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single for the first time in a long time.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
my gf of over 4 years and I broke up yesterday. she was my first and only gf, the only person I've ever slept with, or kissed.
we both still love each other, but the passion in our relationship (from her side) died out over the last year or so, to the point that she'd turn away when I went to kiss her & she went completely off sex. we both came to the conclusion that despite loving each other to bits the romantic side of our relationship had died :(

the only thing that would have solved it would have been spending lots of time together, but we are...were in a long distance relationship as I've moved away to do an MSc so that's the one thing that was not an option.

I'm completely lost, I'm down and feel pretty depressed. I feel like it's my fault that the passion and intimacy died out of our relationship, even when she says it was her & not me. I tried everything, to no avail.

I really dont know what to do with myself, I've never been one for the dating game, and honestly, I'm scared and lonely :(

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry to hear that, must be hard.

    whatever you do don't blame yourself. sometimes relationships just run their course and when they do, there's not a lot of point in carrying on. it's better to end it on good terms.

    you don't have to go out on the pull or dating or anything yet, you'll need some time to come to terms with it first.

    chin up. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks,

    I know i'm under no obligation to go out and pull or anything, it's just I feel kinda lost like I said :(

    also I cant bring myself to tell my freinds just yet, I feel kinda ashamed that it's not worked out... *sighs*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you have nothing to be ashamed about. 4 years is a long time, more so when you're young.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just think of this as a chance to gain some experience and be greatful that you havent spent the rest of your life wondering what else is out there.
    Oh and a bit of advice, dont go and pull anyone until you completely ready to move on - i've done that before and it only feels like youre cheating.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah I have no thoughts of being with anyone right now, I just have never had to deal with this before and it's hard :( (not that I expected otherwise)

    maybe chips will make me feel better. mmm chips.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nooooo! Hit the gym, eat loads of protien. Will make you feel a lot better. Chips will make you feel like shit, which will make you feel even more like shit.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry to hear that :(

    You eat all the chips it takes!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry to hear that :(

    You eat all the chips it takes!!

    I'm stuffed now :thumb:

    (didn't help much)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    when i'm down about something i find going to the gym helps. it takes my mind off it and makes me feel better about myself. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *big hugs*

    My first love broke up with me for kinda the opposite reasons... he had started to feel like he didnt love me as much as he should over the last few weeks, and like a stupid **** wanted to see what else was out there, so broke up with me before he hurt me later on by cheating or "finding someone else he loved more"

    dick.


    I know how you feel. Its only been 4 weeks for me and I still love him and think about him HEAPS.

    the crying has gone down to a tear up maybe twice a day... I felt lost, empty... i still do, but not as much. Its kinda like, if you had a soul, its gone? Would you say so?

    Hah, I didnt eat. I lost 8kilos over 2 weeks. Not good (well kinda, as I a tubby anyway ;))


    It gets better... slowly. VERY slowly. I still would take him back in a heartbeat though, and I still think about him, and if we'll be together again.


    I'm sorry you have to go through this, I know exactly what you are going through too
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Replicant wrote:
    I'm stuffed now :thumb:

    (didn't help much)

    Ahh but comfort food is where it's at :thumb:

    4 years is a fucking long time though, best thing you can do is have a bit of space from her for a while and just do whatever you feel might cheer you up a bit.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Stop contact. Even though it hurts like hell, and is so tempting to contact her, dont.
    I did this with him, until next feb where we start the *friend* thing. It hurts, but having contact with him when I still feel the way I do, hurts more.

    Have one more meet up if you need to, get it all out or whatever. We did that and I felt better.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sorry to hear about the way your relationship ended Love:TheRedOfTheRose, that really wasnt very nice of him.

    I have ceased contact with her, as I know it'd make it harder for us both it's even harder knowing we both still love each other though...
    Easy to keep out of her way, we dont live anywhere near each other currently.

