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Sex drive
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Been reading the rabbit thread and its making me wonder about my own sex drive. I know I've been having major problems recently, I reckon I can't have masturbated more than about 4 times this year. Me and my boyfriend don't have sex much (my fault not his) even though I love him so much I just can't seem to be able to make my body want it. Do I have a problem? If so what can I do about it?
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Its a stress thing I would say.
I don't come by to use it anyway.
I still am willing to bet its a mind thing, good luck.
people go off sex all the time, i dont see it as a big deal, maybe thats just me though
i`m the same, i can go months without sex and it doesnt bother me, then i`ll be gagging one day, and then go weeks again....
to the OP, is it getting you down? or are you quite happy not to have sex? is it your other half you're worried about?
how long have you been like this for? could it be just a phase? do you have body issues?
101 questions, sorry
overboard or a big deal?
hello btw :wave:
low sex drives are fine, if thats ok with both people in the relationship.
Low levels of testosterone, depression, certain antidepressants and other medication, trauma, stress, all sorts of things can make libido take a bit of a battering as well as it just meaning you might not fancy your guy any more.
do you have sexual thoughts or feelings at all, or is it just with your man?
i just think telling her to get blood tests without knowing the full story is a bit extreme and may cause her to worry more which may have a counteractive effect on her self esteem and in turn her sex drive
i`m just trying to reassure her, that low sex drives are more common than people think and unless it's a HUGE problem in her relationship (which she didnt indicate) that she shouldn't worry herself too much
i'm really just trying to get more info before advising blood tests and such like
This indicates to me that the problem Kangoo is having isnt a stage.
so on average, she's going about 3 months without sexual desires (or at least without acting on them...) also she doesnt say they NEVER have sex, just that they dont do it often...so in reality with sex AND masturbation, she could be doin it 2-3 times a month, we just dont know....
thats why i'm asking a few more questions before trying to advise her
i`m not having a go at ya HIT, i'm just sayin we kinda need more details...
Kangoo, there could be a number of reasons why you feel you have a low sex drive, and it's worth bearing in mind that if your GP isn't really being helpful, there are other sources of help. You may find this Q&A from askTheSite useful No Sex, No fun. It's written from the point of view of a guy who's girlfriend has a low sex drive, but you may find the answer offers some insight into your situation.
You might also want to look into speaking to someone who specialises in sexual health advice for 16-24 year olds through services such as Brook or Sexwise
Take care
I think the reason my sex drive is low is because of the medication I'm on, the contraceptive pill and/or the antidepressant medication. I am in the process off coming off both in the hope that it will help.
I'm pretty sure that's the reason. There is no problems in the relationship and I am incredibly happy. I love being close with him and cuddling and I love being touched and stroked etc. But I hate being touched sexually, although I like touching him, although I don't always want to because I know it will lead to me being involved. It feels so wrong and sometimes it makes me want to cry, but I want to do it because I know its so hard on my boyfriend because he doesn't understand why I don't want to have sex with him. He says its ok but I feel so awful, but it feels so disgusting and wrong and I don't know why
I know I probably won't see any improvements until I'm off all the medication but I can't wait that long because its really making me upset. I'm scared that eventually my boyfriend will leave because his girlfriend won't sleep with him and that much be pretty shitty
Do you know why you want to cry at the thought of being involved sexually? I don't doubt that the drugs removed your libido but it seems, IMHO, to be more than that now. Sex seems to be a huge block that you can't get around, it seems that there's a lot of pressure on you.
Sex is easy to get out of the habit of and hard to get used to again. I don't think that your libido will magically reappear and that your issues with sex will disappear. You need to try and work out why sex is such a big issue and why you feel that you can't do it; only then can you try and work through the sexual problems.
All relationships have sexual troughs- we didn't do it for about five months after a miscarriage- but if the thought of sex is reducing you to tears then there are more problems than a loss of libido due to ADs.
All I can suggest is that you try and talk to your boyfriend about why sex is causing you so much distress, and try and work at getting your libido back and losing the fear of sex. It could well be that you don't want to have sex with him anymore, rather than any fear of sex. Do you enjoy masturbation and enjoy the fantasies of it?
If the thought of sexual contact makes you feel distressed then I think you have problems beyond a loss of libido through ADs. I don't think that there are any quick solutions to that, either. Have you ever really explained the feelings to your bf, or are you just quite vague as and when you talk about the whole thing?
I try and talk to my boyfriend but I don't want to upset him anymore than it is already
Is he your first bf, our of interest?
I presume you went on ADs because of depression- have you ever sought counselling for the depressive problems you had? Do you know what triggered the depression, and what triggered the loss of libido?
Don't answer everything, just think about the answers...when I was depressed the answers were always more obvious than I thought.