my depressed friend is taking it out on me

Former Member · February 2001

I have this friend, we used to go out, but we're just m8s now and its fine. But recently he's become really depressed and insecure and he always takes it out on me.

I usually go invisible on yahoo messenger because i don't want to talk to him coz he upsets me <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"> he says stuff like "everyone hates me" "im going to kill myself" "you always ignore me" and stuff. I know exactly how he feels because 4 a while i felt the same (but i think i am getting a bit beta now <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">)

But i don't know what to do. i have tried being there 4 him, but he always throws it back in my face. like last nite i hate 4 pm's goin on yahoo and i was trying to write to every1 and if i left his pm for a minute, he would buzz me and say that im ignoring him. Then he starts slaggin me off callng me boring and everything.

I can't exactly b nasty back because he is my friend, and i know he is depressed. i have encouraged him to go to the doc or a councellor soooooo many times, but he won't <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"> and he's taking it all out on me.

I'm trying not to hurt his feelings, but a few wks ago he told me that he missed me and still loved me (after 3 years of us breaking up!!!). I don't want to hurt him, but i don't want to get bak with him (otherwise i wudn't have broken up with him in the 1st place!) i want to be friends, but i think he expects too much and everythings crazy!

I want to be there 4 him, but i don't think i can put up with it anymore. You'll probably all think i'm a bitch 4 not supporting this guy, but i really am trying <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.

Former Member · February 2001

im not exactly sure what to say, try and think about how you felt when you were in that situation, because you can relate to him. also, what helped you to get out of it?

does he have many other mates?

Former Member · February 2001

well, i'm not exactly out of it, but i'm a lot better, i think bcoz i started this herbal AD stuff. Just a pick me up, but im definitely not all better but hopefully gettin there...

He dus have other m8's i even said 2 1 of them, please just look out 4 him, be there if he wants to talk blah blah blah. But i think when u get so depressed like i did and like he is now, u think that even ur friends aren't ur friends. And that really sux. I think iv tried everyfink, without success <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">

If the sky that we look upon
should tumble and fall
or the mountains should crumble in the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry,
No, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand
Stand by me

Former Member · March 2001

This is one of the tragic things about depression..it hurts the patient as well as everyone in his/her life. I've driven away most people in my life because of my behaviour. Friendships tend to last only a year or two for me. This used to make me so angry. I was sick and people just left me without understanding that I couldn't help it.

It was only in my early 20's when I realized that even though my behaviour is sometimes not within my control, it doesn't change the fact that I was demanding, cruel, irritating and hurtful to people who loved me. Nobody should have to deal with that, no matter what the cause.

Yes, your friend is ill, and I doubt he wants to hurt you on purpose, but you can't cure him. And if his behaviour hurts you and is affecting your life, you have every right to cut ties.

I hate losing people for good, but that is part of the deal. How does this idea sound...could you sit down and explain that although you love him very much, you are feeling pressured and hurt by him. Be kind, and point out that you know he can't help it, but be firm that you must take care of yourself first, and you simply can not help him get better, as much as you'd like to. Tell him this isn't forever, just until he's better.

Be kind, be firm, and take care of yourself first- after all, you can't support him when you are falling apart.

I'll say it again...depression hurts so many, including those that will never go through it.

Does this help, Drifter?

Former Member · March 2001

thanks burnout girl that was really useful <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

i know exactly how this guy feels because i felt the same way 2, and basically ur trying so hard to hang on to ur friends, and u want them so much that u r puttin so much pressure on them and grrrr i can't put my feelings into words again!!! (i guess depression is a subject that is really hard for me to express) <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">

but anyway, i kinda sorted things out with him, i did what u sed, i basically just talked to him, and sorted it out. He didn't really realise what he was doing. And when i was really badly depressed, i didn't really know what i was doing either, and i am soooo grateful to those people who stuck by me. Even though some of them may not be with me now <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"> i still have the greatest respect and gratitude to them.

Depression is a funny thing aint it? Thanks for the replies <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

If the sky that we look upon
should tumble and fall
or the mountains should crumble in the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry,
No, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand
Stand by me

my depressed friend is taking it out on me

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