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"seeing" him.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships

So, I've been seeing this guy for about 3 months now. We used to "see" each other this time last year, lets just say we have always liked each other whether we have been seeing each other or not.

Lately, he seems really odd with me. He will still text me most days and act normal on MSN, but it's like he doesn't want to see me anymore... I make an effort to arrange to see him and he'll just be like "oh I'm fucked" or he's busy with something. BUT he's acting exactly the same but just hasn't seen me for a while.

I'm gutted cos I like the guy so much, but I honestly haven't got a clue how to approach the subject with him, cos I'm sure he will definitely go all moody or at least go weird with me if I bring something up.
I'm just wanting to know where I stand with him really. If he does want to see me. He's just so confusing, and on n off all the time. :banghead:

He drives me mad, my friends tell me I shouldn't bother but he's just one of those I can't get out of my head or stop liking, you know?

If anyone could help me? Or at least reassure me or something? Mehh.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If I were you I would act the same with him for a while. Not be a total cow or anything, just when he texts you, don't reply straight away, keep him waiting. Wait for him to contact you to plan to do something. I had a relationship like this once & got fed up of checking my phone or being let down when I'd arranged something, so when I decided to turn the table & let him do the chasing, he was soon interested again. Tbh, we ended up splittin, as I couldn't be doing with the messing about. If you can't approach him about a subject you feel to be important, then he's not really b/f material. A friend of mine recently told me that her & her fella weren't havin sex anymore & whenever she tried to talk to him about it, he started shouting at her & getting nasty. So I pretty much told her that's not the way to have a relationship, you should be able to talk about any little thing that's on your mind without having a full blown row about it or worrying that he will react in a bad way.

    Good luck :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you're "seeing" him then approaching him to have a serious discussion about the amount of time he's spending with you is a BAD idea.

    Don't make this into a bigger deal than it is; I would guess he's just not very appreciative of you because you're always around to "see" him when he wants. You either need to lay your cards on the table re: what you actually want to happen long-term here (though be prepared for his answer as it mightn't be the one you want) or start making yourself a little more unavailable to him so he sees what he's actually got. It is fundamentally impossible to miss someone and crave their company when they're always around and there is never any element of chase or excitement to arranging rendezvous with them - that's not a judgement on you, just a basic fact when it comes to the majority of relationships.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    moody men are waste because they lack ambition and compromise at the easiest alternative.

    get someone bright.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Meh, thanks you guys.
    I would go all weird on him, but then I feel like he will just not bother at all then cos he would think I didn't like him or something. I just need a way of talking to him about it without sounding too obsessed! Haha.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    oh my gosh this sounds like the EXACT predicament i was in a few months back- we had been 'seeing' eachother for a few months but i really liked him and wanted to see him more, cos he went a bit weird and was normal with me when we WERE together but never asked to meet up. when i rung him every week or whatever we'd meet.
    when i wanted to know where i stood he said he liked me but never quite gave me a straight answer.

    one day i decided to see how bothered he was and i didnt contact him at all. i waited 3 weeks before giving in and calling- went round his and had a wicked time, same as always.

    then i decided i should really wait, and while i was on holiday i got loads of texts askin to talk. i said id ring him when i got back but then HE was on holiday for 2 weeks so when we eventually got to talk ( this was about a month since id last seen him face2face) i decided that this looked stupid. i looked like a mug. all my friends had told me not to bother, even tho i was in love with him.

    we 'split up' and i asked him why he fucked me about. he said he didnt want a girlfriend etc etc., but still wanted to see me because he liked spending time with me.

    i was really angry at him but now i realise that we wanted different things. hes at that time in your life when all he wanted to do was have fun. he liked me a lot and i believe him when he said that but he just didnt want any serious ties- i completely understand that because im the same way now.

    i still miss him every day but i understand what went wrong and why.

    my advice from someone who knows exactly how u feel ( i felt like a right psycho i can tell you) - play the waiting game a bit, a little hard to get.if he contacts you then good.if he doesnt- wait the period of time that you feel is too long and contact him, and finish it. because it got to the point with me where id wait 3 weeks just for 5 minutes because i loved him so much but its pathetic really. then i thought 'if he never contacts me again then that'l be it'- but i needed closure. ending it with him broke my heart but it was the best thing for me in the long run.

    you need to ask yourself if it really is going anywhere- he may like you a lot but only when youre with him, the rest of the time he may not be bothered. its hard to comprehend and also a bit hurtful that you can feel so much for someone and they dont like you as much, but there you go.

    i could of course be completely wrong and he does really like you, but reading the signs, your situation sounds the same as mine was.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds so much like a guy i used to see too! His name isn't Phil by any chance is it? lol

    I know it's crap at the time as you really like him but don't seem to be getting the same back from him as you're putting in, but Scarlet Pimpernell is right - if you are both expecting/wanting different things from a relationship it probably isn't going to work out well for both of you in the long term. You need to ask yourself if you're happy in this situation and if you're not, however hard it may be, you need to end it. I waited around for about 6 months hoping things would improve but they didn't and although it was difficult to forget about him, once i had broken ties i met someone else and was much happier.

    Hope things work out for you! :)
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