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Sigh... I'm a fucking idiot
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So I have to get this off my chest and I need advice because I feel so let down, so lonely, so shitty after it. Yet again, I've been nice and royally fucked over... Just when I'd learned to trust people again (if anybody remembers, I was fucked around by people before uni).
Basically the story starts last year when I was asked to go to Nepal, the majority of the money for the fights was raised, but because I was asked late then I was told that if I could find the money for my flight, I could go. I'm lucky because I have a few grand savings that was left to me by a relative who passed away and whch I am using when I'm desperate to help me through uni...
I gave X the money upfront (Over £500), who was going to buy the ticket of Y's mother's credit card to get my flight.... And so we went to Nepal and things went shit for X. I always stuck up for him but in reptrospect I was just being nice, I never realised what a two faced glory-seeking sad little man he really is.
Around a week or so after I returned he phoned me almost in tears, saying he's been a bastard and needs the same amount of money for the ticket again because Y needs it back on their credit card as they have to go abroad to see family. X claimed to have given his family the money I originally gave him because they were really hard up or something... He didn't explain. So I gave it to him and he said he'd pay it back.
So... My flight was supposed to come out of the money the charity would raise next and the second half of the money will come from him.
Needless to say he hasn't even set uo a charity meeting yet, he hasn't bothered and got angry at me for trying to set one up saying he wants it done his way (n.b. wait until the end of the the story if you think I wanted to get the charity back on its feet for selfish reasons, I didn't realise his family's real status), but I really wanted to get more people to Nepal to experience what I had done. Since August he hasn't bothered with anything and has lied to me several times, promised me this and that... Basically let me down on A LOT of things (including an event I set up he was supposed to help with).
So... I was very upset and told one of the only people I trust my problem and found out X's family are off to Mexico this year.
Isn't Mexico a really expensive holiday?
So I confronted X, who hadn't really given me any info and told me his Dad was on the dole and they were keeping his wages as a lump sum payment so they could start a business. So he embezzled MY money for his family and didn't tell them it was from me. :mad:
He says they aren't going abroad until later this year and haven't got to pay for a long time so I should mind my own fucking business.
He's also appologised and said he did take advantage of me, he says he's trying to earn more money for me, looking for a second job, has opened a new bank account to put the money in (which I don't believe is possible). But now somebody else is after him for £200 his owes from a band night.
Basically I've been screwed over by somebody who thought was my best mate and I don't know what to do. My savings aren't lasting as long as I thought and I really want that money backso I don't have to work a year or two in a shit factory job to be able to afford a Masters.
I'm just royally pissed off... I feel so unhappy about it. I can't talk to people because he made me promise not to tell anyone. I feel really lonely. :crying: Even other people have said I seem down. I can't even tell my Mum because I am so ashamed of being an idiot.
I know I probably deserved what has happened to me, I shouldn't have started to trust people again.
Basically the story starts last year when I was asked to go to Nepal, the majority of the money for the fights was raised, but because I was asked late then I was told that if I could find the money for my flight, I could go. I'm lucky because I have a few grand savings that was left to me by a relative who passed away and whch I am using when I'm desperate to help me through uni...
I gave X the money upfront (Over £500), who was going to buy the ticket of Y's mother's credit card to get my flight.... And so we went to Nepal and things went shit for X. I always stuck up for him but in reptrospect I was just being nice, I never realised what a two faced glory-seeking sad little man he really is.
Around a week or so after I returned he phoned me almost in tears, saying he's been a bastard and needs the same amount of money for the ticket again because Y needs it back on their credit card as they have to go abroad to see family. X claimed to have given his family the money I originally gave him because they were really hard up or something... He didn't explain. So I gave it to him and he said he'd pay it back.
So... My flight was supposed to come out of the money the charity would raise next and the second half of the money will come from him.
Needless to say he hasn't even set uo a charity meeting yet, he hasn't bothered and got angry at me for trying to set one up saying he wants it done his way (n.b. wait until the end of the the story if you think I wanted to get the charity back on its feet for selfish reasons, I didn't realise his family's real status), but I really wanted to get more people to Nepal to experience what I had done. Since August he hasn't bothered with anything and has lied to me several times, promised me this and that... Basically let me down on A LOT of things (including an event I set up he was supposed to help with).
