If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Funny lyrics
Indrid Cold
Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
You can post funny lyrics of songs here, if you feel like it. 
My contribution:
Dr. Stein - Helloween
Once they killed his monster when it went into a trap
Now he's making better ones, on a higher step
On a warm summer day
The doctor went away
To the place where he could make it real
His assistant's hips were nice
So he cloned her once or twice
Now his hips are aching, what a deal
Dr. Stein grows funny creatures
Lets them run into the night
They become great rock musicians
And their time is right
Sometimes when he's feeling bored he's calling it a day
He's got his computers set and they do it their own way
They mix some DNA
Some skin and a certain spray
You can watch it on a lazer screen
And the fellow's blue and grey
Or sometimes pink and green
Just check it out on Halloween
Dr. Stein grows funny creatures
Lets them run into the night
They become great politicians
And their time is right
One night he cloned himself
Put his brother on a shelf
But when he fell asleep that night
It crept up from behind
And thought "Well, never mind"
Took a syringe and blew out his life
Dr. Stein grows funny creatures
Lets them run into the night
They become a great possession
And their time is right
Dr. Stein grows funny creatures
Lets them run into the night
They become a great oppression
And their time is right
My contribution:
Dr. Stein - Helloween
Once they killed his monster when it went into a trap
Now he's making better ones, on a higher step
On a warm summer day
The doctor went away
To the place where he could make it real
His assistant's hips were nice
So he cloned her once or twice
Now his hips are aching, what a deal
Dr. Stein grows funny creatures
Lets them run into the night
They become great rock musicians
And their time is right
Sometimes when he's feeling bored he's calling it a day
He's got his computers set and they do it their own way
They mix some DNA
Some skin and a certain spray
You can watch it on a lazer screen
And the fellow's blue and grey
Or sometimes pink and green
Just check it out on Halloween
Dr. Stein grows funny creatures
Lets them run into the night
They become great politicians
And their time is right
One night he cloned himself
Put his brother on a shelf
But when he fell asleep that night
It crept up from behind
And thought "Well, never mind"
Took a syringe and blew out his life
Dr. Stein grows funny creatures
Lets them run into the night
They become a great possession
And their time is right
Dr. Stein grows funny creatures
Lets them run into the night
They become a great oppression
And their time is right
Post edited by JustV on
0
Comments
I've got friends
I've got friends, yeah
I've got friends who can touch their toes
Green grasshoppers have red assholes
Annd pricks like to look down their nose
Jimmy Hoffa didn't just disappear
You never drink liquor after you drink beer
Midgets have nothing to fear
If your standards are low getting laid ain't hard
You won't find tacos or cats on Mars
And lemon's the worst Rancher by far
I know burgers are good with fries and bats are as they should be
Leathery wings that ride the air like Rock Hudson rode Fred Astaire
Dogs are smart but not like pigs
Old folks can taste sweet as figs
Secrets of this pretty world that we can't know are like a pearl
They begin as small as sand and also they are found in clams
Velcro's better than lace up shoes
It's better than a zipper on a jacket too
There's nothing that Velcro can’t do
Ten blondes don't equal one hot brunette
If you gotta go fast you better take a jet
Birds make the worst kind of pets
I know burgers are good with fries and bats are as they should be
Leathery wings that ride the air like Rock Hudson rode Fred Astaire
Dogs are smart but not like pigs
Old folks can taste sweet as figs
Who wants to taste my general tso...you want to taste my general
tso
I'm-a give it to you now
Who like my chopstick
hit you when I shit with my little-ass dick. Yellow
If you wanna see me eat Jell-O
I never seen nothin' like you before
I can kick you higher than you can kick me
I can kick you way up into a tree
Who wants a taste of my oo-long tea? Ho ha ho ha ho chi chi
Everybody in the phone book name Chang wanna see my wang?
Neva Good God hit the gong with a bang. WAAA?
Everybody wanna see me throw a fireball but that's not right not
in real life
You will fall down and break a leg
Everybody wanna see me break a leg? Well I don't
but I like fried rice and I got lice
Ching chow woah ching wang woo wice
that ain't nice Four for the cookie I only touch it twice
Delivery is free but not from me I only swallow dolla fifty
fifty five. wanna see me GO GAA? Hit you with the lang. HAI
YA!
War when I hit you with the shit do a split
Take a shit have to go eat my shit kung-fu
Want my buffet? You fucking gay, ah
Wai-lo hit you with the hay Stay the fuck away
Hit you in the balls. Only Americans eat duck sauce
And my soy sauce is for you, I can put it in your shoe
Watch this- I can tiptoe while you take a piss
In my bathroom spy on you while your little boy shits
WAAAAAAAAI-YAH!
I can kick you if you don't pay the bill
And if you want a little mint, that's fifty cent, bitch
Everything cost a little bit
So don't expect nothin for free, at least from me Ching Chang
Chewie
I got you from Taiwan city and Hong Kong
I just smoked a bong and I can do it all night long
And don't mistake me for a Viet Cong
I can get you and tackle you take you never see me
When I get you and make you
Rope you up and put you in a bamboo cage and make you feel all
my rage
Poke you with a little stick till you page your buddies to come
napalm me
God damn that shit burned blew away my whole city
Ho Chi Minh Shoot a load on your chin
God damn thats a sad goygo goodbye
And if you wanna come on in
You can work in to my world where the yellow shit begins HAI
YA
Can't be tamed
I got shit to control your brain and it's called
Egg Foo Yung, En Lo Main
So come on in baby and have it just the same HAI YA! HAAAAAH!
