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Why Is He Being Like This?
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
(some of this is to do with the thread I earlier about self harm & relationships)
There's someone I've been talking to on the internet for about 4 years now and everything was fine up until November when he found out about my self harm. He kept jumping to some conclusions about me and told me that I need help (which he can't give me) and that I need to tell my parents.
Ealier this year this, we had a bit of an argument about something and I suggested that we needed a break from each other. He said no because if he stays away from me, I might slit my wrists and blame him for it - which is a load of rubbish and I'd never do that to anyone.
Anyway, since then he's decided on & off that he can't talk to me and used to basically threaten to block me if I didn't do what he wanted.
Anyone know why he's being like this?
There's someone I've been talking to on the internet for about 4 years now and everything was fine up until November when he found out about my self harm. He kept jumping to some conclusions about me and told me that I need help (which he can't give me) and that I need to tell my parents.
Ealier this year this, we had a bit of an argument about something and I suggested that we needed a break from each other. He said no because if he stays away from me, I might slit my wrists and blame him for it - which is a load of rubbish and I'd never do that to anyone.
Anyway, since then he's decided on & off that he can't talk to me and used to basically threaten to block me if I didn't do what he wanted.
Anyone know why he's being like this?
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
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Comments
He senses (or thinks) you're vulnerable and likes the element of control it gives him??
Interesting. Before he found out about this, he wasn't like this at all. Also, before he found out, he wouldn't threaten to block me or anything like that.:chin:
Might be worth considering then.....but also, not much of a friend if he finds out about this and wants to turn the situation to some kind of weird 'advantage' for him....would think hard about how much you want to involve him/how close you want to get, tbh....
Hmmm...yes...suppose....but not really the right way to approach it, is it? Bit heavy handed!! And not nice to make you panic you're going to lose him as a friend all the time...when you've obviously told him because you want him to be there for you a bit....don't know....if he's acting like that because he cares (but he's just going about it in the wrong way), seems a bit odd that he's ignored that you want to talk to him about it....bit confusing....
I think he is just very bothered by it, as I would be too, and you need to clearly tell him that you would never commit suicide, and maybe tell a white lie that you are in treatment.
I do not want to be condescending but - according to the aforegoing paragraph - I think you should really get proper help, because you know it's not a sensible solution.
He just has to realize that you are not unstable and/or crazy and you can only do that with your own words I reckon.
Kind of been there done that - he once said to me that he can't stay away from me because if I do, I'm going to slash my wrists and blame him for it. (since when was it possible for someone to control someone else like that?) And I had to tell him twice that I wouldn't do that to him.
I know that. I was talking to someone about this on a self harm website who thinks that there's no point me getting help unless I'm ready to give up, which I'm not.
Maybe you coud ask him about this. If someone else knows, maybe you could reassure him that you have people to talk to about it, not just him. If he is the only one who knows, explain to him how grateful you are for his support but let him know it is something you want to deal with by yourself and that you don't wish him to feel responsible for your feelings or actions. I don't know if you have told him that you don't want it to get in the way of your friendship- if you haven't, let him know that. Tell him how important your friendship is, and that maintaining that 'normally' would be a great support to you, even better than his constant worrying about you, which you do appreaciate, but isn't really neccessary.
I might be wrong, but he could be feeling like this... It's definately worth asking, IMO.
Mila
He really doesn't sound like a friend worth keeping, Sofie. Real friends don't use threats like that....
Talk to him when he's being nice and normal, but when he's being a dick don't be afraid to back off yourself and leave him be for a while.
well, be more assertive. Shout at him, i.e. use caps lock. I AM NOT SUICIDAL AND I AM NOT GOING TO SLIT MY WRIST FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU, DORK! IN FACT, IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP RIGHT THIS MINUTE I'M GOING TO SLIT YOURS.
or something....
well, if you are happy with the effect sh has on you, and you are convinced it helps you out, then go along, I am not going to talk someone out of a concept that seems to help him/her.
Already did that. I think I gave him a link to something on here and something on a sh forum I post on.
Yes I have. They've reacted totally differently. However, one of them has been there, done that and one works with people who sh.
Mila - thanks for that. I will try to talk to him. However, apart from one or two emaisl, he seems to have ignored everything I've said to him in the last few weeks - even the stuff totally unrelated to my self harm.
:eek2: I think to some extent, he does trust me not do that any more. (well, he did actually allow me to take a break from him and not talk to him; something he refused a few months ago)
Speaking from experience, from somebody who doesn't understand the need for somebody to do such a thing to themself (and I'm not putting anybody down here that does), perhaps he will never quite understand and it's something you're just going to have to "brush under the carpet" when it comes to this person. Keep the "friendship", don't cut him out, but perhaps lessen the contact bit by bit and so it's not such a big issue.
G.
It does seem this way. However, anyone else I've told hasn't reacted anything like this - many have just said 'I think you need to talk to X, who is good at talking to people about stuff like this.'
Yes.
But he obviously has his own issues with dealing with it. ... and this is something that YOU are going to have to accept as I don't think he'll just forget about this in a hurry.
Some people just don't get it. I understand the theory behind it (my mum has 'explained' why she does it and I've read enough on here), but I still don't understand why anybody would want to do it, as I don't have to myself. I don't get the mentality. If you get what I mean.
I'm in no way as bad as this lad sounds, but it's still not something I want to think too much about when my mum is cutting chunks out of herself.
So yes, you've both got an issue here. *He* I doubt will be able to move on from it, *you* will just have to get it into your head that he has this issue. Not ideal, but I reckon that's the way it is going to have to be.
You mean it's not something you'd personally do as it doesn't make that much sense to you?
That's right.
To my mind, I just don't see how cutting myself/whatever could ever help anything. I realise it's far from uncommon and as I've said, have "first hand experience" of somebody who does it and so tend not to give anybody too much of a hard time. Still doesn't mean I understand the place where your head has to be to do such a thing.