If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Just one thing I'm sensitive to really getting me down...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey everyone,
Hope you're good. Thanks for all the advice. I took a few days off work to read www.HowToBeCooler.com in great depth, which is a fantastic, valuable insight, even for people generally deemed 'sociable' it can be really helpful to finetune oneself.
I've been in a much more positive mood, forgetting about being single / virgin / never had girlfriend etc, keeping myself busy so life is fine, in the mindframe that if something comes along then that's all good but I'm not going to get depressed trying desperately to look for it.
However, just with normal everyday conversation with people they'll always ask the same thing that really gets me down. Every single day this week when I have caught up with friends, they'll always ask the same question naturally: "How's your lovelife?" or "So how's your ladies situation?", often after going into depth about their own. It just really gets me down as I'm then reminded of the fact that I can't get anything. And I really don't know how to respond properly - it's not in my nature to lie, and I know from what you've said how offputting it is to go into a self-pitying "I'm completely unfanciable, nobody will ever want to go out with me so I have no choice but to remain single" track.
Things then get worse when I don't know what to say, and whether I say the truth, try and change subject saying I don't want to talk about it, or appear a bit hazy, I always then get grilled by them on the subject. And twice it's ended up with the incredibly frustrating "Oh but you're such a wonderful guy, I can't see how any girl wouldn't want you" crap by single girls who themselves wouldn't go out with me. :banghead: Which drives me pretty insane.
So overall the last few nights, going out to bars, clubs and house parties has always left me feeling pretty miserable as the subject always crops up with friends innocently asking "How's my women situation?". Typically it's people who don't know me that well who assume I'm a normal guy who'll be dating or being shown interest by people or pulling on nights out, like pretty much most young London graduates, innocently asking. How do I not get cut up about it and respond in a way that'll not drive me further into depression and stop them grilling me?
Thx x
Hope you're good. Thanks for all the advice. I took a few days off work to read www.HowToBeCooler.com in great depth, which is a fantastic, valuable insight, even for people generally deemed 'sociable' it can be really helpful to finetune oneself.
I've been in a much more positive mood, forgetting about being single / virgin / never had girlfriend etc, keeping myself busy so life is fine, in the mindframe that if something comes along then that's all good but I'm not going to get depressed trying desperately to look for it.
However, just with normal everyday conversation with people they'll always ask the same thing that really gets me down. Every single day this week when I have caught up with friends, they'll always ask the same question naturally: "How's your lovelife?" or "So how's your ladies situation?", often after going into depth about their own. It just really gets me down as I'm then reminded of the fact that I can't get anything. And I really don't know how to respond properly - it's not in my nature to lie, and I know from what you've said how offputting it is to go into a self-pitying "I'm completely unfanciable, nobody will ever want to go out with me so I have no choice but to remain single" track.
Things then get worse when I don't know what to say, and whether I say the truth, try and change subject saying I don't want to talk about it, or appear a bit hazy, I always then get grilled by them on the subject. And twice it's ended up with the incredibly frustrating "Oh but you're such a wonderful guy, I can't see how any girl wouldn't want you" crap by single girls who themselves wouldn't go out with me. :banghead: Which drives me pretty insane.
So overall the last few nights, going out to bars, clubs and house parties has always left me feeling pretty miserable as the subject always crops up with friends innocently asking "How's my women situation?". Typically it's people who don't know me that well who assume I'm a normal guy who'll be dating or being shown interest by people or pulling on nights out, like pretty much most young London graduates, innocently asking. How do I not get cut up about it and respond in a way that'll not drive me further into depression and stop them grilling me?
Thx x
0
Comments
Just make a joke out of the question "Oh i'm just waiting for the right one to come along" or "non-existent" and laugh. Nothing is wrong with being single, just answer the question and move the conversation along to something else.
Or bwhen your mate asks you ow your lovelife is, you say "Ohh you mean your mother? Yeah, she's great."
I am still a bit suspicious about your 'friends' circle. Just make a joke of it, like it has been said. What's so bad with a simple, "Oh, well I am single at the moment." If he wants anymore detail riposte with, "Don't be so nosy.." or whatever. I think you can come up with something better. Why should it be legitimate to get every single detail out of someones sexlife, if your relationship towards seem not too close?
and if that doesn't work, a swift headbutt to the nose works for me
Just make a joke out of it or take the mick back, thats what i really do.
you should be able to be yourself around your mates, not pretend
you mean, you being on the receiving end of the headbutt, because you wouldn't shut up about everyone's sex life? Well, you have to know best if it worked
I believe I've been misunderstood, switch it round to you giving the headbutt.
All the incidents this week it's been people who've not known about my situation, they'll know I'm single but still be innocently asking if there's any girls on the horizon - pretty much all "single" people here will still be chasing/dating or have recently pulled etc. I've tried joking off "non-existent" which just leads to grilling or sympathy or some stupid cliched response.
That in itself is uncool though :chin:
Don't try so hard, and definitely don't waste your time off reading crappy websites.
I know that one very well indeed and it's the most annoying thing in the world.
Hope it sorts itself out and you can overcome this Jomery, when you do, can you let me know how its done please fella so I can rediscover my will to live.
Have you tried reading the link that Jomery had been reading ??
Give it a look
:thumb:
Well, maybe a little question on the side, but if they go into great detail and ask you every fraction of your lovelife (especially when only catching up), I think it is a bit out of order. Well, not for me, I have no problem to talk long and wide about it (and I'm getting jack at the moment as well), but the difference is, it doesn't bug me.
Just go like, "Oh, I am single right this moment, the right one hasn't crossed my path yet, hehe.", or, "Well, I had my beady eye on someone, but it didn't quite work out, haha...", or, "oh, I'm a bit shy
Can't believe we have to prefabricate phrases for you, just you can lead normal conversation, or slid out of an uncomfortable topic. If they give you sympathy just be like, "aww, thanks... but what about (a drink, your careerm...) [changes topic]?"
this is most definitely your favourtie smiley, judging from a couple of your posts
/eta: As stupid as it might sound, but if I met a girl who is hopelessly single just as I am, and she's giving me fake sympathy about "awwww, you are the guy every girl is waiting for." I'd confront her about it. "Well, here I am, you don't have to wait anymore." She'll probably follow with a crappy excuse... As misogynistic as this might be, I'd stop hanging out with her. Look after yourself, she's not doing you any good, you are obviously not good enough for her and you don't need x girl-friends who you have the hots for, so they can dump their problems and sorrow on you. I definitely don't want to feel like a tool for someone...
Ah, blass, it's just the piss talking. Fuck it.
After awhile they well notice that it doesn't wand you up anymore cos your past caring. You just have to become comfortable in your own skin first then soon you will see the change in others towards you.:)
I also think you're going to the wrong places to try to meet a partner. Young professionals do not, as a rule, meet them at clubs. Many are introduced by friends. Others use online ads or dating agencies etc. Learn to "wine and dine". And whatever you do don't pour out your woes! The right girl won't ask you too much about your past and if they do you can simply say "nothing serious". You don't have to say "nothing at all".