If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
needy? frustrated!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
well this is the first time ive ever posted something on here, even though ive been coming on here for ages, you lot just sound so friendly and nice :P
ive just been abit confused recently about my relationship with my boyfriend, of a year and a half. since we started college and working, i see way less of him than i used to, and its really getting me down. the main issue i have is with his friends, he has all his lessons with them, spends break and dinner talking to them, while i just sit there listening to their conversations, feeling like a complete third wheel. i just feel a bit left out sometimes.
he was talking to me excitedly the other night about going skiing with them ("oh, and you can come too!") and going to a festival next year ("we were talking about what bands we want to see") and that his best friend might be starting work with him ("how awesome would that be?") and all i could think of was "what about me?" and "don't you see them enough already?"
he has a large group of friends whereas i have my best friend (who's usually spending time with her boyfriend) and him, so there isnt much opportunity to be getting on with stuff of my own. also, i dont really want to, im happy with just having my best friend and my boyfriend anyway, ive just started to feel a bit left out.
hes having all his mates over on the weekend while i have to work, and then i have coursework to do so i wont see him all weeked. it just sucks :P
when i sound down about it he tells me to cheer up and get on with it, and i just feel like throwing a brick at him sometimes :P
i dont know how to bring it up in case i sound too needy,or whether i should talk to him about it at all. i just love him loads, and im so frustrated that he doesnt feel the same way about how much time we should spend with each other as i do. i dont want to be an annoying gf, i just want him to be happy, but i cant go on like this, its doing my nut in!
grr! i feel like he doesnt really need me at the moment, he has everyone he needs to keep him occupied!
wow, long post, i apologise
my ditzy best friend is the only one who'll usually listen but she's so wrapped up in her boyfriend she's not much use at the moment :P
ive just been abit confused recently about my relationship with my boyfriend, of a year and a half. since we started college and working, i see way less of him than i used to, and its really getting me down. the main issue i have is with his friends, he has all his lessons with them, spends break and dinner talking to them, while i just sit there listening to their conversations, feeling like a complete third wheel. i just feel a bit left out sometimes.
he was talking to me excitedly the other night about going skiing with them ("oh, and you can come too!") and going to a festival next year ("we were talking about what bands we want to see") and that his best friend might be starting work with him ("how awesome would that be?") and all i could think of was "what about me?" and "don't you see them enough already?"
he has a large group of friends whereas i have my best friend (who's usually spending time with her boyfriend) and him, so there isnt much opportunity to be getting on with stuff of my own. also, i dont really want to, im happy with just having my best friend and my boyfriend anyway, ive just started to feel a bit left out.
hes having all his mates over on the weekend while i have to work, and then i have coursework to do so i wont see him all weeked. it just sucks :P
when i sound down about it he tells me to cheer up and get on with it, and i just feel like throwing a brick at him sometimes :P
i dont know how to bring it up in case i sound too needy,or whether i should talk to him about it at all. i just love him loads, and im so frustrated that he doesnt feel the same way about how much time we should spend with each other as i do. i dont want to be an annoying gf, i just want him to be happy, but i cant go on like this, its doing my nut in!
grr! i feel like he doesnt really need me at the moment, he has everyone he needs to keep him occupied!
wow, long post, i apologise
my ditzy best friend is the only one who'll usually listen but she's so wrapped up in her boyfriend she's not much use at the moment :P 0
Comments
Yes, I believe that's the same tactic a venus fly trap uses to lure it's prey in, appear 'good'
Does he know this? - are his friends new since he started college and work? - maybe it's because they are new hence why he may rave about them soooo much. If you haven't said anything particularly, he may be oblivious to how you feel?
If he's just started college and just starting work, it's an all new experience, his best mate working alongside him! that's like chocolate cake with extra cream! (or something) it's something he's excited about and wanted to share with you
What about taking up a past time then when everyone else is 'engaged elsewhere?' reading? go swimming, doesn't matter, take up something to fill the times when everyone is doing something
I can sympathise, but this is only one weekend, they'll be others perhaps ask to spend next weekend with him?
Say you don't want to sound needy but you've been missing the times your used to - if you tell him your fears before you start he may see that you recognise how you feel about it, rather than coming directly in with 'we don't spend enough time together' that is immediately going to put people on the defensive, but if you show that you recognise how it may be interpreted - he won't feel he has to defend himself so much
As far as he is concerned, everything is fine - he potentially might be shocked if he knew you felt like this.
No problem, I believe it's what we are here for
I was in a bit of a situation like this when I was younger. I met my b/f at college, he was 1 year older than me, so when he left he went and got a job straight away and I was doing my last year so I had to really knuckle down!
He had a big group of mates and did see them most nights when I was stuck in doing my work, and although I did have a big group of mates, females and males, I only had 2 best mates, and they had b/f's so they wasnt intrested.
I had a word with my b/f, saying I wished we could spend more time together, and he was like "we can, come out with my mates":rolleyes: a couple of his mates did have g/f's so all us girls used to hang around together when we went out. But then one day I just looked at him and thought he was so immature, I finished it. Now I see him around town, with his mates, gettin bladderd every weekend, wereas I've got my own home with my fella and so happy.
I would suggest having a talk with your fella, you dont say how old you are and how old he is?? Just say that you feel this relationship is is like you, him and his mates. Has any of his mates got g/f's?? If so you could all go out, like a four some to the cinema. I wouldnt say to him, its me or your mates, but just say you would like it were you just see him on his own a couple of nights a week.
vinyl, he's the only one in the group with a girlfriend atm, theyre pretty much all nerds :P so basically its him and me, or him and the guys. i wouldnt mind about him seeing them but its only since we started sixth form he wants to see them more out of school, and i dont get why.
theres about 7 of them that have known each other since year 9, (we're in y12 now) but i cant remember them ever being this close and guy-ish.
and venus fly trap?! moi! :O :P
but also the reason i spend quite a bit of time with my mates too is that they're also a constant, there for me forever, and they need work too. also it's a bit easier than the seriousness of the relationship but that's another ballpark.
I'm pretty sure most of that babble is completely irrelevant to you, however. There are certain ways of approaching it that mean you dont come across as needy- how about suggesting a day out for the two of you etc? He has to realise that spending time as the two of you is as important as his mates, too.
remember that an independent woman is much more attractive than a dependent one.