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Social phobia?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, i just realised from another thread how much i am lacking in confidence.
I know it sounds weird but i am afraid to be in social situations. Some people can just start up conversations with strangers, but i feel physically sick @ the thought of having to talk to someone i don't know.
I am really shy and i don't like to go places on my own, its like i need someone to be there to protect me. (someone i can hide behind)
I don't know why im like this, but its really started to upset me. I feel like i can't have fun unless im with people that i know really well, and i can never make new friends.
I said somewhere before that i can't talk infront of my class at school. And only y'day i was having a discussion with my teacher after the lesson and i just couldn't handle it. I went all red and hot and couldn't get the words out.
I feel like such a tit, i really wish i wasn't so shy, i just want to be able to talk to people like anyone normal, but i can't <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">
Any advice?
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
I know it sounds weird but i am afraid to be in social situations. Some people can just start up conversations with strangers, but i feel physically sick @ the thought of having to talk to someone i don't know.
I am really shy and i don't like to go places on my own, its like i need someone to be there to protect me. (someone i can hide behind)
I don't know why im like this, but its really started to upset me. I feel like i can't have fun unless im with people that i know really well, and i can never make new friends.
I said somewhere before that i can't talk infront of my class at school. And only y'day i was having a discussion with my teacher after the lesson and i just couldn't handle it. I went all red and hot and couldn't get the words out.
I feel like such a tit, i really wish i wasn't so shy, i just want to be able to talk to people like anyone normal, but i can't <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">
Any advice?
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
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Comments
is apparently quite good...i had a look and seemed to know what it was on about.
I think confidence is somethign that you can gain with practice as well...it just takes a lot to pluck up the courage to go and do something. Start by responding to the cashiers or summin...when they say "have a nice day" say "thank you, you too" or summin like that...it's a start at least...practice conversation skills...how to get to know people, the sort of questions to ask.
Hope it all goes well for you drifter,
DM
I've not lost my mind it's inserted elsewhere - hence the limp.
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j9
lol...that's ur answer to everything!!
I've not lost my mind it's inserted elsewhere - hence the limp.
have u ever had it dun? was it good? did it work?
i don't see how people can change ur mind.
even if they could is it ethically right?!?
oh man so many questions - something i might have to look into.
Thanks turtle - i have looked @ that site. I'm actually working my way thru the step by step course but honestly havent bin finding it that helpful.
I watched 1 of the BBC progrmmes last nite - it was good bout these people who went on this course. Think i might need to go on one of them.
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
I think at the moment, it is a problem but it is not affecting the way you live too much - you can still stay reasonably sheltered n all...
but as you get older, you HAVE to be able to meet people easily, be friendly towards strangers...like i said, good luck with it girl {{{drifter}}}}
I've not lost my mind it's inserted elsewhere - hence the limp.
thats what i thought!! hehe
If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.
Not true Turtle, don't forget tea-tree & lavender <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
j9
I had a life once, but I stopped feeding it so one day it just walked away.
MTS ^5
Yes
I used to run a practice <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
Although it can be done (with consent & alot of work) it wouldn't be the aim for u, confidence building would be good for u & is the easiest thing to do with hypnotherapy
Why shouldn't it be? It is important to find a good practitioner though, who, in my opinion, isn't self-taught
I hope u do, I'm sure it would be good for you <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
take care
j9
I had a life once, but I stopped feeding it so one day it just walked away.
MTS ^5 <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif">
[This message has been edited by j9 (edited 02-02-2001).]
I have to dissagree for the first time ever J9, sorry. I think hypnotherapy has positive effects for treating things like stop smoking and other minor problems like that, but feel for something more seriously linked to the psyche needs a less reprogramming method.
Confidence building needs to be done in a group I have had a look at the stuff they do online at the BBC to go alongside their Confidence Lab programmes but have to say it's no way to work on such issues for the simple fact you don't have someone professional to turn to when something goes awry, nor do you have the support of a group who's in exactly the same position as you.
I have, as mentioned in drifters post in Anything goes already stated that I myself have been in a confidence building course and can now see the benefits I found hard to at the time of doing it. Building confidence is entirely what it says it is, building. This is because of the fact it has ultimately been chipped away by circumstance, ie a fear of lfying is understandable if you have been in a plane crash. Confidence is generally as a result of a fear of failling or falling short of a target which has generally been because of the perfectionist attitude created by Western society.
The only effective way for treating a serious confidence problem is as with all conditions make you GP the first point of call, he'll refer you probably to a psychiatrist who will help work with the issues that have brought you to a state of utter isolation from society and ultimately yourself, the psychiatrist will then refer you onto a group for building confidence and / assertiveness and possibly even self awareness as these 3 things are very tightly knitted intogether.