No wok tow ung di day
HA, I don't suppose ha haha Huh?
huhhhuhu huh
Anything from Weird Al too.
Vulcanize the whoopee stick
In the ham wallet
Cattle prod the oyster ditch
With the lap rocket
Batter dip the cranny ax
In the gut locker
Retrofit the pudding hatch
Ooh la la
With the boink swatter
If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I Brazilian wax poetic so hypothetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
Marinate the nether rod
In the squish mitten
Power drill the yippee bog
With the dude piston
Pressure wash the quiver bone
In the bitch wrinkle
Cannonball the fiddle cove
Ooh la la
With the pork steeple
If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I Brazilian wax poetic so hypothetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where pronto
I Couldn't Wait For My Blind Date
I Did Not Sleep That Night
Could I Catch The Perfect Match
Would She Be Mrs. Right!?
A Quiet Lass So Middle Class
Dignified, Meek & Mild?
I Faced The Wrath Of A Psychopath
& A Woman That Went Wild
Before Too Long It All Went Wrong
She Weren’t The One For Me
But I Was Trapped
When I Got Slapped By A Raving Loony
She Got Mean, She Caused A Scene
I Said "You're Not My Type"
But I Gave In, How Could I Win?
As She Threw Another Swipe...Ferociously
My Wife's A Psychopath
Throws A Fit Then She Hides In The Bathroom
My Wife's A Psychopath Aooeee
My Wife's A Psychopath. Always On The Warpath
After Me, Mentally Deranged!
I'm Black & Blue, I Said "We're Through"
I'm Cuts N' Scrapes N' Scars
She Clenched Her Fist, I Ducked, She Missed
So I Kicked Her Up The Arse!
She Yelled & Squealed As I Revealed
I Had Learnt Some Self Defense
I Smashed Her Face In, Just In Case
Coz I Hate Violence...It's Not For Me
Psycho Psycho She's A Bleedin' Psycho
This is an ACE! You have to listen to the song aswell. Lead singer sounds like pupil with mutating voice.
My daddy left home when I was three
And he didn't leave much to ma and me
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.
Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me "Sue."
Well, he must o' thought that is quite a joke
And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk,
It seems I had to fight my whole life through.
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head,
I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named "Sue."
Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean,
My fist got hard and my wits got keen,
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame.
But I made a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars
And kill that man who gave me that awful name.
Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
And I just hit town and my throat was dry,
I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew.
At an old saloon on a street of mud,
There at a table, dealing stud,
Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me "Sue."
Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had,
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
He was big and bent and gray and old,
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do!
Now your gonna die!!"
Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
And he went down, but to my surprise,
He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear.
But I busted a chair right across his teeth
And we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer.
I tell ya, I've fought tougher men
But I really can't remember when,
He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss,
He went for his gun and I pulled mine first,
He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile.
And he said: "Son, this world is rough
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
And I knew I wouldn't be there to help ya along.
So I give ya that name and I said goodbye
I knew you'd have to get tough or die
And it's the name that helped to make you strong."
He said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.
But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you "Sue.'"
I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
And I called him my pa, and he called me his son,
And I came away with a different point of view.
And I think about him, now and then,
Every time I try and every time I win,
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him
Bill or George! Anything but Sue! I still hate that name!
:thumb: Always makes me laugh.
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall
As soon as he married her and then she starts
To do the things that will break his heart
But if you make an ugly woman your wife
A-you'll be happy for the rest of your life
An ug-a-ly woman cooks meals on time
And she'll always give you peace of mind
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
[Sax solo]
Don't let your friends say you have no taste
Go ahead and marry anyway
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don't match
Take it from me, she's a better catch
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
[Spoken:]
Say man!
Hey baby!
I saw your wife the other day!
Yeah?
Yeah, an' she's ug-leeee!
Yeah, she's ugly, but she sure can cook, baby!
Yeah, alright!
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
should be
michael jackson - 'old biddy' (is it a friend of mine?)
This is a song for the ladies
But fellas listen closely
You don't always have to fuck her hard
In fact sometimes that's not right to do
Sometimes you've got to make some love
And fuckin give her some smoochies too
Sometimes ya got to squeeze
Sometimes you've got to say please
Sometime you've got to say hey
I'm gonna Fuck you softly
I'm gonna screw you gently
I'm gonna hump you sweetly
I'm gonna ball you discreetly
And then you say hey I bought you flowers
And then you say wait a minute sally
I think I got somethin in my teeth
Could you get it out for me
That's fuckin teamwork
Whats your favorite posish?
That's cool with me
Its not my favorite
But I'll do it for you
Whats your favorite dish?
Im not gonna cook it
But ill order it from Zanzibar
And then I'm gonna love you completely
And then I'll fuckin fuck you discreetly
And then I'll fucking bone you completely
But then I'm gonna fuck you hard
Hard
Ahaha. Ha. Ha.