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Ever just 'not feel' the relationship?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi guys,

Just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and how it panned out.

Was with my ex for 3 years, split up the xmas before last, went out on a few dates and stuff that year but spent it mostly single and loved every minute of it, just after this xmas met a new girl, i'll leave out the details but been seeing each other since, have had 'the chat' and apparently are now an official couple but I don't know, I just don't 'feel it'?!

She's an awesome girl, she makes me laugh, she's good looking, good sex, but I just can't put my finger on it? I don't get the butterflies or excitement when she rings or texts, I'm not sure if I'm meant to, it certainly doesn't feel 'special'. Will this come do you think with time? Is it wrong that I don't feel it straight away, does that mean that I shouldn't ride it out and see how it goes?

She's 4 years younger than me, at 18, and I think that although I never noticed before, the more time I spend with her the clearer this seems to become, I don't claim to be mature at all but I just find myself kinda lamely smirking/laughing just to entertain some things she says?

*sigh* I don't know! Maybe I should give it a few weeks and see how I feel then, it has only been just over a month but I'm thinking that I should be feeling slightly different about it? I could take it or leave it at the moment!

Any advice would be gratefully received, sorry for waffling!!

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm in this situation. Feels like something is missing.

    I'm thinking it's something to do with moving on so quick? Maybe still having feelings for someone else :confused:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    like Sarah said, I've had this feeling before when I've kinda still had feelings for someone else. Reckon that could be it?

    If not, it's probably not fair if this girl is giving her all to the relationship and you're only giving half, providing of course that she is giving her all, and doesn't feel the same as you.

    But be aware people don't usually realise what they've got until it's gone. It could just take a bit more time, to get to know her a bit more. The age gap isn't that big I don't think, age is usually a state of mind though.

    Just re-read all of that and it sounds completly disjointed. Hope it's been a small amount of help though!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for replies. It's funny you should say that actually because when we split last xmas it wasn't exactly on good terms and I felt pretty hurt by it all and since even when seeing her havn't given her the time of day. In my head I'm completly over it and wouldn't ever go back but I have found myself comparing new and old against each other and old keeps coming out on top! But then I suppose that's natrual for someone that you spent 3 years with and had some great times with.

    Not seeing her for a few days and just going to see how it pans out I think! I get where you're coming from though, thanks!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    JJ454 wrote: »
    Thanks for replies. It's funny you should say that actually because when we split last xmas it wasn't exactly on good terms and I felt pretty hurt by it all and since even when seeing her havn't given her the time of day. In my head I'm completly over it and wouldn't ever go back but I have found myself comparing new and old against each other and old keeps coming out on top! But then I suppose that's natrual for someone that you spent 3 years with and had some great times with.

    Not seeing her for a few days and just going to see how it pans out I think! I get where you're coming from though, thanks!

    Also maybe you're not ready for a relationship, I know I'm not, It's ok for me though as the guy I'm seeing knows this, so I'm not giving false hopes. Well not intentionally anyway. hmm.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, I've been there. For me it was a matter of accepting not every relationship starts with that head-over-heels feeling. Sometimes it builds more slowly.

    Another thing is to not fall into a rut and think the relationship is boring when it's really that you never do anything fun together....
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have... I've had four boyfriends in the past and never felt anything... I'll be honest and say that it's quite likely that it was because they were boys. It's not an issue though (maybe I'm just dating the wrong boys).

    To be fair, I've felt right around very few people.
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