Impossible Situation (Close to breakdown)

This is a very complicated situation and I need some feedback. I am sorry it is so long but I have to get everything in, if I miss anything out then I will just regret it later.

I am So Sorry its so long

Ok I met my GF online over a year ago in Lycos chat. She was 22 I was 30. She had her Ex Boyfriend living with her at the time, and she has a Son with him.

At the time things were a bit of a mess and we talked on MSN a lot, often she just used to disappear because he would wake up and ask what she was doing.

For a period of time we didn’t really speak, I don’t think we could say we were an item or not but I told her I would wait for her, and I did wait. One day she came online and she told me that her Ex had moved out. This might have been a few months after I cant remember exactly.

Anyway once her ex had moved out I thought GREAT things can move forward and they did. We spoke on the Phone a lot, arranged to meet etc. It got to the point where she was going to come down and see me, she rang me from the Station the first time and told me she couldn’t come see me because she didn’t have enough money. It was and still is £57 Train Fare. I was gutted as anyone would be.

Time passed and I didn’t get to talk to her at the Weekend. Her Ex used to come over to see their Son and Louise used to let Him stay from Friday to Sunday or Monday. Obviously I wasn’t happy with this. I couldn’t ring her at Home because she told me her Ex didn’t know about me and if he did there would be an argument about a Man ringing the house when his Son is there.

One day I did ring and she answered, I was not aware of the situation at that point and she went very quiet and didn’t say hello back, all she said was “I have to go” and put the phone down.

The Second time she had arranged to come down. I made her a nice Curry during the day, spent ages making everything perfect. I didn’t hear from her, I rang her Mobile and got no answer. Eventually the next day she came on the Computer and told me she had been mugged at the station and afterwards she was shook up and went to her friends. She told me that’s why she never answered her Mobile, they took it.

Fast forwarding a little bit she had rang me while he had been there, she was crying and couldn’t cope. She told me that her Ex would tell her Son nasty things about her to him, and she was scared that her Son would believe this. She also told me that he wouldn’t let her leave the house while he was there so she couldn’t go to the phone box and ring me.

By this point I had received texts from her, the number was the same, did the muggers return her phone? At the time I said nothing about this.

Eventually she told me that her Ex knows about me and there was a period where he had told her he was taking her Son away from her and she was in a bit of a Mess over that.

I had reassured her that what he says he cant do and it wouldn’t happen, I also told her that she needed to go and speak to the Police and tell them of the mental torture he is putting her through but she refused to do it because she couldn’t explain to her Son that his Daddy wouldn’t be coming to stay no more.

I got to the point where I accepted that she would never meet me, by this time I was in love with her and she told me she loved me. I was just hanging on day in day out.

Eventually in September she came to see me. Everything went great, we chatted, we were both smiling a lot, we made love. The next day she had to go early to get back home for her Son. She cried at the Station and we parted ways. It was very hard.

Shortly after this I was telling my mate Paul about my GF and the situation with her Ex, he told me what probably everyone else will tell me. While I was talking to him he asked me what her Last name was, and where she lived. I told him I didn’t know where she lived only the town. He came back to me with her address and phone number, and he told me that she was living with someone with the same surname as her. Accusations started flowing as to was this her husband?, she told me she had never been married but what are the chances that you meet someone with the same surname as you who happens to live in the same house?

I told my Ex Girlfriend Tracey about what my mate Paul had found out. She is a very good friend and she knew that there was something about my GF she didn’t like. She kept telling me she could tell from her eyes and that women know these things.

Anyway my Ex was furious and demanded my GF’s e mail. I gave it to her knowing she was going to mail her but was not aware it was going to be nasty.

I spoke to my GF about this, I told her eventually what had happened and that I was thinking she had or was married. She flew off the handle with me, she was crying and telling me how I could think this and that it wasn’t true. Eventually I calmed her down and said I was sorry, she told me she had lost all trust in me and that she didn’t believe the story of Paul finding her address.

I told Paul what was happening and he told me he would mail my GF and explain but again I didn’t want to give out her E mail and make things worse but I didn’t want her thinking it was all down to me. He mailed her and explained and that was that, whether she believed it or not I don’t know.

We moved past it and things were getting back to normal, or as normal as they could be. Her Ex was still going round weekends.