So... I was very upset and told one of the only people I trust my problem and found out X's family are off to Mexico this year.
Isn't Mexico a really expensive holiday?
So I confronted X, who hadn't really given me any info and told me his Dad was on the dole and they were keeping his wages as a lump sum payment so they could start a business. So he embezzled MY money for his family and didn't tell them it was from me. :mad:
He says they aren't going abroad until later this year and haven't got to pay for a long time so I should mind my own fucking business.
He's also appologised and said he did take advantage of me, he says he's trying to earn more money for me, looking for a second job, has opened a new bank account to put the money in (which I don't believe is possible). But now somebody else is after him for £200 his owes from a band night.
Basically I've been screwed over by somebody who thought was my best mate and I don't know what to do. My savings aren't lasting as long as I thought and I really want that money backso I don't have to work a year or two in a shit factory job to be able to afford a Masters.
I'm just royally pissed off... I feel so unhappy about it. I can't talk to people because he made me promise not to tell anyone. I feel really lonely. :crying: Even other people have said I seem down. I can't even tell my Mum because I am so ashamed of being an idiot.
I know I probably deserved what has happened to me, I shouldn't have started to trust people again.
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Comments
also.. it is possible to open another bank account.
Anyway I agree, you shouldnt be ashamed. It was not your fault this happened and you shouldnt let his actions or the others who hurt you effect your life in some a deterimental way. I am sure your mom has enough experience with life to know that things like that happen and that some people we trust might go wierd on us. One day you'll find some great friends though for life
And you aren't an idiot MoonRat, you only have a generous heart.
Firstly, don't be so hard on yourself: how were you supposed to know that he was going to be such a tosser?
I'm sure you'll get your money back in the end, but I just wanted to point out about the masters, although funding is tricky (unless you want to go onto a PhD and can apply for a ESRC 1+3 grant), you could get a Career Development Loan, which covers 80% of course fees plus some money for living expenses if it's full time. OR going part time with Birkbeck is another option...you'll do it somehow
As other's have said - much as you may feel like an idiot now, you're not, and hindsight always seems 20/20 - you've been exploited and treated badly, by someone who is continuing to make excuses and lie. Everyone can be taken in - and I'd imagine your friends and family will be supportive, not judgemental.
Obviously lending friends money means you may not have a lot of options in trying to recover it - but it's the kind of question askTheSite can answer without you needing to worry about anyone else ever hearing about the situation. I can't promise it'll be good news, but it will answer any legal questions you might have.
Given how serious this situation is, have you consider, with hopefully some support from others, contacting his family directly. You may find that he's been as explotative with others, and them, as well as you.
If he is saying he wants to pay the money back, then consider drawing up a full document to outline what he is promising detailing -
*start date of repayments
* amount to be repaid
* any interest
* total cost
and get him, you, and at least one witness to sign it.
But, fundamentally, I'd imagine the betrayal is one of the worst things you're facing here. So do talk to friends about it - and if you can't mention the amount of money involved for feeling silly, then why not consider just saying 'some money' without having to disclose how much. That way you can hopefully get some of the support for the way being treated like this has made you feel.
I know it can be hard to ask for support, especially if it feels you've been treated badly all over again, but it can help you, and this isn't something you should ever feel you need to keep private - enless you really want to.
And yeah, the biggest hurt is the betrayal.
What's Birkbeck?
Best of luck really, I know people who you think are your friends can be awkward with cash but he's exploited you in the name of charity. I'm not sure if it's just an excuse really that his family were hard up... imagine if you had gone on a night out and spent someones cash - you'd probably be too embarresed to tell them the truth. From having a history of having an emotionally manipulative person close by in my life, it does make you feel like an idiot and also, that you're in the wrong somehow (sometimes). Just remember it's your money and he's done something with it, you have a right to know what.
Best of luck, I really feel for you
Richard xx
Yeah, I need a night out... Preferrably with people who won't let me down, say they're going and not turn up ect.