If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Once a cheater, always a cheater?
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
Mmm.
Need a few opinions here.
Kinda seeing this guy at the min, its like, weird. Nothing official or anything but like, things keep happening between us.
Thing is, I don't trust him. He's talked about us being girlfriend and boyfriend many times before but like, I don't want to be in a relationship. I think its more to do with the fact I don't trust him though and I'm scared of getting hurt. Been in a number of failed relationships in the past year (split up with ex of 3 years this time last year, split up with another guy in april then another guy in june/july). I've had dates since and stuff but like, I go on them then I just cut contact because I'm so scared of getting hurt.
Anyways, me and ths guy. We have been really good mates for months now and like, things have just turned into something more. However, for months, he's told me about all the women he has been sleeping with and like, he's never faithful. He's always seeing someone behind another's back. He still sleeps with his ex girlfriends every now and again. I know all this because I've been his mate.
He says he really likes me and wants to be with me but like, gah. I just don't know.
Why do I attract these sort of boys?
I've always thought once a cheater always a cheater tbh. My ex of three years cheated on me time and time again despite the fact he kept saying he wouldn't do it again. As a result, I really don't trust people easily. It takes alot for me to trust someone. Its got alot better since I've had other boyfriends as they haven't cheated on me but like, yeah. I still don't trust people easily.
He keeps saying to me that he won't cheat but like, I don't really believe him.
People are telling me I should give him the benefit of the doubt though and not judge him on his past. Its just so hard though.
Its just a bit shit. I really really like this guy (although I'm actually denying this to everyone who knows me). He really likes me. I just don't wanna set myself out to get hurt though. I'm not quite sure how I'd take being cheated on again. In my head, its bound to happen if we get together. However, he tells me it won't be that way. How can I believe him if he's never been faithful to his girlfriends in the past? He gets alot of attention off girls too and alot of the time, he takes the opportunity to have a bit of fun.
Its taken me so long to get back to my confident self. I'm confident in the way I look and I'm feeling much more secure. I'm completely independent and I'm very happy at the minute. I don't wanna like, wreck all I've achieved in the past year by going with someone who is bound to cheat on me and shatter my self esteem again.
Sorry for posting this here. I just want a few opinions on the matter. I just don't know if I should give him the benefit of the doubt and give him a chance. URGH.
Need a few opinions here.
Kinda seeing this guy at the min, its like, weird. Nothing official or anything but like, things keep happening between us.
Thing is, I don't trust him. He's talked about us being girlfriend and boyfriend many times before but like, I don't want to be in a relationship. I think its more to do with the fact I don't trust him though and I'm scared of getting hurt. Been in a number of failed relationships in the past year (split up with ex of 3 years this time last year, split up with another guy in april then another guy in june/july). I've had dates since and stuff but like, I go on them then I just cut contact because I'm so scared of getting hurt.
Anyways, me and ths guy. We have been really good mates for months now and like, things have just turned into something more. However, for months, he's told me about all the women he has been sleeping with and like, he's never faithful. He's always seeing someone behind another's back. He still sleeps with his ex girlfriends every now and again. I know all this because I've been his mate.
He says he really likes me and wants to be with me but like, gah. I just don't know.
Why do I attract these sort of boys?
I've always thought once a cheater always a cheater tbh. My ex of three years cheated on me time and time again despite the fact he kept saying he wouldn't do it again. As a result, I really don't trust people easily. It takes alot for me to trust someone. Its got alot better since I've had other boyfriends as they haven't cheated on me but like, yeah. I still don't trust people easily.
He keeps saying to me that he won't cheat but like, I don't really believe him.
People are telling me I should give him the benefit of the doubt though and not judge him on his past. Its just so hard though.
Its just a bit shit. I really really like this guy (although I'm actually denying this to everyone who knows me). He really likes me. I just don't wanna set myself out to get hurt though. I'm not quite sure how I'd take being cheated on again. In my head, its bound to happen if we get together. However, he tells me it won't be that way. How can I believe him if he's never been faithful to his girlfriends in the past? He gets alot of attention off girls too and alot of the time, he takes the opportunity to have a bit of fun.
Its taken me so long to get back to my confident self. I'm confident in the way I look and I'm feeling much more secure. I'm completely independent and I'm very happy at the minute. I don't wanna like, wreck all I've achieved in the past year by going with someone who is bound to cheat on me and shatter my self esteem again.
