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How do you know what a guy wants from you???
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hi guys!
im wondering...how do you know what a guy wants from you? i.e. whether he just wants a bit of fun+messing around (just sex), or if he actually likes you enough to ask you out?
yes,this is relating to the same guy in my other thread. ive been thinking....i really like him, but how do i know he isnt just talking to me because he thinks he's gonna get some action???
im not sure if this would bother me normally....bit of fun and all that, but with this guy i want it to be more+just know il be gutted if i learn he's using me for sex!
how do you tell??
L+C
im wondering...how do you know what a guy wants from you? i.e. whether he just wants a bit of fun+messing around (just sex), or if he actually likes you enough to ask you out?
yes,this is relating to the same guy in my other thread. ive been thinking....i really like him, but how do i know he isnt just talking to me because he thinks he's gonna get some action???
im not sure if this would bother me normally....bit of fun and all that, but with this guy i want it to be more+just know il be gutted if i learn he's using me for sex!
how do you tell??
L+C
0
Comments
First off I think what I'm With Stupid has said is spot on - especially the last sentence. If you're not actually having sex with him and he's still around then that's a pretty good sign, and you could think about saying something along the lines of wanting to wait for sex because you only sleep with people who you're likely to get to know in the context of a proper relationship - or when there's potential for something to progress. His reactions to this are likely to be quite telling.
You might find thesite's article on lies that won't get you into bed quite telling - and if you're starting to hear some of these already then it doesn't necessarily mean that things can't work out - just that he needs to hear you won't fall for them!
On the other hand, I've seen others say in threads that they've made someone wait and even then the person has run a mile after they finally got some action. Now, although possible, I think it's an unlikely scenario and it could be quite damaging to get obsessed by the possiblity.
Overall, perhaps this is just an indication that it's not the right time to bring sex into the equation. At least until you really feel more secure with him. It's a good idea to try and imagine that even if things don't work out in the long run, sex is something that you've consented to because you both really want it and it's something you can look back on fondly rather than with resentment - or best case scenario - an experience that forms a lasting relationship.
i've heard of number 2 and 4 actually.. maybe number 7
I'm not entirely sure - but I think it was probably Spanner or Susie
I've certainly heard a few of them!
I feel ashamed that some of my sex even consider using lines of that nature.
He hasnt tried any lines like that thankfully.
your last words really made strength - at the end of the day, if i sleep with him it was bcos we both liked each other (worst case scenario) and at its best a relationship develops.
im not going to rush into anything anyway....but i just want to see him more
any more advice guys?
L+C
Indeed, its bad to say it, much worse to accept it.
or is this not a good plan.....?
Basically, you could wait weeks and months to sleep with a bloke and he could still fuck you off the next day... or you could hop straight into bed with him and develop the most signifigant and lasting relationship of your life. Unless you feel able to talk to him (and that you can trust and believe what he says) then there is always that gamble, it's just a case of instincts and there is always the risk of getting hurt.
Sorry to make you repeat yourself if you've already said, but have you slept with him yet or are you still waiting to do the wild thang?
Look, I am at the other end of the rope at the moment, and I tell you what I do.
I know the girl from studying, we worked together in lab. There were a lot of friendly people, talking to her etc, so you have to make the fine difference and let her know that you are a tad more interested: So I asked for her number.
The next day's evening I called her and had some funny chit-chat. I showed that I enjoyed the conversation, and put in some anecdotes as well, so it does not look as if I am only "yes.... mhmmm.... okay.... yea.... cool..."-ing. So at the end of the call I asked her if she'd fancy to catch up for a drink at thursday evening. I am coming from math excercises from uni and could directly meet up with her. She accepted.
We called it off, because we have a real stressy week, but she suggested to postpone it to next week (so no canceling without backup-plan.)
We emailed then, because she wanted to send me some handwriting about a subject I couldn't attend, but wasn't able to do it. Moreover did she let me know that she's going home to her town over the weekend, so I responded with, don't bother about the handwriting I am copying from a collegue tomorrow anyway etc, and that it's a pity she's going home, because there is a huge birthday party of my friend going on with other birthday celebrating friends of him, and they rented a big boat on the Donaucanal, with at least 150 people attending, and I'd love to take her along (so a little show of interest: My friends are celebrating, and I'd like to have you with me, i.e. improving an evening with your company, and to introduce you to my friends, which is a personal thing imho.)
I know I let it sound like rocket science, but I am concerned like you that I can seperate myself among all 'just' the friendly people and players.
/edit: about the "men don't get subtle"-thing.
I am sure we DO 'get' the subtle part, but we are not quite able to interpret it, because we've made different good or bad experiences with it.
For example I had a girl give me subtle signs of digging me, and I tried to reciprotate, trying to steer in a position where you can make a move. Do you know how it turned out in the end? She was just teasing me, because she was hot and could! simple as that.
So if a girl is giving you subtle shit it can be one thing or another 180° turned thing. Either she's digging you, or she's teasing you. Either she wants to fuck your brains out, or she REALLY just wants to invite you over at night to play playstation 2 with you (yes! it happened).
So I usually try to interpret it, but in the end if I can't tell which direction the sign is pointing I rather ignore it, before I run in the wrong direction.
i havent slept with him yet
strubbleS, thanx for your interesting POV!