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meeting someone, when you're with someone.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ive been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years. but recently ive met someone, who i REALLY like. and things are 'ok' with my boyfriuend but nothing great. we split up at christmas but got back together at new year.
but now ive met this guy, well ive kinda known him for a while but we'd not spoken to recently.
we've been texting and talkin on the phone and i really like him :(

i dunno wat to do really.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Haven't you had a crush before? Or is this more than a crush? And how many times have you broken up/got back together with your bf?
    Tbh, i don't think a relationship should end because of someone else, they should end on their own accord. But if you've got wandering eyes then i think it says something.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The one piece of advice I would say is don't cheat. If you feel at some point that you deffo wanna be with this new guy, break up with the old guy. Or vice versa.

    In a way I think from the way you've posted,
    and things are 'ok' with my boyfriuend but nothing great. we split up at christmas but got back together at new year.

    I think you already know what it is you want, and maybe you're looking for reassurance. If you and the boyfriend gave it a go, but it didn't work out, there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with leaving him and seeing another guy.

    I would say though, don't see them both at the same time, it's just wrong in so many ways. Best of luck with whatever happens.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you're having serious feelings for another person, beyond admiring his cute little bottom, then you have issues in your current relationship that you need to resolve.

    Do you still like your boyfriend? Do you like him enough to stick with him? Do you want to make a go of things with your boyfriend? If you don't then you should consider ending it, even if you don't end it.

    I wouldn't cheat, and I wouldn't end it on the basis of getting with this new bloke (rebound stuff rarely works out) but if you are getting all hot and bothered about someone who isn't your bf then you need to consider if its worth sticking with your bf.

    The way you mentioned that things aren't great, and that you've already split up once, gives me the feeling that you don't really think it worth sticking with your bf.

    Don't go thinking the grass is greener elsewhere, but if your relationship is at its end, and you either can't or don't want to salvage it, then end it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    Don't go thinking the grass is greener elsewhere, but if your relationship is at its end, and you either can't or don't want to salvage it, then end it.

    Yea, there's another thing I'd like to pick up on, in my experience, I've been in two relationships that have fallen apart and got back together again, and I think you have to really want it to work second time, and both of you have to work hard at it. So if I was in your shoes, if I wanted the relationship to work seriously I'd see the other guy as a threat and decide to stop meeting / talking to him, because I needed to concentrate on my relationship. But a time when I got back with one girl, we just got back... because we weren't sure about being single. But then we realised why we split up, and though it took a few weeks to have the talk, we didn't spend much time together or put a lot of emphasis on trying to fix the problems.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I split up with my boyfriend over Christmas after two and a half years together. Things hadn't been good with us for a while - he seemed more interested in his uni work than me and I could only put up with it for so long.

    There was a guy at my work place who clearly liked me and I started talking to him more and more and kinda got caught up in all the attention I was getting from him - which in turn highlighted the lack of attention I was getting from my own boyfriend.

    Things didn't improve with my boyfriend despite a lot of talking and when we finally split I more or less fell straight into the arms and bed of this guy at work.

    That was about a month ago and this weekend seems to be pretty much make or break with me and the work guy - I'm starting to regret the whole thing. I don't regret breaking up with my boyfriend as we obviously can't be together whilst he is at uni (it just doesn't work) but I do wish I'd stayed single for a bit.

    Don't jump into anything with this new guy. If it's clearly not going to work with you and your boyfriend, split up and stay single for a bit just to work out exactly what you want.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    are you really happy with things just being 'ok' with your boyfriend?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no, not really!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know that its not working really, but its hard. its easier to just carry on as we are. but i know thats wrong!

    plus i really like this guy, i dont think its just a crush
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with the others who have said you need to have space away from both of them. I think tbh that you have answered your own question as far as your boyfriend is concerned, breaking up is hard, often it's easier to just carry on and ignore the problem but do you really want that in the long term? a relationship thats just ok because you don't want pain in the short term?

    good luck x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Id been with my ex for 3 years, things were ok most of the time, not great though, i hadnt wanted to have sex with him for about a year, but we carried on hoping that would sort itself out. Oppotunity came along for us to buy a house together, so we went for it.
    In the months between geeting the mortgage and moving in i started getting to know a guy at work. We seemed to have so much in common we talked more and more,i enjoyed the attention, i wanted his attention and i fancied him, which is something i felt id stopped doing with my bf.
    I felt SO stuck. I was about to move into a house id just bought with my bf of 3 years, but i wanted someone else. Horrible situation, but i thought that if i had those feelings for someone else then i shouldnt be moving in with my bf, it wouldnt be fair to him, so I went along with getting the house, so he could have it, but i never moved in. I thought that wouldnt be easier for him if id never lived in the house.
    So that was that. I knew in my heart i wanted the other guy and im glad i did it. We were really happy together for 8 months, and even started looking for somewhere for us to rent.(other things have split us up a few weeks ago)
    No regrets.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just make sure you end things with the bf before doing anything with the new guy, you don't want to hurt him (anymore than you can help).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Loads of people meet people while they're with other people. That's just the way it goes. Mr/Ms Right tends not to pop up at the most perfect moment, when you're single and just in the right place to settle down.

    We can't tell you if you should leave your boyfriend, and shack up with new guy, or if this is just a grass is greener crush cause everything isn't as hunky-dory as you'd like, and you just need to put more effort into your current relationship. Only you know that.

    But in my experience, if you're actually properly nutso about someone else (you know when it's more than a fleeting crush), and aren't sure your relationship is really worth saving, sometimes the best thing to do is cut your losses, cut loose and find out if this new guy is worth it. If he isn't, oh well. You'll meet someone else who is.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dont be a slapper an cheat!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As someone who has been through this myself recently I would say be very careful. Are you sure that things are bad enough with your boyfriend for you to stray or even split up? If you are unhappy then you should hopefully have the strength to finish it regardless of there being another person involved. I wish I had had that strength as I let a relationship limp along for many years and it was only meeting someone new that made me end it for good. Now I am stuck living with the ex and finding it very difficult to have a new relationship going on. Sometimes it is easier to be alone for a while.

    Has anything 'happened' between you and this other guy? Do you have a history, and have you talked about a future?
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