I sent her money so she could come and see me again. I sold my MP3 player and my PS2. Now knowing where she lived I wanted to make things up to her so I sent her Roses to be delivered on 2 Occasions. I bought her some Hair Straighteners because I know she liked her hair straight and hers were broke, she had money problems.

I also made her some Romantic Video’s using pictures and Music, ive never done that before and I enjoyed doing it. She told me she loved them and things were looking sweet. She had even sent me some pictures of her, revealing ones, sexy ones not sordid.

Along came 4th November. She had arranged to come down to see me again. She arrived and she looked amazing. I couldn’t take my eyes off her and I felt on top of the world. All my problems just disappeared.

While she was here I asked her to look at what I sent her in an e mail. I made her a little diary of what I had been doing all day and how nervous I was.

She checked her mail and read it and I think she liked it. That night things were really good and the next morning she had to go again. She cried and she left me once again.

When I got home I texted her and went to bed for a while. Got up in the afternoon and went to check my Hotmail and her e mail showed up and the password was there, so I clicked “Log In”. I was curious at first to see what my mate Paul had e mailed her about as he never told me. What I found made me sick.

I went back and back through the mails and saw these mails from a couple of blokes, one of them were saying that he couldn’t believe she told him he was her soul mate. And he sent her a sordid image of what he wanted to do to her. He thanked her for the pictures she sent him and that he looked at them everyday. You can imagine the rest.

My world had collapsed I couldn’t believe what was happening to me, what had I done to deserve this? After everything I had done for her and everything I told her.

I kept going through the mails and came across Myspace messages, I managed to retrieve the password for myspace wondering what else was going on behind my back and I logged into her account. I wasn’t wrong in my suspicions. I found mails from about 3-4 Blokes hitting on her in there so I went to the very beginning and read them all in sequence.

It started off with Hi how are you, damn your sexy etc. Eventually it went on and on and it led up to my GF saying at one bloke what a hot Body he had, and that she had a free house at the weekend if he wanted to come round. How much it was killing her that they had not spoke and begging him to contact her.

At this point my body went numb and I was sick several times, I felt faint and I was crying none stop. These replies were made to this bloke after we had first met, like 10 days after.
I went on to read more and one bloke asked her if she was single and she said yes, I was like “Erm Hello?” And they had conversations and he wanted to come to the UK. She had said she would cook for him and that she didn’t want to sound corny but she was really interested in him.

I wont go into every message but I found she had spoke on the phone to these blokes, maybe not all of them but definitely a few. Also she had been on Webcam with at least one of them, and of course the interest and pictures, and the inviting of one bloke to come round.

My blood turned to ICE…and when she arrived home she rang me to say hello. As you can imagine I wasn’t very talkative and she asked me what was wrong. I didn’t say anything, I was too confused, I had to talk to someone about this, what was I going to do about this.

My Friends, close ones could not believe it either, they told me to get rid of her as I expected they would. Immediately I took her down of my webpage and I rang her up.

She asked me what was wrong and I gave in and told her what I knew, she went silent and had nothing to say. What she did say didn’t make no sense. She told me the guy she had invited down to her house was just for a smoke (Weed) and that’s all. I was like “No bloke is going to come 6-7 Hours on a train to see you just for a smoke and not expect anything” and besides, after what she had been saying to him and what he said to her there was no way nothing would have happened. She might have well have just said im wet and waiting for you.

She didn’t deny what she had done and said it was only me she wanted, that most of these e mails were just fantasy and its not what she wanted. She told me that at the time we were going through a bad patch and didn’t think I was serious about her.

I left it for 2 days, I didn’t check her e mail again because I wiped everything to do with it, in my eyes it was over. I had her contact list and a copy of the e mails in wordpad but the password was deleted. I thought well now its over she can mail who she wants.

Many people told me to mail these blokes and tell them what was happening but I was too upset to be bothered.

Few days after she texted me and I ended up ringing her, everyone told me not to but I love her and I had so many questions.

She told me she did love me, she was sorry, she wanted to make things work, she regrets doing it. I told her over and over that I didn’t trust her and it got to the point where she gave up telling me because nothing she said made a difference.

