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That ugly demon
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This year it thought i'd cracked it, at last. I have a problem around Christmas time, not Christmas itself, but something that happened at Christmas.
As some of you know i was abused as a kid, and the first time it happened was on Christmas Day, 1974 to be exact, when i was 7. This year i really thought i could deal with it. Got a nice new shiny house to live in, nice new shiny boyfriend, nice new shiny kittens, you get the picture. For once in my crappy, shit riddled life things we're going ok. Sure i've got HIV and manic dep but i'm almost coping with them.
But in Sainsburys', of all places, just walking round and looking at all the excited, and whiney, kids, all those nice 'family units' looking forward to a cosy Christmas, that fuck off wanky shit headed demon decides he'll come and fuck me up for yet another Christmas. 'Hello look what got took away from you !'
I now feel like absolute crap. I really REALLY wanted this year to be special. Leigh had a shit year last year what with his ex, a guy he was dating, losing his house etc etc and i've tried so fucking fucking buggery hard to make it nice and it's all gone down the fucking drain coz of those 2 fucking shits.
*break time*
Well i've gone and had a good cry, kittens were upset and came to see me bless 'em. Thankfully Leigh's up the shops so he hasn't seen this.
I dunno what i want from this thread, chance to rant, chance to cry (must admit that's done me some good). Thanks for listening.
K x
As some of you know i was abused as a kid, and the first time it happened was on Christmas Day, 1974 to be exact, when i was 7. This year i really thought i could deal with it. Got a nice new shiny house to live in, nice new shiny boyfriend, nice new shiny kittens, you get the picture. For once in my crappy, shit riddled life things we're going ok. Sure i've got HIV and manic dep but i'm almost coping with them.
But in Sainsburys', of all places, just walking round and looking at all the excited, and whiney, kids, all those nice 'family units' looking forward to a cosy Christmas, that fuck off wanky shit headed demon decides he'll come and fuck me up for yet another Christmas. 'Hello look what got took away from you !'
I now feel like absolute crap. I really REALLY wanted this year to be special. Leigh had a shit year last year what with his ex, a guy he was dating, losing his house etc etc and i've tried so fucking fucking buggery hard to make it nice and it's all gone down the fucking drain coz of those 2 fucking shits.
*break time*
Well i've gone and had a good cry, kittens were upset and came to see me bless 'em. Thankfully Leigh's up the shops so he hasn't seen this.
I dunno what i want from this thread, chance to rant, chance to cry (must admit that's done me some good). Thanks for listening.
K x
0
Comments
So sending you huge hugs, and try and think about all the super dooper things you have in your life.
Thinking of you babes
Remember your swanky house and bf and kittens etc when you're feeling low and try and enjoy this time of year. Maybe talk to your bf, always helps to have a few extra cuddles and some TLC
*hugs* hope you feel better! I suggest eating all the xmas choccies early for some serious seretonin high.
Very important to add that it still will be. Don't let a sad moment and a bad day drag you down. You've got a lovely house and a lovely boyfriend to share christmas with and I'm sure it'll be wonderful. Christmas is actually a very hard time of year, its not all fun and games. A lot of people carry around christmas baggage, but the most important thing to remember is to cherish your loved ones and be thankful for what you've got
Have a talk to Leigh about things i'm sure that'l help especially if he understands, you won't feel so alone then and you'll have the support you need this christmas.
I'm sure all your hard work will pay off and that those little playful kittens will keep a smile on your face!
hope you feel better.
Maybe expecting to get through the whole season happy was expecting a little much. Its such a big horrible part of your past, its bound to rear its ugly head sometimes when you least need it to. Dont be so hard on yourself, Im sure Leigh would want to be there for you to help you through it, same as you would be for him if the situations were reversed. He must know this is a difficult time of year for you, and part of being in a supportive loving relationship is you dont have to just cope alone anymore.
Just think how sad you would be if you didn't have Leigh, the kittens, a nice home. You could be waking up on the streets Christmas day, instead you'll be stuffing your fat fae with Christmas delights
mwah love and hugs xxx