I believe it is important to do something like this in a proper group situation as it will work with dealing with the social phobia side of the problems (because you are doing it with other people, so a bit of aversion therapy) and you can have the support network provided by the leader / therapist and that of the other group members who will also be able to relate to you, and will inevitable end up talking to you after the group about what happened.
I remember one session we went to whilst I was in hospital involved the group talking to each other in pairs and moving around the group. When I say talking it was more about giving complements from the point of view of the observer, in explaining this to the group the therapist picked on me cuz he knew me from other groups he lead and said I think you Luka would be a great dad you are a compasionate and loving person, I also see you as an articulate person... and so on, we did this through the group. During this group there was a well known person who used to be in the newspapers all the time. And she was really sweet to me, as were the rest of the group.
Once we'd been through the whole group we had a piece of paper stuck on our backs and had to write a compliment about the wearer of the paper or write them a gift we could give (like the confidence with men/women). The effect this had on the person when they read it was profound. I remember the reaction and feeling I had when I worked out what this famous person had written on my back, it said " you are such a warm loving person that everyone loves, you are ateddy bear that everyone wants to cuddle" I was high for days after. I remember another lady was so chuffed by my comment of " you are so Articulate (not like a lorry) with a lovely sense of humour", she was still laughing about that for hours after the session. It really built confidence in each other and more importantly in ourselves.
Drifter when I have sorted through my notes I'll send you some stuff that I think may be regarded as essential, but it won't be as good as getting into a group, try to speak to your GP. If there's any more I can do just ask here, call me on yahoo or e-mail me.
Take care
Luk
The river is wide and oh so deep. I've been walking around in tears, No answers arethere to get. Cause between this world and eternity there is a face I hope to see
I have seen the amazing difference that hypnosis can have on the confidence, one of the things you do in every session of hypnosis is a basic anxiety block & confidence boost.
However, hypnosis is not for everyone. There are groups of people for whom hypnosis would not be a viable option. Children, under the age of 7 cannot be hypnotised; their attention span is too short. People on psychotropic (?sp) drugs or alcoholics can't be hypnotised because they are already in an altered mental state. People who have had electro convulsive treatment can't be hypnotised either, because, apparently the conscious/subconscious neural pathways have been affected.
But, it is a useful tool for alot of people. It speeds up the process my opening the sub-conscious mind to suggestion. For instance, the esteem building can be done in the same way, only much much faster.
Phobias can be sorted with hypnosis too, I have 1st hand experience of this.
I had a lady who had a driving phobia. Not of driving herself, but of being a passenger. There were two ways which I could have treated the phobia - either by working with the effects & allowing her to cope with the feelings & being relaxed as a passenger, or by finding and treating the cause of the phobia. I felt it was more appropriate to deal with the latter and through a combination of hypnosis and non-evaluative analysis we discovered the two incidents, which created & re-enforced the fear.
Had I worked of the effects, all I would have done was to teach her subconscious mind to cope with the panic.
Had the lady just had therapy, it might have taken months to sort out, but with hypnosis it was done in 7 sessions of 20 minutes & 2 sessions of 1 hour. I will never forget the look on her face when she arrived for her 10th session & told me that she had just had her first enjoyable car ride for many years. Her face was lit up & she was a different person to the one who had first visited me 10 weeks before.
I don't run a hypnosis practice now, for a few reasons, two of which were that I felt uncomfortable earning a living from other people's misfortune & that I took on the problems of my clients and it started to affect me.
But, if a friend came to me now to help with smoking, weight loss, confidence or a phobia, I would gladly help them, using hypnosis if it was relevant.
I also believe that hypnosis would probably not be the solution for you Luka, but I would never rule it out. With hypnosis, you have to want it to work & you have to allow yourself to be guided into the hypnotic state. Just one more point, all hypnosis is self-hypnosis.
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j9
I had a life once, but I stopped feeding it so one day it just walked away.
MTS ^5
i am starting with my new councellor on monday so i will talk to her bout it, and hopefully get something sorted out. Fingers crossed.
The idea of hypnotherepy still freaks me out - givin ur mind over to someone u don't know- its kinda freaky, and i know paul mckennas nuffink 2 go by - but iv heard sum nasty stuff. lol. i'm sure u were gr8 @ it tho j9, and if someone was reccommened then i wud definitely look into it. Do u know ne good ones?
Luka, ur course sounds really gr8 like wot i need. Do u av a phone number or address or sumfink? I would love to see ur notes. What is ur yahoo name? i will add u to my friends list, i have everyone else, but somehow i missed u <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
I was watchin the programme and it looked so great all the stuff they were doin and i thought wow i gotta b doin this stuf. Maybe it wud help jus bein wiv ppl u know?
Neway, thanks again.
{{{{{{every1}}}}}}}
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
my yahoo is riverwide4476 and my e-mail is AJRDUFFELL@riverwide.org.uk
Luk
The river is wide and oh so deep. I've been walking around in tears, No answers arethere to get. Cause between this world and eternity there is a face I hope to see