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Need advice on friendship

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Ok, so here is the deal, my Ex, who is also my friend has had 2 rejections in a row from Universities she is applying to. She applied to Durham and got rejected and they were her first choice. Now she has got a rejection from Manchester who were going to be her insurance, as her brother and sister both go there now and her oldest sister went there already, she felt she was going to at least get an offer.

I want to help her and make her feel a bit better, but because she is my Ex and we are trying to be just friends i don't know what to do. If i try to make out the positive side of things like, she might still get offers from her other 4 university choices, she just makes out she doesnt want to go to any of them, especially Leeds my old University, which up till her 2 rejections she was saying she did want to go to. If i dont do anything at all, she gets bitchy im not helping.

So how can i help? Or should i just leave her alone while she is crying and depressed? What do i do?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you're not gona win either way :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Without wishing to sound cruel, tell her that loads of people get rejected from Durham and that she should get over herself.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i got into Durham and rejected THEM :razz:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wish I had got rejected by Durham!

    Seriously, she is buond to be upset if she had her heart set on something, but there are hundreds of other universities. It matters more how she spends the time at the uni she goes to than the uni she attends, honestly.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think lipsy's right, the way you put it, it's a no win situation - she's gonna be upset about one thing or the other. Be there for her and have a little patience because she's bound to be frustrated, by don't take the full responsibility of having to make her feel better - that's really something she's got to assume herself.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    i got into Durham and rejected THEM :razz:


    So did i lol, i got into every uni i applied to infact.
    Guess i'm buggered as far as helping to cheer her up goes then eh? Bugger.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I didnt get into the uni i wanted(well, more my mum wanted), and although i was a bit upset at the time the uni i did get into was where i really wanted to go, i just didnt expect it. Like others have said, others will have been rejected so she isnt the only one. it just means the uni is missing out!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nelly_bar wrote:
    I didnt get into the uni i wanted(well, more my mum wanted), and although i was a bit upset at the time the uni i did get into was where i really wanted to go, i just didnt expect it. Like others have said, others will have been rejected so she isnt the only one. it just means the uni is missing out!

    Eh?!?!?!?!

    Is this the first time anyone has said "NO" to her??????

    For five minutes - welcome to the real world - life is full of rejections and missed opportunities.

    As a friend you should tell her to grow up! If she continues like this she is going to have a very miserable and lonely life. And how dare she take it out on you!!!!!

    Tell her to stop sulking like a 5 year old and attention seeking like a 12 year old.

    Tell her - "YOU ARE A YOUNG ADULT NOW, THEREFORE YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR GETTING OVER STUFF AND FINDING A WAY AROUND OBSTACLES. MUMMY WILL NO LONGER HOLD YOUR HAND AND DADDY WILL NO LONGER FISH A TENNER OUT OF HIS WALLET TO SHUT YOU UP!"

    Either that, which is what real friends do, or tell her to sod off and find some other friends.

    Hope this helps, as harsh as it is :mad:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Still, winter bum, she's going to be upset about it and one of the skills you learn with having friends is being sensitive when they're upset. Even if they're being silly.

    I say don't say anything if she's being a bit mardy about it though. If you do need to say something, just tell ehr taht loads of people don't get their first choice (and by loads I mean most people) and they still have a great time at uni. I'm not at my first choice but I prefer it over Warwick. I mean, I'm ruining it a bit for myself :p haven't settled in well yet. Heh. But all the same, would have been worse at Warwick because I wouldn't love the place like I do here.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's all part of growing up though. She needs to understand that she will always be rejected at some things.

    by not telling her, just prolongs her 'head in the sand' lifestyle.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    winter bum wrote:
    It's all part of growing up though. She needs to understand that she will always be rejected at some things.

    by not telling her, just prolongs her 'head in the sand' lifestyle.

    Most people understand you get rejected at things in life. But it still sucks. Going 'shut up moaning you got rejected just live with it' doesn't help, because she knows she got rejected. Friends are supposed to be there to pick each other up, imo.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    TheShyBoyInTheCorner wrote:
    Most people understand you get rejected at things in life. But it still sucks. Going 'shut up moaning you got rejected just live with it' doesn't help, because she knows she got rejected. Friends are supposed to be there to pick each other up, imo.

    For sure, but they are also there to help each other grow and mature. Simply agreeing and going "oh, wot a shame, poor you" is doing the girl no good whatsoever. It would be far better to have a one-2-one chat about how silly she is being and how miserable she will be over Xmas and how miserable she is making everyone else with her constant winge. It's called looking in the mirror or 360 degree feedback.

    For sure it will hurt, but after the hurt will come recovery.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    i got into Durham and rejected THEM :razz:

    Likewise. Along with Leeds, Edinburgh, UCL & York.

    Booyah!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I got into Durham, Newcastle, Nottingham, Manchester and Leeds and chose Leeds. Hurray for me! I would like to say "Booyah", but that has already been done once, so i shall say... "Bume!" Instead!
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