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Girlfriend still sees ex, and lies about it.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Without going into too much detail, my girlfriend keeps making up elaborate lies about what she's upto and what she's done. She talks about places shes been, things she's planning to do. But get this, she'll tell me that she's doing those things with one of her female friends, where-as in actual fact, its her ex boyfriend she does those with.

I'm feeling like crap right now, and don't know what this means.

Any comments would help.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How do you know?

    It basically sounds like you are being played for a fool, I cant really see any way out of it other than confrontation. Sit her down, tell her you know then ask her why.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah...how do you know she's with her ex and not with her mates?
    you need to explain to her that she's going to lose your trust by lying to you....and you need an explanation. do not put up with any stupid crappy answers though!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I may end up sounding like a right idiot, but I know what she's been upto because I stumbled across her livejournal. I'm not really in the mood to hear about how I betrayed her trust by accidently finding and then knowingly reading her journal.

    To me, the fact of the matter is, today I found out that there are two versions of a lot of the things she says. One that I hear, and one that she's written down (and I assume is more truthful).

    So now we all know how I found out, but that still doesn't change the fact that someone who I thought was really honest and trustworthy might not be.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you didnt do anything wrong by reading her journal...you didnt actively go searching for it...just found it. And if she doesnt want people knowing what she's doing, why type it on an onine journal? and why not even make it friends only? she doesnt seem to be trying that hard to hide it.
    Maybe next time she says: im going out with X...ring that person+ask to speak to your gf+then when they say "she isnt here with me" you can confront her then+tell her that's how you know??? either way...you need to confront her sharpish or you'll end up being hurt by her lies!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The Pendari Champion wrote:
    I may end up sounding like a right idiot, but I know what she's been upto because I stumbled across her livejournal. I'm not really in the mood to hear about how I betrayed her trust by accidently finding and then knowingly reading her journal.

    To me, the fact of the matter is, today I found out that there are two versions of a lot of the things she says. One that I hear, and one that she's written down (and I assume is more truthful).

    So now we all know how I found out, but that still doesn't change the fact that someone who I thought was really honest and trustworthy might not be.

    To be quite honest even if you were going through drawers and bin to find it I think I know which person has the more explaining to do.

    If she has persistently been lying to your face about where she's going and who she's going with, you reading her LJ is a relatively minor crime.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The Pendari Champion wrote:
    I stumbled across her livejournal. I'm not really in the mood to hear about how I betrayed her trust by accidently finding and then knowingly reading her journal.

    When you say stumbled? Do you mean all the entries were public or you accessed private entries? hehe

    Maybe too bold to say but it sounds like she is an habitual liar (and extremely convincing and sincear with these lies too). Did you have some previous intution that she was lying before reading her livejournal?

    Are these recent events or events from months/weeks ago? You haven't been going out with her long, yes? Perhaps she was just seeing her ex to make sure she made the right choice (with choosing you). If they haven't met for a while, maybe she is now sure about her choice.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think that is totally out of order tbh. Why would she want to see an ex if she is with you?

    I talk to one ex via MSN only and for the past 2 years he has begged for me to see him but out of respect for my boyfriend i would never do that. He's in the past she should concentrate on what you two have.

    I think you both need a serious talk and for you to think if you want to be with her still.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm going to be difficult here and ask why she feels she needs to lie to you. A possibilty is she and her ex are still mates and she doesn't feel she can tell you about them meeting up because of your reaction.

    Although it does sound like she's doing it an awful lot, which sounds more like deceit.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal wrote:
    Why would she want to see an ex if she is with you?
    maybe because they are still friends?

    i`m very good friends with 2 of my exes

    the only difference is, as soon as i got with my current fella, i gave him the low down and told him that i wasnt going to stop seeing them and if he couldnt handle that, then we couldnt be together

    maybe she is lying because her and her ex are more than friends, but there could be a simpler reason, like SM said above, maybe she hasnt told him for fear of how he`ll react

    to the OP, you need to sit down and have a chat with her and find out whats going on...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can think of a million and one innocent reasons for why Sam would not want to tell me that she was going out and about with her ex.

    But it's the fact that for almost a month, she told me that she was going to go with her friend Liz. Then all that day, as I was sending her text messages, she would tell me that she and Liz were doing this, doing that.

    Things never sounded right when ever she would mention her ''friend' Dan in passing conversation. I guess I just stayed clear of the topic because she always got tense whenever she mentioned his name.

    I had a miserable day at work, and now all I want to do is sleep, so I don't think about this anymore.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The Pendari Champion wrote:
    I can think of a million and one innocent reasons for why Sam would not want to tell me that she was going out and about with her ex.

    But it's the fact that for almost a month, she told me that she was going to go with her friend Liz. Then all that day, as I was sending her text messages, she would tell me that she and Liz were doing this, doing that.

    Things never sounded right when ever she would mention her ''friend' Dan in passing conversation. I guess I just stayed clear of the topic because she always got tense whenever she mentioned his name.

    I had a miserable day at work, and now all I want to do is sleep, so I don't think about this anymore.

    Pull yourself together you bloody idiot.
    If you want to know more, then ask her. If you want to wallow, and "sleep cos you had succccch a hard day" then do that instead.
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