    Unfortunately, I also dont live anywhere near any of my friends having recently moved away to do an MSc, so that sucks too. I was guna go to the pub with my flatmate early, but I think he went without me, bastard :(

    and Bri-namite, you're right about the comfort food :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes, it was quite selfish of him, but I cant hate him. At least he didnt cheat on me huh? :p


    Friends are good for the first week or two, then you'll notice that some may get bored with you constantly being depressed. I found this and SCC knows too. Though I do have a couple who I can talk to whenever and cry to. The first month anniversary was hard, I was at school for a tutorial and my friend asked why I was sad, and I said "its the 5th..."
    We went down to the toilets and I cried and cried and we hugged heaps.
    Would have been a funny sight as she is 5'2" and I'm 5'7" and x2 the size of her hehehe

    Are you guys going to try the 'friends' thing?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    eventually, I guess. we have no prior arrangements, as I told her I couldnt bring myself to stay in touch with her right now if she's not mine any more :(

    I just cant stand the thought of talking to her on the phone without saying something naughty, or being in the same room as her and not being able to jump on her for no particular reason... so I am certainly not about to entertain the idea that we could be friends any time soon.

    which is a bit of a pity, because I know she sees.... saw me as her best freind as well as bf :(

    but like I said, all of my friends are far far away, so I'm all on my lonesome dealing with this. *sighs* once I get all my assessments out of the way for this semester I'll go visit some of them. (they live in the same city as her, dont wana bump into her, I cant begin to imagine how difficult that would be :no: )
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know what you mean.

    When we met up for "closure" I didnt know how to act... what was crossing the line with touching and stuff. We ended up sitting opposite eachother, My hands on his legs... sometimes touching hands. Then he started touching my face and we kissed... and had sex lol

    ANYWAY...

    I dont know how the 'friend' thing is going to work for us either. I know i will want to just hold his hand and everything...

    Its hard when you have so much in between you. Rich and I used to show affection by meowing. thats going to be weird now.

    *sigh*

    PM me if you want to vent out or anything :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Replicant wrote:
    I just cant stand the thought of talking to her on the phone without saying something naughty, or being in the same room as her and not being able to jump on her for no particular reason



    sometimes when i think about it too much i'm still the same now with my ex (we split up a year ago dammit!!) - though only to a very small degree. everyone in your situation would feel the same - only time can make you feel better about that one.



    Replicant wrote:
    which is a bit of a pity, because I know she sees.... saw me as her best freind as well as bf :(

    you can still be best friends - just because your relationship came to an end doesn't mean your friendship has to. maybe not just yet but give it time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to hear this Rep. It's always bad when a relationship ends, especially one that's run into years. It may be the last thing you want to hear but you WILL get over this and find someone. Yeah, i know what you're thinking, but honestly it will happen. In months/years to come you'll think back and say 'Yeah, that chubby homo with HIV and barmy as a barmy thing was right' :D The last thing we want to hear when things like this happen is 'You'll get over it', but you will. Trust your aunty Kevin on this ;)

    I think your right having a break from contact with her and, as you we're really good friends apart from the raltionship, hopefully in the future you can form some kind of friendship. Pity we're not closer, could of gone out for a bevvy and told you some of my funny stories :)

    All the best for the future

    XxX
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to hear that man. Unfortunately, I think I'm about to be put in the same situation.

    First love is always the hardest to get over. Chin up. Fight the good fight.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    First love is always the hardest to get over. Chin up. Fight the good fight.


    good, cause I dont think we want to go through this again heh


    Am I right in thinking that this was real sudden for you? Was for me. One minute fine, next BANG! "Wtf just happened? You told me you wanted to live together and now this?!?!"


    *sigh*


    You'll have your good and bad days after a few weeks of total bad days.

    Today was a bad day for me.

    *more hugs*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    Its hard when you have so much in between you. Rich and I used to show affection by meowing. thats going to be weird now.
    Ha I thought we would be the only couple to do such things. Well we used to, it was one of many, things move on, it comes back everynow and then though :razz:

    Quite coincidental though ...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal wrote:
    Ha I thought we would be the only couple to do such things. Well we used to, it was one of many, things move on, it comes back everynow and then though :razz:

    Quite coincidental though ...


    Hah yeah. I was Kitty and he was Puppy. It ended up being our names more than Katie and Richard. There are so many things that remind me of him like that. He had this thing for pandas too heh. Really sucks when you establish things between you, that you did all the time... makes me want to not ever do it again.

    We did so much together, yet not enough. God I miss him. 2 1/2 months till we start talking... i want him now :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rep, apologies in advance for hijacking your thread but sadly I am now in the same situation and need to get some shit off my chest.

    Well it happened today. After weeks of umming and aahing, weeks of uncertainty, she finally ended it today. Since she left to go travelling and left me stuck in fucking Bristol doing my fucking finals, things have been strained. A far cry from the status that we were in before she left, she has started to 'find herself', is happy being alone, independent and free, and has decided that she doesn't know what she wants at the moment, whether it be relationship or nay, and decided it would be better to end it rather than to drag it out and leave me in the dark until February when I could have otherwise have seen her.

