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So I went on a date last night...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
...And I suppose she was a nice girl. Infact, she was very engaging and very outgoing. But I didn't feel any attraction at all really. This bothers me. I've touched on this subject before in this forum, but I'm still at a bit of a loss understanding myself and understanding whether this is quite normal, and am curious to hear about other peoples experiences.
I've been on dates with quite a few girls in the last two years, but I can only recall two where there was any kind of spark and I wish it had lasted and we'd made a relationship out of it. This rest, I've just not been interested in and I've tried my best to gently let them down. The girl last night will probably be the latest one. So what is it with me? Sometimes I think I have issues, sometimes I think I'm looking for perfection which isn't there, but I just don't really know what it is. What I do know is that I can't forced myself to be attracted to someone. Have some of you guys dated ten different people before you've found someone you're actually interested in being with? Or is it just me? What really worries me, is that while I'm dismissing all these girls I might be dismissing any chance of ever finding what I'm looking for. Time's ticking by and sometimes I'm afraid that I'll never meet the right person and make it work, or I'm afraid I might have already met the right person but let her go. Thoughts? Anyone feel the same?
I've been on dates with quite a few girls in the last two years, but I can only recall two where there was any kind of spark and I wish it had lasted and we'd made a relationship out of it. This rest, I've just not been interested in and I've tried my best to gently let them down. The girl last night will probably be the latest one. So what is it with me? Sometimes I think I have issues, sometimes I think I'm looking for perfection which isn't there, but I just don't really know what it is. What I do know is that I can't forced myself to be attracted to someone. Have some of you guys dated ten different people before you've found someone you're actually interested in being with? Or is it just me? What really worries me, is that while I'm dismissing all these girls I might be dismissing any chance of ever finding what I'm looking for. Time's ticking by and sometimes I'm afraid that I'll never meet the right person and make it work, or I'm afraid I might have already met the right person but let her go. Thoughts? Anyone feel the same?
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Comments
Not when you're actively searching for one ...
I guess you've been nothing more than unfortunate. You can't force a spark which isn't there. All I can say is go with your feeling. I guess it's a good thing though, in that aspect. I either get very elated if it works out or very depressed if not. I'm better at focusing when I'm devoid of any emotional distraction, really.
There isn't really much else to it. Not liking anyone is often a defence mechanism against rejection and hurt, but that doesn't mean that's the case this time.
not everyone feels a "spark" right away, for some people, it can take time....why not go out with them more than once before you decide?
over the last few months ive met numerous guys - several of which ive gone on dates with and are reeally nice blokes - yet.. im always left with cold feet..
generally ill get on with someone really well and we'll have loooads in common, but i never usually follow up with it, even if the bloke in question wants to because i just dont ' like him like that'
i really think im too picky. but i cant help it!!
sooo yeah.. i know how youre feeling!! annoying int it?! cant wait until i eventually meet someone thats 'right'. cant see that happening in the near future tho
This is the fear though. What if I never do meet anyone who's right? What if I already met the right person but I refused a second date because she had an annoying laugh or because she talked about Coronation Street all night?! Everytime I say to myself "Yeah the next one I meet will be the right one" but as i've said that the last god knows how many times, it seems unlikely!
Thanks for everyone's input anyway. Kermit, I had already thought about your theory as maybe being my problem. I have been hurt in the past and had bad experiences etc, but as I said, there have been a couple of girls who I would have given anything for (Just didn't happen to work out these times), so that kinda messes up the idea that I'm not ready to be with anyone. I don't know. Maybe I really haven't met the right person yet.
It's funny - I have a mate who would say "Make sure you sleep with them before you let them go"! but i'm not even into that. Just can't be bothered with the situation it might cause and I don't wanna hurt anyone...
It's because i'm saving myself for you...
Thats like being the opposite of fussy
When you start seeing someone you start to notice things you may not have done before, like their long eyelashes or soft skin. It takes time to notice and have feelings build up.
I think if you get on with a person, have a laugh with them and do not find them unattractive, you have to give it a go at least.
I've been out with guys I didn't find gorgeous at first but once I spent time with them I saw another side of them and started to find them really attractive.
Lol, you said it - not anyone else...!
Thanks. Yeah maybe I will go out with her again. I don't know. I have to think about it...
Obviously you mightn't be the same way as I am - and might even enjoy the whole one-on-one time at the start - but I find it a lot of pressure to decide whether you like them, whether it's going anywhere, whether you're going to kiss them, whether you're going to see them again. I think it's very understandable for all that to put people off the other person, or make them a bit skittish and scared as you feel like you have to make this big decision about whether or not to see them again and once you have you start to feel like you have to see them again and again and if you decide you don't like them you're becoming more and more at risk of hurting them. If that makes sense. It's a very loaded situation, and I think it's very difficult to feel those natural, growing feelings of attraction when you're actually out with someone and that is the intention of the whole she-bang.
There is also the distinct possibility - as mentioned before - that you're just not ready, or alternatively just that none of these ladies have been the one to float your boat. That's not terribly weird or anything like that, some people are just a lot pickier than others. You've got all the time in the world to find someone really special... there's no harm in dating, seeing if something develops from spending time together, as long as you both know the craic
Yeah this is it. And yeah there is that risk - but it's something everyone has to deal with now and again. You gotta be in it to win it...! :thumb: