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High Standards, Best Friend
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
Since I've been single, I've not had much happening on the men side of things, not necessarily through lack of trying. A couple of my friends suggested that it might be because my standards are too high. Is it possible to have too high standards? I don't think theres anything wrong with me wanting someone I find rather attractive physically and emotionally/mental, but apparently there is. Its not like I constantly bemoan my lack of menfolk, only the occasional mention when we all have a whinge about things together. I get the impression that they think I should lower my physical standards, mainly because I'm not exactly on most peoples hot desirable list, so they shouldn't be on mine. I don't really see why I should, but maybe I'm just being idealistic. Am I being idealistic? I don't know.
Im also having a bit of a mind issue regarding my best friend. People that I don't know very well, as in have met once or twice on nights out, have said that shes bad for me from what they have seen, and that I should be more careful in terms of my friendships as she doesn't do anything for my confidence in myself etc. I know it sounds silly that Im even considering what almost complete strangers have said, but its the fact that its been said by more than one person on more than one night out, and people that dont even know each other. It just seems to be a recurring theme as of late, and I'm a little concerned about it. Should I even be taking it seriously?
Thanks chaps.
Im also having a bit of a mind issue regarding my best friend. People that I don't know very well, as in have met once or twice on nights out, have said that shes bad for me from what they have seen, and that I should be more careful in terms of my friendships as she doesn't do anything for my confidence in myself etc. I know it sounds silly that Im even considering what almost complete strangers have said, but its the fact that its been said by more than one person on more than one night out, and people that dont even know each other. It just seems to be a recurring theme as of late, and I'm a little concerned about it. Should I even be taking it seriously?
Thanks chaps.
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on the other thing if you dont like someone dont go out with them just because your friends think you should, you should wait and find someone who you really like physically, mentally someone you actually get on with i dont think theres anything wrong with having standards
Don't lower your standards. If you know what you want, why should anyone else have a say in it?
Thing 2:
Having been in a friendship that left me with 0 confidence (amongst other things, but my "best friend" was a major factor), I would say try stepping back and looking at it from the outside. What to me was her asking stuff of me as a friend was actually her walking all over me, because she knew I'd never say no. Consider your friendship from the point of view of people looking in at it, and why they would think it. I'm not saying they're right, I'm just saying that maybe you should try and see why they're saying what they're saying.
As for the second, there are many ways someone could be "bad for you" and you don't say in what way they meant it.
Maybe you're just in a dry season...
In terms of guys and standards, I should probably clarify that Im not necessarily talking about meeting a guy for a lasting relationship, just fun or even just pulling. I just didn't want to sound shallow so early on in the thread
As for men. Aim as high as possible, if anything I'd say raise your standards
Of course being too picky is a problem whether you're out for a relationship or fun or whatever. But if you have your general standards that you can apply to a lot of men [or women] like a steady job, confident, funny, honest, packing 10 inches [DDs] then you can't really go wrong. A lot of people seem to think that knowing what you want and seeking it out smacks of some kind of arrogance, but I think it's just common sense. I definitely think it's important to know what you will and won't accept and to not settle for second best, however, I don't think it's a good idea to have a set list of criteria that a guy has to meet in order for you to consider him e.g. he has to be 6ft or taller, he has to be blonde, he has to earn over a certain sum of money etc. That is what I would call "picky" and the point at which it stops becoming just your standards and something more akin to 'head in the clouds' mentality. It's good to be open-minded about who you might be compatible with in a relationship or with whom you could see yourself having a good old time.
I don't know if this is you at all from what you've posted, but I definitely think some people (men and women) DO deliberately set their standards stupidly high simply as a protection mechanism because they are scared of getting hurt and so don't want to let anyone get close. I guess you have to get the balance between relaxing your checklist and opening the floodgates to all the losers of the single scene... and having such unrealistic aims that you never give any interested (or interesting!) bloke a chance.
People try to tell me that i'm waiting for a dream, that the "perfect partner" doesn't exist. Well i never said that i believed that in the first place
Sometimes people do more harm than good when trying to push people into finding someone, or setting them up with someone. One of my friends won't speak to me that easily in public as people spent months taking the piss and trying to shove us together even when i had to say it isnt what i want. Also i think if you're halfheartedly dating people when really u know you don't really want to be them it's just leading them on. Although this is merely my opinion.
So i agree with Briggi, keep them standards where the hell you want them
Personally, and I know this might sound a bit stuck up, I don't think I could be with someone considerably less intelligent than me, but I don't want him to resent my intellect, or for me to get bored of him, or get annoyed with him not being able to keep up.
I'd rather be single for 5 years than to sleep/be with someone who I had lukewarm feelings for, just for the sake of being attached, or to please other people.
Your standards are what they are, and you should be the judge of that.
:yes: know how you feel, the last girl i dated was quite good looking and a lovely person, but just a bit too dizzy and it drove me mad....i suppose her accent didn't help either, does that make me a stuck up snob? lol so be it.
(Oh, and you're not the only snob, don't worry!