Sorry for posting this here. I just want a few opinions on the matter. I just don't know if I should give him the benefit of the doubt and give him a chance. URGH.
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
0
Comments
Don't think you'll change him, but if you go into it laying down very clear ground rules, if he does cheat at least he won't get away with it.
If you don't trust someone its not normally a good idea to date them.
When men start talking about long commitment at an early stage they're generally not to be believed. He'll commit and love you until he beds you.
to the OP, if you don't trust him then don't bother.
It's a technique a lot of players use.
And I don't think that someone genuine would be making hundreds of rash promises for after you shag them.
Well he says he likes you, which is as good a place as any to start. If it were me in this situation and I really really liked him then I guess I would give him the run of the field to see if his actions match his words. You can't judge how he would be with you on how he is with the other girls you know he's been with; maybe he's gone arse over tit for you and wouldn't cheat. However, if he's as much of a Don Juan as you say he is then he probably has his seduction technique pretty well-honed, which is something to bear in mind.
I do have reservations about his general character from what you've said about his compulsive cheating, and the fact that he would detail this infidelity to you even in your capacity as his friend. Sounds a bit weird to me, or at best he thinks - in some twisted way - that this is some great way to show off his prowess.
Whatever his intentions, one thing is absolutely certain. Go into any kind of relationship with him with the attitude that he's not to be trusted and a non-spot-changing-leopard, then the demise of that relationship is absolutely a self-fulfilling prophecy. Whether or not it is his cheating that ends it, or rather your own paranoia and insecurity about what he may or may not do, is another matter entirely.
One of my friends recently confessed that he'd cheated on every single girl he had ever been out with except for his current girlfriend - but that was in his teens early 20's and he's been with his current girl for around 7 years and has no future plans to go behind her back.
People do change - but they have to want to change first and be in the right stage and place of mind to do so.
Not everyone are complete wankers like that, but i just thought i would share my story
Very good point BUT i suppose you can learn to trust. Personally i don't think i would risk it, i'd be too paranoid.
Yep, i agree with this. One of my mates cheated and shagged around for years, then he met 'the one' if you wanna put it like that and he's been faithful for two years...
some will always cheat because they know they can get away with it and they devloped a habbit of it, while others would have done it and genuinely feel bad about it and want to change espescially as they've found someone they really like.
It's really up to you, I don't know the personality of this dude so I can't really say either way fairly. If he really sounds genuine and you really believe he would change for you then go for it and I hope it goes well, however if your gut feeling is that he's a serial cheater and won't stop just for you then ditch him while you can.
Your call...
There's better than him out there
However, I believe most people don't care to change who they are, or won't because they like it. I say follow your heart but tread carefully...
This isn't a sweeping generalisation.
But he is older than me, so when he did cheat on one of his partners he was young and foolish as he says.
But then my mate's fella has cheated and cheated on her, but she says he'll change and everyone can see he wont.
But only you know what to do, you could try things with him and see how it goes?? or you clould just stay friends?
Good luck with it.
if you feel you can trust him, give him a chance is what i say!
So, he's told you about the girls he's slept with, cheated on, whatever.
Ive done this in the past, but only said it to a girl who i can talk to and trust implicitally, you may not think of it, but its actually a compliment to you that he feels he can talk about stuff to you which would be so taboo to other women he knows.
If you like him, then go for it. You obviously do, or you wouldnt be posting here asking for advice.
My advice to you, is ignore all the people that tell you he will always cheat. That is complete and utter bollocks and tends to show up someone who has been cheated on in the past, and is bitter about it.
Ive been cheated on, im sure 95% of people here have been. The difference is, you let it go... the relationship obviously wasnt right at the time.
He may cheat on you in the future... you may cheat on him. Christ you might win the lottery tomorrow and die the day after...
...Dont look at it so subjectively, go with what you feel will make you happy. And if you think you'll have a good time with the guy, give him a chance.
Good luck!
Thanks for everyone's replies. They have helped me make a decision.
I just wanna stay friends with him.
I'm never going to be able to trust him after all he's told me so yanno. I've done really well getting to where I am now (confident, no longer insecure or paranoid) so I'm not gonna wreck that by getting with a guy who is very likely to hurt me.
Thanks
As I said I don't know this dude's personality so it would be unfair of me to make judgements but I'm sure you made the right choice, you know yourself what kind of person he is and whether he'd hurt you or not.