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Am I being an idiot?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Right, I've been seeing/sleeping with this guy for about five weeks. I'm always buying him food and drinks and stuff and making him dinners. We've had a couple of nights out where I paid for all his drinks and the taxi home. I'm always giving him lifts everywhere and I've bought him a couple of little presents, not to try and win him over or anything but just because they were things he wanted and I knew it would make him happy to have them.

Whenever we are together I'm always giving him cuddles and kisses and telling him he is cute and stuff. The nicest thing he has ever said to me is that I smell like clothes that have just come out of the tumble dryer. He has never said anything like you look nice tonight, you're sexy, I like being with you, or anything else that could even be interpreted as nice. When I ask him about it, he said he just isn't used to being with someone nice and giving compliments.

I know it shouldn't matter but he has never spent a single penny even buying me a coke or anything, and he works full time whereas I'm only a poor student, so I am beginning to wonder if he is just taking the piss a bit? Am I being a mug? It wouldn't matter so much if he was really nice when we are together and made me feel really special, but he doesn't even do that. I only just came out of a five year relationship about 3 or 4 months ago, so I'm wondering is this just what its like these days?!

Any thoughts would be much appreciated x

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He does sound like he's getting exactly what he wants (since you're already sleeping together) and having to give you little/nothing in return.

    You don't sound particularly happy about it either - and I'm not bloody surprised.

    I'd say firstly you need to have a good 'chat' with him - make him see this from your perspective and tell him that you need treating well - there's no harm in any of the things you've asked for.

    Secondly, you need to ask yourself do you want to stay with someone who treats you like that? He hasn't spent a penny on you in 5 weeks??? I know money isn't the answer to everything but crikey any normal bloke who was into you would have bought you stuff to make you smile and make you feel wanted/special.

    And he doesn't even compliment you?

    Overall, it sounds like you're being taken for a ride!

    You deserve better!

    79
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you need to talk to him and explain how you feel.

    Personally, I would break up with him.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should gauge what his reaction is when you don't buy him stuff and compliment him. Give him a bit of his own treatment and see what he makes of it.

    Sounds to me like you're not really happy with him. Are you sure you're not just looking for company? Having come out of a long term relationship and being so used to being with someone....
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    normally i would say the bloke should pay for more things than the girl

    and also if he doesnt even compliment you that is taking the piss

    i recommend talking to a close friend of his and asking him what hes usually like

    if its just the way he is then think about the pros and cons

    but if hes normal round them and different to you then seriously consider dumping him because hes taking you for a ride
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm just hoping that he's very very clueless. What I was wondering is, do you automatically pay for things? Say when you go to a pub with him and stand at the bar do you say 'I'll get these!' because he may just have become pretty lax and used to you paying all of the time. Maybe when you stand at the bar just pause and wait. If there's an awkward moment maybe say jokingly 'Arent you going to buy your lady a drink then?' or something to that effect.

    If he doesn't pick up the hint then have a chat with him. He might not even have any idea things are feeling wrong for you. As for the compliment thing, some people are just like that and aren't used to giving compliments. Maybe your ex boyfriend was good at this but he isn't. This might sound sneaky and fishing for compliments but maybe play a game where you tell him your favourite thing about him..physically or whatever and then you ask him what his is in response. He may come out of his shell if prompted.

    If you really like him and think things are worth salvaging and try different things out but if he isn't respecting you and making you unhappy then get out of there.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for your replies guys. We haven't even had the chat yet about what are doing and where it is going, but even if it is just a bit of fun/fuck buddy situation I still don't think I'm getting a fair deal!

    The reason I always paid for stuff was because he had no money, however he got paid last Friday and has made it clear that he has no intention of even buying me one drink, which is what made me think I am (excuse any pun) being taken for a ride.

    I am going away for three weeks as of tomorrow anyway and I'm seeing him tonight before I go, so I think I will take this as an opportunity to suggest that we just leave it. I do genuinely think he is just clueless when it comes to women though rather than a malicious person as he has only had one girlfriend, but its still not an excuse because I think I've made it quite clear that I'm not happy with some stuff!

    Cheers guys x
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