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Need advice on friendship
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, so here is the deal, my Ex, who is also my friend has had 2 rejections in a row from Universities she is applying to. She applied to Durham and got rejected and they were her first choice. Now she has got a rejection from Manchester who were going to be her insurance, as her brother and sister both go there now and her oldest sister went there already, she felt she was going to at least get an offer.
I want to help her and make her feel a bit better, but because she is my Ex and we are trying to be just friends i don't know what to do. If i try to make out the positive side of things like, she might still get offers from her other 4 university choices, she just makes out she doesnt want to go to any of them, especially Leeds my old University, which up till her 2 rejections she was saying she did want to go to. If i dont do anything at all, she gets bitchy im not helping.
So how can i help? Or should i just leave her alone while she is crying and depressed? What do i do?
I want to help her and make her feel a bit better, but because she is my Ex and we are trying to be just friends i don't know what to do. If i try to make out the positive side of things like, she might still get offers from her other 4 university choices, she just makes out she doesnt want to go to any of them, especially Leeds my old University, which up till her 2 rejections she was saying she did want to go to. If i dont do anything at all, she gets bitchy im not helping.
So how can i help? Or should i just leave her alone while she is crying and depressed? What do i do?
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Seriously, she is buond to be upset if she had her heart set on something, but there are hundreds of other universities. It matters more how she spends the time at the uni she goes to than the uni she attends, honestly.
So did i lol, i got into every uni i applied to infact.
Guess i'm buggered as far as helping to cheer her up goes then eh? Bugger.
Eh?!?!?!?!
Is this the first time anyone has said "NO" to her??????
For five minutes - welcome to the real world - life is full of rejections and missed opportunities.
As a friend you should tell her to grow up! If she continues like this she is going to have a very miserable and lonely life. And how dare she take it out on you!!!!!
Tell her to stop sulking like a 5 year old and attention seeking like a 12 year old.
Tell her - "YOU ARE A YOUNG ADULT NOW, THEREFORE YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR GETTING OVER STUFF AND FINDING A WAY AROUND OBSTACLES. MUMMY WILL NO LONGER HOLD YOUR HAND AND DADDY WILL NO LONGER FISH A TENNER OUT OF HIS WALLET TO SHUT YOU UP!"
Either that, which is what real friends do, or tell her to sod off and find some other friends.
Hope this helps, as harsh as it is :mad:
I say don't say anything if she's being a bit mardy about it though. If you do need to say something, just tell ehr taht loads of people don't get their first choice (and by loads I mean most people) and they still have a great time at uni. I'm not at my first choice but I prefer it over Warwick. I mean, I'm ruining it a bit for myself haven't settled in well yet. Heh. But all the same, would have been worse at Warwick because I wouldn't love the place like I do here.
by not telling her, just prolongs her 'head in the sand' lifestyle.
Most people understand you get rejected at things in life. But it still sucks. Going 'shut up moaning you got rejected just live with it' doesn't help, because she knows she got rejected. Friends are supposed to be there to pick each other up, imo.
For sure, but they are also there to help each other grow and mature. Simply agreeing and going "oh, wot a shame, poor you" is doing the girl no good whatsoever. It would be far better to have a one-2-one chat about how silly she is being and how miserable she will be over Xmas and how miserable she is making everyone else with her constant winge. It's called looking in the mirror or 360 degree feedback.
For sure it will hurt, but after the hurt will come recovery.
Likewise. Along with Leeds, Edinburgh, UCL & York.
Booyah!