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Risking everything for love?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Telling one of your closest friends you're in love with them or keep quiet?
They have a girlfriend we had a ONS last year when they were on a break.
We're best mates, we get on so well, always out together, always a spark.
The thing is if I tell him I'm risking everything, our friendship, possibly our whole circle of friends as things will never be the same again if he doesn't feel the same.
This is tearing me up inside though and I just don'r know what to do :crying:
I've suggested not being pals anymore as his girlfriend is pretty jealous of our friendship but he said that was stupid.
Any self-help books out there? :banghead:
They have a girlfriend we had a ONS last year when they were on a break.
We're best mates, we get on so well, always out together, always a spark.
The thing is if I tell him I'm risking everything, our friendship, possibly our whole circle of friends as things will never be the same again if he doesn't feel the same.
This is tearing me up inside though and I just don'r know what to do :crying:
I've suggested not being pals anymore as his girlfriend is pretty jealous of our friendship but he said that was stupid.
Any self-help books out there? :banghead:
0
Comments
So what would your advice be?
It's tearing me apart - I've been able to cope until now and just put it at the back of my mind
Love hurts!!! :mad:
Yeh, I really dont want to lose them and I know I shouldn't feel this way about them.
Sometimes you cant help who you fall for though :rolleyes:
Think to yourself, if you prepared to accept the worst outcome then go ahead. However if things dont go as planned and you would regret it; then dont do it.
Welcome to TheSite :wave:
It sounds like quite an akward situation and I'm sorry to hear it's upsetting you so much.
I know it's the biggest cliche in the book, but while partners can come and go, friends can last a lifetime and the fact you and this guy get on so well, "always go out together and have a spark" is not something to sniff at - those friendships are the ones to really cherish. However, it's worth bearing in mind that if your frienship doesn't develop into more, and you want to continue being pals, then the chances are that you will need to make some effort with his girlfriend too.
You say you had a one night stand which does complicate things somewhat. On the one hand, there's a good chance he knows you fancy him and likes you too, but perhaps not enough to have a full-on relationship with you - afterall he did go back to his current girlfriend.
On the other hand, he might well like you more, but is unsure about what the future might hold for the two of you and is afraid to say anything. But to be honest, this does seem like the more unlikely of the two options since you are already so close.
You might find the following articles help you to think about these two possibilities further -
Fancied friend
I love my best friend
Hope this helps
Thanks very much for that I'll have a read :thumb:
Unfortunately that *is* my advice.
Other people have stepped forwards now
Lol sorry i have no advice.
keep quiet and move to the background. Don't think about it much, and try to get a bit of space inbetween so you don't go crazy. I only say this because he has a girlfriend and it's pretty unfair.
I don't think it's unsensible to say that there is nothing wrong to wait and close in for the kill if there is a break or a breakup.
Saying that, I told a friend of mine that I fancied him last year (he has a girlfriend who I've met a few times) and it went alright. However, I've also been in the situation where I told someone I fancied him and it got rather awkward and complicated.
if it's tearing you up inside it will either make you really really miserable (not good) or make you do something stupid (also not good). I'd tell him how you feel and if he feels the same way then I'm afraid his girlfriend is his responsibility. you can't help how you feel and if he reciprocates he shouldn't be with her.
hopefully if he's such a nice bloke, he'll be able to reject you without informing your whole circle of friends if he does so.
lovers are better than friends if that's the way you feel.
If a friendship is strong enough it will last through telling each other anything at all and it really should just be between the two of you and have no effect on the rest of your friendship circle.
I try to keep to the background but we go to all the same places, have the same circle of friends.
His girl goes psycho about me already so I told him we should stop being mates to which of course he said no dont be so stupid
Another friend asked me the other night what I'd say if he split up with her and asked me out, I said of ocurse I'd go out with him, I just don't know that he'd ask me for sure....:crying:
We have slept together and it hurt me then that he got back together with her, it's like I'm his fuckin shoulder to cry on or the 'third' person in a relationship.
I've only ever felt like this about one other person in my life, they were my soulmate and I watched them die in front me I just dunno if I can take the chance of losing another one. How many chances at real love does one get?
But there's the girlfriend getting in the way 'thing' :banghead: (and I know I shouldn't feel like she is 'getting in the way' )
If we dont speak for a day it's weird, we're that close.
I don't know if I should just spell it out to him and fuck the consequences because carrying on in the background isn't doing me any good...
I have this horrible horrible feeling that I'm so used to being treated like a cunt and that's what he's doing he just doesn't realise he's doing it? :no:
We're emailing and I'm crying :crying:
If you're emailing, texting, calling, meeting, etc, then naturally it won't be easy to stay in the background as you're everything but!
Maybe you could tell him you're finding it hard to meet him so much because you may be developing feelings for him or something like that. You need to do something, pretending like everything is a-okay when it clearly isn't is only going to tear you apart and unrequited love is not worth it.
All the best!
We've been out together both nghts this weekend, and he kinda knows how I feel (sort of) and I know how he feels so we're just gonna let nature take it's course.....
Of course it doesn't help that because we're such good friends we could risk a fantastic friendship, I'll just have to see what happens when him and his girlfriend split up which is on the cards. :rolleyes: