i scare people off

Former Member · January 2001

I just got off the fone wiv my ex. I had a go @ him bcoz he said that we cud still b friends after we broke up, but now he spends all his free time with this other girl, who he says her bf's got cancer and he needs to be there 4 her, but i suspect that he is fucking her, because he is like that a complete WANKER. after all her did cheat on me with someone and then lie about it for FIVE MONTHS.

neway, he said that sometimes he dusent call me bcoz he dusent want to get depressed nemore than he already is. I thought that was really out of order, and he basically called me a shitty friend, and now he hates me.

I don't know why this bothers me this much, i don't stil fancy him, i think bcoz i dont av many friends i try to hold on to the ones iv got so hard that they get suffocated if u know what i mean. i fone them all the time, txt them, and when they dont call me or text me bak, i get really upset and think that they hate me.

I think this is the reason i scared the other guy off, (the one i posted about in "unrequited love" and "why do guys never call when they say they will?!?")

Is it wrong to be so passionate about your friendships? I just want to keep my friends, i just want them to need me as much as i need them, but they obviously don't.

I texted the new guy to ask why he didn't call me, and he said he was @ his dad's and forgot his mobile. I'm not being funny, but he says this a lot. He said he wud try 2 call me tonite, but then i said, something like "you dont have 2, i jus wanted to know why u didn't call and why u never text back and if u still wanted to be mates. incase u havent already figured it out im a very paranoid person"

God i can't believe i said that to a guy that i like. That is the kind of thing that u say to a guy to repel them, (the exact opposite of what i want to do). I am such a fcuk up. Why do i fcuk up everything in my life?

I try REALLY hard not to call and text them so much, but im so insecure that its like, i need constant reassurance that they do want to be my friend, and in the end i piss them off so much that they actually DONT.

How can i get over this? Is it too late to repair the damage? I really need some help.

Former Member · January 2001

Drifter, don't worry, you're not a complete fuck up. You will start to find things easier as you get older. One thing you need to be careful of is that you can get by and be happy within yourself, not just by depending on others to cheer you up and define how you live. In other words, be yourself and be happy at being yourself. That's not to say never expect anyone to do anything for you, but you need to be comfortable with yourself and who you are without needing other people to define you. That's easier said than done I know.

If you are, you will find it easier to make friends with ppl, and you won't scare them off by making them feel they have a responsibility to cheer you up and help you in the same way. Generally you will find there are very few people who are prepared to take on the responsibility of having someone need and depend on them - because it is a big responsibility and can be difficult - only those who really love you, and you might not meet anyone like that for a few years yet.

The hard bit is learning to love yourself without having to have others love you to make you feel it, if you see what I mean. You often need help to reach that stage, so it's hard. I'll be online this evening, come and yahoo with me <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

Former Member · January 2001

Hey it sounds complicated but I hope I can help.
First thing you should do for now is FORGET about being in a relationship. For the time being I really dont think you need the hassle. If your current friends really are your friends then they will stick by you through thick and thin. You need to sit down and talk to them about what is bothering you, ask them for help. Nobody knows you better than your friends, they WILL stick by you know matter what, tell them that you dont mean to text and fone them all the time, and you will do your best to stop if they can help you through it. I know it sounds hard, but under the circumstances we at the site can only do so much to help in situations like this. You sound like a really nice person, and I hate it when things like this happen, I too used to be terribly insecure until I left school and went to college when I changed. Dont underestimate your friends, trust them to help you.
I hope it all goes well, if I think of anything else i'll post it.
Stex

Join the Army and travel the world, meet new and exciting people and kill them.

Former Member · January 2001

Originally posted by Whowhere:
First thing you should do for now is FORGET about being in a relationship. For the time being I really dont think you need the hassle.

I have realised that what i need least at the moment is a relationship.

The hard bit is learning to love yourself without having to have others love you to make you feel it, if you see what I mean. You often need help to reach that stage, so it's hard.

How can i love myself? even liking myself would be an improvement.

Any ideas?

The more sand that escapes through the hourglass of time, the clearer we should be able to see through it.

Former Member · January 2001

God im just the same but not cos im insecure i just like texting ppl and talking to them all the time cos im sooo sociable so my situation right now is driving me crazy,

i text ppl with the most stupid things and talk about things that just dont matter, i get phases tho cos one week i wont wanna talk to anyone then the next week i might speak to me best mate then after that im on the phone all day everyday for a week, and my mum thinks im crazy cos i ring her bout five times a day and just go on and on about stuff.

Dont worry ppl whos numbers ive got i wont be ringing u five times a day, lol.

Seriously tho i know what you mean i just like ppl to know that im there.

i scare people off

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