    In her own words, she was holding me back and she is setting me free.

    I still love her more than I could possibly express on a message board and we were both crying our eyes out over the phone but now it's over. It could start back up again when she comes home but I don't want to think about that now. She says that I am the first person she wants to see when she gets back but at the moment, I just want to sit and feel sorry for myself.

    3 years and 4 days is a lot. My first love, such an amazing woman, my best friend in the entire world, I just ask, was I such a shit boyfriend? Was my flying 2,500 miles around the world to be with her for just one day, to surprise her for her birthday when she thought I was in Ecuador, not good enough? Were all the personal sacrifices that I made last year, during my year abroad, when I was meant to be taking a break from uni and having fun, to help her and get her the 1st in her finals that we all knew she could not sufficient? What did I do to deserve this? The answer, regrettably, is nothing. I am merely a victim of circumstance. I am fortune's fool.

    God I miss her. I love her so much and I still can't quite believe this has happened. Thank you for reading. Much love to all of you.

    Joe x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sorry to hear about your relationship ending thunderstruck, it really seems like you did sacrifice a lot for her, that perhaps she never realised :(
    I think she did the honest thing by ending it and not dragging it out though, it would only hurt more finding out that for months she had known that would have been the outcome.

    I saw a lovely picture of myself with my ex for the first time today, really miss her *sighs*
    RubberSkin wrote:
    Pity we're not closer, could of gone out for a bevvy and told you some of my funny stories :)

    thanks, thank woulda been nice :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It seems to be happenning to a lot of us. We are good people... what did we ever do? Rich didnt really know what he wanted either. He wanted to see if this was what love was. He became confused and also didnt want to hurt me later on. "its not you, its me" seems to be the case for us.

    I just want to stop thinking about him, but I cant. I hear songs and see on tv and movies of situations like this, yet they come back together. I hope this happens for all of us. "if we're meant to be together, we will be again" is what he said to me. Its in fates hands. We cannot change that. And until then, all we have to do is get through each day.

    My apologies also, Replicant, but know that we are all here for you, going through the same feelings of emptiness and confusion.

    xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no need to apologise, at least I know someone else is awake at this hour! but then I guess it's not nearly 4am where you are... she said a similar thing to me, if we are meant to be together, then perhaps we'll get together again at a later date. but know that this breakup was just as hard on her as it was for me I really dont know what's going to happen.

    I've been having trouble sleeping and not generally getting to sleep before 5am since I've been feeling down, too much going through my head. it's depleted my motivation and I dont really want to do anything either *grumbles*
    really need to get off my arse and go to the pool for some exercise so I can atleast sleep better.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would cry myself to sleep and cry when I woke up. Sorry, correcting; i would howl myself... heh. I couldnt go to work that weekend or to school for 2 days. It was awful. I told a friend (a friend that I had made only this year, and even then, only friends at school type of thing) about it, really before anyone else. She and her bf have had a lot of 'breaks' and have been going out the same amount of time he and I had, so she knew what i was going through. She bought me a box of chocolates. That was the best thing that anyone has ever done for me. Its people like that that make you happy, if even for a little while.

    I'm so confused and lost because it was sudden and like, how can things change in such a short amount of time. He told me he wanted us to live together... ??? He isnt a bad guy... even he doesnt know why... he has his reasons, but he is also confused at his reasons and feelings.

    Dont we all just want to wake up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Rep. I guess I owe it to myself to get on with it. I have finals to do and a degree to obtain and though her timing sucks something awful. I can't let it get to me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Replicant wrote:
    she said a similar thing to me, if we are meant to be together, then perhaps we'll get together again at a later date.

    my ex said this to me when we split up. i think as time goes on you'll realise it's not always a good idea. my ex said he didn't think he'd be able to get back with me because he wouldn't want to split up with me again (of course he can't think about anything not ending!) as he knew how hard it was.

    it helped me at the time, but like i say i don't think it's something that can always happen. who knows, me and my ex might get back together one day but i'm not so sure.

    before his dad married his mum, he asked another lady to marry him. she said no and then he met his mum and they got married..had kids etc. then they divorced and he bumped into this lady again. they're married now! kinda sweet i think. my ex used to say we could be like that but i think for him, things have changed since then.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I find once I get over someone, I could never get back with them, I heal pretty quickly and once I've healed it's completely gone.
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