At this point I told her we need to meet and she told me she would make it happen, even though she has little money and a child. She spent all night on the phone to me saying she was going to make things right and show me what I meant to her. She had like 3 days to sort something out to get to me, this was last weekend, she couldn’t make it to see me and told me this on the Friday. Obviously I was disappointed, she claimed she would do anything to put things right but she couldn’t get to me.

On the Saturday I told her we needed to talk, we had to sort things out, we didn’t get to speak much because she told me she had to goto her Mums. She asked me what time would I like her back so we could talk and I just said don’t make it late.

I texted her as time went on, told her its getting stupid. She rang me up a few hours later saying she can’t talk long because her Ex is coming round. I thought to myself WTF!!!!!!
I asked her if he was staying and she said probably, but she needs to talk to him and let him know he can’t come round any more. I was furious that after everything that’s happened things just went back to the same old story.

I thought to myself screw this I am going to e mail him and ask him if he was married and stuff. I didn’t ask to many questions and never involved my name or my GF’s but some how she read it while he was there, now she thinks I am going to team up with him to get her back. I thought I was Paranoid.

Anyway last night she told me she was sorting things out and she has told him, he wasn’t very nice about it and is threatening to take her Son away, She says this would make me happy because we can spend a week together rather than just one night.

I told her it wouldn’t make me happy to make her unhappy not seeing her Son and this is not the only way out, that she can contact the Police and have him warned and if necessary get an injunction Order.

Today she told me she had rung the Police and told them but nothing has been done, there was no point in ringing them. All the verbal threats and the fact he has a Key to her house, the threats to take her Son, yet they have not done nothing.

So now things are still the same, I am giving up a party next weekend so me and my GF can sort this out but let’s face it, she won’t come. All the people she knows don’t know about me, if she says she loves me why don’t these people know about me? She even told me her Ex could come round again tonight and if he does he will be overnight again.

So today I have had the Doctor, he has told me my stomach is inflamed probably due to a flare up of an ulcer. I have not eaten in two weeks and I am throwing up all the time. My mind has completely gone AWOL.

As much as I love her I cant help feel what she is saying is bull, I don’t think she will come to see me, I don’t think she is trying enough to put what she has done right. And for all I know she could still be in touch with these men either by e mail or on the phone.

Update

After everything that has gone on I had accepted that Louise would change. At first it seemed as though she had done. The phone calls, the text messages, the e mails, her attitude towards me.

She told her Mother about me, and I wrote to her mother in an e mail introducing myself and thanking her for not judging us for how we met, all seems good and she mailed me back thanking me. I was thinking this is progress at last.

It had only been a few weeks after we made up after what she had done that I noticed a change again. It was weekend of 24th November. On the Friday night she had gone to her Nan’s for a Curry, I thought nothing of that. I did ring her at 11pm and we spoke for a while, she was tired and had been drinking.

On the Saturday I spoke to her online for a while. She was going to post an advert for a job working from home, nothing wrong with that. What did get to me is she said she would do anything for work except naughty stuff. Again nothing wrong with that except she has said this to me before, subtle references to sex as a job. Why? What reason is there to bring this up. I don’t understand. I keep thinking to myself “would she” if it was offered, she is that desperate for money it makes me wonder how far she would go.

I know I am probably being stupid and getting the wrong end of the stick, but when you have a gut feeling you have to go with it. Like the gut feeling she was cheating on me and I found all the e mails from the lads she was speaking to and leading on. And the one she offered an invite to her house.

During the weekend I rang her twice on the Saturday, she didn’t seem as though she wanted to talk so I said goodbye and that I loved her, normally she would say it back but for some reason all I got was “you too”. Again probably nothing but my money is on that someone was there and she couldn’t say it back. So obviously my mind starts running as to who is this person, is it her ex, and is she with someone else I don’t know about?

I mean lets get down to the facts here. I love her and I want to make it work. She has said she wants it to work and she wants to be with me and that she does love me, that’s a great foundation. On the negative side she has mailed other guys and invited one round to her house, she has lied to me in the past. She has an ex Boyfriend who comes to stay at weekends but swears there’s nothing between them and it’s only for her Son’s benefit that she lets him stay as not to confuse her Son and upset him. I can understand this and willing to let this go. Even her Mum has said she needs to get her Ex sorted out and not to let him control her life and relationship with me, yet she hasn’t done yet.