If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
baggage
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Your girlfriendboyfriend told you that they suffered from panic attacks, what would your reaction be? I've been seeing my boyfriend Chris for four months, recently he told me that he loves me which I was over the moon about. The only thing is, I haven't told him about my panic attacks. They aren't majorly a big deal I suppose but for example, I can't go up the escalator in our local shopping centre, I hate the open space at my college and can't walk in it without holding a friend's arm and I get anxious about going out by myself.
My boyfriend is the polar opposite of me. He's bungee jumped, sky dived and always challenges himself. Sometimes I feel like I'm not upto scratch and he'd do better with a 'normal', well adjusted girlfriend.
In the past I've opened upto people about certain issues. I told an ex about my dad dying and was shaking as I told him. He did the usual, hugged and comforted. Then when he decided he had enough of me. He stole the Ipod that my dad had bought me. So I've been let down in the past.
The love thing scares me a little. On one hand it's brilliant to have someone tell you they feel about you like that. But on the other, it opens you up to being hurt badly. I have no false notion that me and Chris are going to end up happily married with 2.4 children because realistically we will break up. I just feel like I care about him so much right now that I am dreading it..hopefully way in advance.
My boyfriend is the polar opposite of me. He's bungee jumped, sky dived and always challenges himself. Sometimes I feel like I'm not upto scratch and he'd do better with a 'normal', well adjusted girlfriend.
In the past I've opened upto people about certain issues. I told an ex about my dad dying and was shaking as I told him. He did the usual, hugged and comforted. Then when he decided he had enough of me. He stole the Ipod that my dad had bought me. So I've been let down in the past.
The love thing scares me a little. On one hand it's brilliant to have someone tell you they feel about you like that. But on the other, it opens you up to being hurt badly. I have no false notion that me and Chris are going to end up happily married with 2.4 children because realistically we will break up. I just feel like I care about him so much right now that I am dreading it..hopefully way in advance.
0
Comments
What you need to remember is that he loves you. He's said it. Why would he have bothered if it weren't true, does he have anything specific to gain from it? (Other than, hopefully, reciprocated feelings). He loves you, so you need to bear in mind that your worries are his worries and I'm sure that is how he wants you to feel. Imagine if the roles were reversed and he was experiencing all this anxiety not only about his problems but also about keeping them from you. You would feel badly that he wasn't giving you the full picture, and undoubtedly feel pretty sad that he felt he had to deal with it alone. Wouldn't you? I'm pretty sure that's how he would see it, if he's half as lovely as you crack him up to be!
With regard to the ex, well the long and short is that you can't let past experiences taint those of the present and future - though, yes, easier said than done. You can ONLY judge what Chris's reaction will be based on Chris's reaction. It's not fair to do otherwise, you can't second guess him based on ex... especially when it sounds as though they're nothing alike. When we have awful experiences and endure broken trust it's hard to give the benefit of the doubt again, but you can do it. You definitely should do it.
Don't second guess his judgement either. Please don't assume a break up is on the cards with no evidence to point to that conclusion - no matter how far down the line you are forseeing the end, I can tell you that'll be a self-fulfilling prophecy if you are expecting and anticipating it. I can tell you that you are fabulous and worthy of him, but I'm not the person you need to hear it from (the person who you need to hear that from is yourself). You ARE good enough for him, he is with you because he WANTS to be with you. Not out of pity, or because he's biding his time until someone better comes along. If I've learned one thing from my disastrous love life it's that you've got to be comfortable in your relationship -- I can't express how important that is. A relationship in which you don't feel secure and comfortable is worse than no relationship at all. But you have that relationship... or you can have. In order for it to happen I just think you need to be candid about your problems and also about your worries and fears relating to your past (as far as you feel you can be, anyway) and the problems you experience day to day. Blow your entire relationship open: all your worries, your feelings, just sit down and talk until it's all come out. In the 0.00001% chance that he reacted badly to your baring your soul, well then at least you would know (won't happen though, trust me
I will, it just always seems like it's me bringing the stupid crap into the relationship. Chris's ex of five years cheated on him with someone at a party and now he absolutely HATES any form of cheating. Which is pretty understandable. In my last relationship, I got kinda wooed out of it. I'm not diverting responsability but that is honestly what happened. Anyway I kissed the wooer which is totally out of character for me because I've never cheated on anyone.
I realised things weren't right in the relationship I was in if I was prepared to do that to the other person. So I broke up with my boyfriend and casually..ahem saw the wooer dude. Then he lets me know that he doesn't want a relationship or anything..which was nice of him. But yeah, I take the blame for my past mistakes. The only thing is we see Wooer guy around and I just let it out in conversation with Chris that I had slept with Wooer. Chris said it felt like he had been punched in the stomach. It was horrible. I cried just knowing that I had hurt him in that way. It feels like the past crawled up behind us and bit me in the arse.
I hate throwing things into the equation when he seems perfectly untainted by things like that.
If I was going out with a girl and was in love with her and she told me she had panaic attacks, it wouldn't bother me. I'd just wanna know how I could help best.
yeah the cheating thing, guys don't like that, well some don't so yeah, knowing you cheated once will make him a bit wary but I guess if you reassure him you won't do it to him and make sure he knows u love him, he will get over it.
If hes upset that you kinda cheated on someone before (and for the record i dont think what you did was very bad) you just have to make sure he knows you would never do anything like that to him, just make him feel secure and loved and eventually he'll forget or just not care any more.