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Sticky situation

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
You go to a nightclub and see the girlfriend of one of your best friends 'getting jiggy with it' with another woman. Do you tell your friend ?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's a hard one. On one hand, I would tell him because it saves him finding out later if he sees them together but on the other hand, he may think that for some reason you might be trying splitting them up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    That's a hard one. On one hand, I would tell him because it saves him finding out later if he sees them together but on the other hand, he may think that for some reason you might be trying splitting them up.

    :yes: And also if you don't tell him and he finds out and then later finds out that you knew all along he'd prob be mad at your for not telling him.

    Either way in this situation your gonna end up in the shit. I suppose it's a case of needing someone to take your anger out on.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's exactly what i've told him. It's a mate who's seen his mate's gf with a lesbian. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rubberskin - if you were him and someone told you that, how would you feel?
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    That is a really tough one. There seems to be two obvious options here. But firstly it might be a good idea to see how your friend feels about the relationship at the moment. If she's absolutely loved up, it might be really harsh to burst the bubble, and she may not thank you for it.

    Did any of your other mutual friends see it too? You could tell her what you saw, and ask your other friends to tell her too, separately. Alternatively, you could confront your friend's girlfriend about it. It seems pretty off for her to be doing that in a club where there's a good chance she'll be spotted. Maybe she was subconciously hoping people would see her?

    Good luck whatever you decide. :)

    ETA: sorry, bit confused - your mate is a guy? Either way what I've said is the same.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If i was in a monogomous relationship and my good mate told me he'd seen my partner with someone else, i think i'd thank him for it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thats good advice Helen, thanks.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    That's a hard one. On one hand, I would tell him because it saves him finding out later if he sees them together but on the other hand, he may think that for some reason you might be trying splitting them up.

    If It's a good, or the best mate of mine I would tell, and he would not believe I'm just doing it to split them up.

    Depends on the person tho, because if I have the suspicion the 'mate' could give away WHO saw his girlfriend (me), I might come under attack from both sides.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with Helen :yes:.

    I also think you should tell her that if she doesn't tell her oh about it herself, then you'll tell them. While I'm sure he'd rather hear it from her, if she's not going to tell him then I think he would be happier to find out from a friend rather than seeing it himself or someone he didn't know telling him. At least he can trust you to be honest with him :yes:.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    in what way were they "gettin jiggy"

    without sounding patronising, a lot of silly little girls hug, kiss, fance on each other to get attention, doesnt necessarily mean she's a lesbo or is doing the dirty on him

    if getting jiggy involved more than girlyness, i think you should tell him x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    If It's a good, or the best mate of mine I would tell, and he would not believe I'm just doing it to split them up.

    Fair point.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Littleali wrote: »
    in what way were they "gettin jiggy"

    without sounding patronising, a lot of silly little girls hug, kiss, fance on each other to get attention


    Jiggy as in snogging, lurking around in dark corners doing whatever and generally being quite sexed up on the dance floor.

    This isn't a silly girl of 18 or so, she's well into her 30's.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ahh right, well that puts a new spin on things

    my motto is, if you'd want to be told, tell him/her :)

    do unto others and all that jazz.....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been in this situation twice and I did a different thing each time.

    The first was a friend who was having doubts about her relationship and she had a feeling he was seeing someone else, she confided this in me and the week after I saw her boyfriend kissing someone in a club. I walked over to him and said either he tells her right now or I do. I rang her the next day and he hadn't said anything so I told her. She was really pleased that I did.

    The other was someone who wasn't ready to believe her boyfriend was a lying pig, she knew of other times he had been with other people and she insisted he would change. I didn't end up telling her, I did feel guitly but I knew she was already aware of what he was doing and I didn't want to embarrass her by telling her I'd seen him too. She eventually saw sense anyway a few months later. I think in that case she was better off working it out for herself rather than hearing it from me.

    So I suppose what I'm saying is that I really think it depends on the person and the situation. You don't want to get in the situation of your friend believing their gf/bf over you.

    Good luck whatever you decide.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    RubberSkin wrote: »
    If i was in a monogomous relationship and my good mate told me he'd seen my partner with someone else, i think i'd thank him for it.

    Are you sure it's a monogamous relationship? This might have been something they've discussed between themselves already...
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