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What`s the point?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Figured i`d put this on the health board as its not really suitable anywhere else.
This`ll probly bore the hell outta the lot of ya but here`s the full story.
8 years ago: My grandad and uncle died in unrelated circumstances (grandad-old age uncle-lung cancer)
My six week old nephew (son of the sister we`ll call A) was beaten half to death by his father and nearly killed.
While the bastard was in prison (for all of 3 months!) my other sister (we`ll call her B) started writing to him and they started going out together as soon as he was released.
This caused a huge rift between Sister A and my parents (who still supported B despite what she was doing) and A moved to Portsmouth.
Shortly before this however, she accused A`s then-boyfriend of trying to rape her, making the rift even larger.
Three times, B has fell pregnant by the bastard and three times she has given up the children for adoption because he is still dangerous and she can`t keep them while she is still going out with him. She has repeatedly lied to us (telling us she`d stopped seeing him when she was infact secretly meeting with him) and we even let her stay in our house with Baby number 2 for 6 months while she was seeing him when she wasn`t supposed to, even though we all suffered because we couldn`t get any sleep (this child was worse than u could possibly believe, never stopped crying)
The third child was just recently adopted, I refused to see it as I knew what would happent to it.
While this has been happening, I was constantly bullied every day for my entire time at both junior and secondary schools. Not a day went by when someone didn`t say or do something.
I ran away several times and even started self-harming the last year or so of secondary.
Recently I started liking a girl at work (bout 4 months ago actually) and just as I was finding the guts to ask her out (took a while, I know) I found out that she has a boyfriend and have seen her a number of times with him, each time lookingly disgustinly happy. I`ve never felt about any1 else the same way I feel about her (I might even go so far as to say I love her).
I was going to ask her to my 18th on saturday anyway, just to get rid of any doubt in my mind that there was no chance.
But this is now impossible as the few people I actually considered friends have all cancelled so there is no 18th to ask her to.
Also, I don`t seem to get any respect at work and even the newer staff get treated like more of an adult than me (I`ve just turned 18 as I type this) and I`m sick of being treated like a kid, which just infuriates me even more.
Basically, I`m feeling really depressed here cos I`ve missed my chance with the girl I 'love' (still not sure if thats the right word) but I also feel like I have no friends and the future is indeed looking very bleak.
I see people looking happy with their girlfriends or friends and it both pisses me off and depresses me at the same time.
I`ve recently taken up smoking again (after giving up twice before) and at my lowest point I can go through 4 or 5 in a row.
I`ve also started drinking more at home (not getting drunk, but just enough to help me forget my troubles) and I`m actually starting to get a bit worried about the direction I`m heading like this.
I also took several online tests and according to those I`m in deep depression, I know they`re not a reliable method of diagnosis but it still doesn`t sound good.
There are a few more things but I won`t go into them.
So what does every1 think? I could do with some opinions and recommendations to get my life back on track.

"Honesty is just an excuse for lack of imagination."

[This message has been edited by Talyn (edited 28-09-2001).]

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Although I presume you're a bloke, I'd just like to say ((((Talyn))))... Happy birthday (?), and I'm sorry that you've been having a tough time of things.

    I don't really know whether I'm a good person to reply to this, but if you've read my post a few threads down, you'll see that 'What's the point?' is a question I have often asked myself, too, and I definitely recognise some of the things you've said in myself.

    I really don't know what to say about your family or about work, and I'm sure someone else will have better advice for you regarding that, but about the depression/self-harming etc. - it's probably for the best if you make an appointment at the doctor, who'll be able to give you something to help should you need it. I got an 83 when I took one of those tests a few hours ago (which is only 7 marks off the highest you can get) and I now realise that that's not good at all, and am doing something about it.
    Sorry I can't say anything you might find more helpful about it, but I guess in the end the Doctor is probably the quickest and easiest way to help yourself...

    As for the girl problems; god have I been there.
    Let me tell you a story... I have had a massive crush on a girl for going on 6 (yes, six) years now - The same girl as I mentioned in my post, in fact. Towards the end of those 6 years we became very close friends, and the crush turned into love on my part... Unfortunately I didn't have the courage to ask her out in the 6 years that I knew her: she had boyfriends for a lot of that time, and in the few months when she didn't I always put it off thinking "Why would she want to go out with me?" or something. Looking back now I think there were definite signs that she was interested, but since I didn't ask, I didn't get.
    Then, when I became closer friends with her and started hanging out with her and her friends on a regular basis, she appeared to be very much in love with someone else (she still is with him, from what I can gather). I cannot tell you how much it hurt to see her kissing him, holding his hand etc etc - it hurts to think about it even now.
    I would sometimes see hints from her that she was still interested in me, but I'm awful at reading "the signs", figured that she was just happy being good friends, and I figured she was happy with her boyfriend.
    And then her boyfriend started checking her email, got the wrong idea about the two of us and stopped her from having anything to do with me outside of college. Now, thanks to other circumstances, I can't see her at all...

    Let me tell you, if I had just 5 minutes to talk to her now I would tell her everything. I wouldn't care whether she rejected me, whether she laughed - I've bottled up my feelings for her for sooooo long, and it's really not healthy in the long run.
    So, I would implore you to lose your inhibitions, take your chance now and tell her your feelings, because otherwise you will never know whether you stand a chance (and you might end up a horribly bitter person like me if you don't, hehe <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; )

    Anyway, sorry for going on a bit, and I'm sorry for what I'm sure is useless advice... but should you want to talk, then you can add '@hotmail.com' onto the end of my username and I would love to talk to you.
    Take care of yourself.

    [This message has been edited by xyz913 (edited 28-09-2001).]
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