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new man and jealousy
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hi
ive recently just met a new man, ive been with him a few weeks and i want to spend all my time with him but he wants to spend lots of time with his friends at the pub. i miss him so much. i am clingy and needy. i cant help it. i get paranoid lots and am scared he will go with other girls whilst with his friends.
recently, he wouldnt come and visit me when he cud of done and went out with his friends instead.
i dont like him doing stuff without me.
what can i do to deal with this?
ive recently just met a new man, ive been with him a few weeks and i want to spend all my time with him but he wants to spend lots of time with his friends at the pub. i miss him so much. i am clingy and needy. i cant help it. i get paranoid lots and am scared he will go with other girls whilst with his friends.
recently, he wouldnt come and visit me when he cud of done and went out with his friends instead.
i dont like him doing stuff without me.
what can i do to deal with this?
0
Comments
That is really going to put him off you to be honest. It would put me off a guy if he wanted to see me all the time. How much do you see him? Personally I think it's best to see someone just once or twice a week at the start of a relationship.
Do you have any hobbies or friends you can hang out with yourself? If you are busy yourself it will probably bother you less if he is going out withhis friends.
If he is going to go off with someone else, HE WILL DO IT ANYWAY. You worrying and fretting is not going to make any difference, in fact it may even make him more likely to do something as he gets fed up of it.
Sorry to be a bit harsh but I've been there!
It's nice that you wanna spend time with him, but having your own space and letting him have his is really important.
he was free last weekend but chose to spend it with his friends instead.
i dont have many friends in real life.
You need to look at why you feel insecure. have you been hurt in the past?
Everyones right in that it could easily put him off.
You need to compromise though. You dont have much adult company so no wonder youre craving it with him, but it needs to go at his pace too, and if thats so wildly different from your own pace, then maybe thats saying something?
Well you can't expect him to give up every weekend for you. I suggest you do some work on getting more of a social life for yourself rather than worrying about him. I mean men come and go but friends and hobbies will be there for you whatever.
you could combine it with stuff like toddler group etc - do they still exisist or has the world gone so child protection mad that you can't organise group activities for parents and children.
I do think that the root cause of your problem is not jealousy of him per se but jealousy of him going out and having a life with out you. I think you need to concentrate on making your own life more interesting and not relying on him to spend all his free time with you.
I know it sounds weird but have you tried your local church? My parents are totally non religous but when they were pregnant with me they joined a baby sitting circle organised by the local church - which didn't just do baby sitting but loads of other social activities which included children and adults - they never actually went to a church service - just did all the social bits - and made some excellent friends who they are still friends with 30 years on....
A lot of them can be a bit dunting though and often cliquey.
Its worth checking them out though.
I was mortified to find out that i wasn't classed as a young mother anymore though (err not that i have any children)