you mean, but one of the things that often makes relationships complex is that everyone has their own boundaries, and part of compromise in relationships is accepting each other's boundaries. If you don't accept them, then usually it means arguments will happen and maybe you're not supposed to be together. Wow, this could turn into a debate. So back on topic, and feel free to take it to P&D :thumb: