If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
a wierd Q - he's new to relationships+im not....and its causing a clash
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ok,so i 
my new fella, but (to get straight to the point) he's never had a long term relationship b4, and ive always had ones that last at least 2 years. this would be ok, apart from the fact that he doesnt seem to know how to act around women sometimes. like, he'll say something that's rly insensitive/insulting and not know why im angry/hurt/whatever! its like im having to hold his hand and show him how real relationships work - which i dont want to have to do, but if i just leave him to it he ends up doing something to anger/upset me!
this makes things sound really bad, but every other aspect is brilliant!
any advice on how i can make him realise what he says/does sometimes is wrong, and that he could just not do it in the 1st place (he always realises and apologises once im really upset, but it'd be nice if i wasnt feeling like this so often)
help? advice? and please dont judge us, because other than this we're very happy!
L+C
my new fella, but (to get straight to the point) he's never had a long term relationship b4, and ive always had ones that last at least 2 years. this would be ok, apart from the fact that he doesnt seem to know how to act around women sometimes. like, he'll say something that's rly insensitive/insulting and not know why im angry/hurt/whatever! its like im having to hold his hand and show him how real relationships work - which i dont want to have to do, but if i just leave him to it he ends up doing something to anger/upset me!this makes things sound really bad, but every other aspect is brilliant!
any advice on how i can make him realise what he says/does sometimes is wrong, and that he could just not do it in the 1st place (he always realises and apologises once im really upset, but it'd be nice if i wasnt feeling like this so often)
help? advice? and please dont judge us, because other than this we're very happy!
L+C
0
Comments
That just sounds more like he isn't quite comfortable around women, and he isn't used to how fickle you lot can be
Have you TOLD him which things he says that get to you, or do you just get all upset and he has to figure it out for himself?
talia - i know ive got to show him what i like,etc, but i dont want to. sounds odd, but id love it if he knew what was good or bad without me having to explain it to him - im not his mum!!
And just so everyone knows....i know im far from perfect myself, im just focusing on this particular issue! im not saying its all him, i do become sensitive sometimes!
I feel the same- my ex was very sensitive to my needs, perhaps a little too forgiving of my bad moods etc. My current boyfriend isn't so great at understanding the way i might feel when certain things are done or said. I know he was single for a while before we got together which probably contributes to it. He's very laid back and I can be very sensitive- so we do clash occasionally. And I'm REALLY bad at placing blame on him, when half of it is him being too complacent and the other half is me being too stressy.
I think at the end of it, being in a relationship is all about give and take, and learning to live with the other person's flaws as much as their qualities. So long as you keep talking to eachother and are essentially happy, you're on the right track
im hoping we can discuss it tonite!
To be fair- in life we learn from all our experiences. It teaches us about human nature and how to react to different situations. Therefore, from your previous relationships you will have learnt certain things, and developed your own 'criteria' if you like of how you expact a relationship to be. That's only human. The only problem is that not every relationship is the same, so applying the same expectations will inevitably not work out. The trick is to cast previous experiences aside really, and recognise that no two people are the same, so no two relationships will be the same either. Does that make any sense?
anyone else got any other pearls of wisdom??
Yes.
Don't be afraid to apologise yourself as it's (at least) 50% you causing the issues, with the whole 'comparing the past' thing.
Lol, Did it say that on the tin ' will not expire for at least two years ' ?
The fact he hasn't had a relationship before has nothing to do with why he isulted you/whoever.
wouldn't say so. Sometimes I am insensitive too, just because I am sometimes crude and brassy (used to, when around the boys), and girl sometimes don't quite get the humor behind it, or just don't like it.
I am not doing to provoke however.
well, L+C, I think there is no other way than the good ol' "try and error"-system. I.e. he makes something 'wrong' and you say that it's not ok (if you do not want to hold lectures with diagrams and detention if he's whispering with his neighbour).
I think he's going to pick up the basics fairly quick.