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too soon to get into another relationship?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
In an attempt to prevent this post from being a ginormous rant, I'm going to try and be brief.
My best friend had been with his girlfriend for just over two years, but has been moaning about the relationship and talking negativly about her since about December. He had even said he wanted to break-up with her for good, but always put it off saying he can't do it just before christmas, or just before their anniversary or just before valentines day. So I always thought, hmm, well he can't really be that fed up of the relationship if he keeps putting off getting out of it.
Anyways, I've been best friends with him for a while, and for me it's always been platonic, but there have been a few times where he has said 'Kate I really like you, and I'm really confused, and would you ever want to be with me?' etc. But, I know all too well what it's like to have your partener go with someone else, so I always said no, and him being kinda shy and nice, always not mentioned it again. Even though, some of our other friends had twigged by then that he quite liked me and were constantly telling me to forget the fact he has a girlfriend and just go for it!
But then, there was last Saturday...We went to a mate's party and kinda ended up getting it on a bit. I feel really bad about it, but that's not what this thread's about.
He broke up with her on Monday. It wasn't upsetting for her apparantly, she said she saw it coming and understood it was getting a bit stale. Now he wants to give us a try, and I do too, I really do. But I'm so worried about just being a replacement for his last girlfriend, or a rebound. We've talked about it, and he said things were over with his girlfriend months ago and that he just needed the final push to have the guts to get out of it.
But how long should I leave it? Because I don't want to leave it, but I feel like I really should for a few weeks. I don't see how he can just forget someone he's been a relationship with for two years just like that, and move on!
Okies, I think my attempt to be brief failed miseribly. But I don't know what to do
My best friend had been with his girlfriend for just over two years, but has been moaning about the relationship and talking negativly about her since about December. He had even said he wanted to break-up with her for good, but always put it off saying he can't do it just before christmas, or just before their anniversary or just before valentines day. So I always thought, hmm, well he can't really be that fed up of the relationship if he keeps putting off getting out of it.
Anyways, I've been best friends with him for a while, and for me it's always been platonic, but there have been a few times where he has said 'Kate I really like you, and I'm really confused, and would you ever want to be with me?' etc. But, I know all too well what it's like to have your partener go with someone else, so I always said no, and him being kinda shy and nice, always not mentioned it again. Even though, some of our other friends had twigged by then that he quite liked me and were constantly telling me to forget the fact he has a girlfriend and just go for it!
But then, there was last Saturday...We went to a mate's party and kinda ended up getting it on a bit. I feel really bad about it, but that's not what this thread's about.
He broke up with her on Monday. It wasn't upsetting for her apparantly, she said she saw it coming and understood it was getting a bit stale. Now he wants to give us a try, and I do too, I really do. But I'm so worried about just being a replacement for his last girlfriend, or a rebound. We've talked about it, and he said things were over with his girlfriend months ago and that he just needed the final push to have the guts to get out of it.
But how long should I leave it? Because I don't want to leave it, but I feel like I really should for a few weeks. I don't see how he can just forget someone he's been a relationship with for two years just like that, and move on!
Okies, I think my attempt to be brief failed miseribly. But I don't know what to do
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Comments
Two. You said that he always never mentioned it again... Always being like what? For 2 weeks? Sounds like he was putting out major feelers for a while now. How long has this been going on?
Three. You two kind of got it on? As in kind of all the way nakey got it on or kind of made out and wanted to get it on?? Either way, it sounds like you two already started something and you are just suffering from post-coital guilt.
Four. Get over it. You want him, he wants you, you obviously know each other well enough to see yall are sincere. Give it a try.
Just my two bits.
What you've deduced is all pretty spot on. But in answer to your questions; yea he must have mentioned it on and off about 4 or 5 times during whilst he was going out with her. But we've always been kinda flirty, just as the nature of our relationship. 'got it on' - the just making out but wanting to go further, but not because I knew I shouldn't kinda.
Ahhh, kudos for your kinda self control.... lol
I love it.
So I am a firm believer of listening to your womans intuition in situations like this.
So, what is it telling you to do?
This was my opinion too. But I've just had a chat with the guy in question, and omg I didn't think 'a chat' would be that stressful! He was really kind of 'so when are we going to go out?', 'where are you going to be tonight?', 'who are you with?' etc. And wants to discuss every little aspect of our relationship.
I'm not with him yet, I still want to leave it for a bit. But he seems to want to plan exactly what is going to happen with us even when we're going to have sex together for the first time
I'm a fairly laid back person, and all this organising and worrying and stress just makes me want to run away! I didn't think it would be this difficult. I thought it'd be just like Vicky has said above
i think you should be wary, he sounds very restricting. if he's asking where you are and what you're upto now, imagine how he'll be if you start seeing him?
You really need to just play it by ear.
If you get the impression he's made himself emotionally available to you,
then sweet.
If you still feel like he hasn't adequtely severed himself from his last relationship, then that's a little problematic.
It's always a tad tricky slipping into something new so soon.
Believe me.
I know what you're dealin with right now.
Just do what feels right for you.