If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Advice for a newbie?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi guys, I've been visiting this site for a while now but this is the first time I've actually got round to posting anything.
Firstly, Happy New Year to you all! Hope everyone's xmas and new years were great.
Anyway, I hope you don't mind me asking for help having only just started posting but I'm a bit screwed up at the moment....over xmas and new year I went with this guy (who I've known and liked for ages) but now I don't know where i stand. We didn't sleep together so it could be worse but i still feel like maybe i shouldn't have done anything until i knew that it would actually mean more to him than just a one-off thing that happened more than once. We did share a kiss a few months ago too, (I'm ashamed to say when I was in a relationship) so its not like this is all new. He hasn't had a g/f for a while cos his last one really messed him up so it could be that he's just scared, or that he doesn't like me enough for it to go anywhere. also...there's an age gap...I'm 16 and he's 22...I think that is probably the main problem cos he's said more than once something along the lines of "if only you were older.." What do you all think about this? Should i leave it on the grounds of the age thing and just try and forget about it or what? Anyone else been in this kinda situation before? Maybe I'm just not the type to be able to move on quickly from something...arggh! Sorry to go on, there's probably stuff I've left out but i think u get the general idea and I don't wanna totally bore you straightaway!
Any help gratefully received!
Firstly, Happy New Year to you all! Hope everyone's xmas and new years were great.
Anyway, I hope you don't mind me asking for help having only just started posting but I'm a bit screwed up at the moment....over xmas and new year I went with this guy (who I've known and liked for ages) but now I don't know where i stand. We didn't sleep together so it could be worse but i still feel like maybe i shouldn't have done anything until i knew that it would actually mean more to him than just a one-off thing that happened more than once. We did share a kiss a few months ago too, (I'm ashamed to say when I was in a relationship) so its not like this is all new. He hasn't had a g/f for a while cos his last one really messed him up so it could be that he's just scared, or that he doesn't like me enough for it to go anywhere. also...there's an age gap...I'm 16 and he's 22...I think that is probably the main problem cos he's said more than once something along the lines of "if only you were older.." What do you all think about this? Should i leave it on the grounds of the age thing and just try and forget about it or what? Anyone else been in this kinda situation before? Maybe I'm just not the type to be able to move on quickly from something...arggh! Sorry to go on, there's probably stuff I've left out but i think u get the general idea and I don't wanna totally bore you straightaway!
Any help gratefully received!
0
Comments
Don't take life seriously because you can't come out of it alive
I don't know if I love him but there's definitely something there and has been for a while now. No, we're not together-that's the problem. Have I just been used??
tell him you know there is a small age gap but tell him you are prepared to give it a go if he is.
Most of my bf's have been like four years older than me or more and im only 16 too.
I reckon once you talk to him and tell him what you feel and see how he feels you can take it from there, but theres no point beating urself up about this,
the longer you leave it the worse it'll get and once you know what he feels you can go from there just cross one bridge at a time and tell him how you feel.
WEll thats what i'd do anyway, it might be hard but its better than not knowing.
Good luck.
Do u think that if he doesn't contact me then it's not worth it though, should i 'chase him' like that?!
Anyway,
hmmmmm, what did i say now, flippin heck, right,
I reckon first off you need to tell him how you feel, if i was you id try and do it in person that way he can see it in oyur eyes that you really mean it and you can have a good chat about the age thing and whether it is an issue or not and all the other stuff without your credit running out or someone telling you to get off the phone,
if he says he doesnt want anything more woth you than a friendship id just accept what he says and dont get on his case about it,
he may be shocked and say he wants some time to thinkabout it, if he does give him the space that he needs,
i think you should tell him sooner rather than later cos the longer you leave it the harder its gonna get.
GOod Luck
And welcome curly.
I didn't lose my mind, it was mine to give away.
I just say what i would do in that situation.
I find its easy to give advice when your not personally involved.
Ok, good advice Spirit I'll try and get it sorted. Thanks to you both for listening..oh.. and hi Turtle!
I didn't tell you to respond, did I!!!??? Now shut up and stop basking in my glory <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
j/k luv ya really <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
I didn't lose my mind, it was mine to give away.
I think that you really like this guy and it seems to me like u r scared that he is gonna reject u.
U said that u have had kisses 2gether b4, so he must like u!
I personally think u should tell him how u feel cos for all u know he could really like u but doesnt want to say nothing, you'll never know if you dont tell him,
at the end of the day though it is ur choice whether u tell him or not and if it makes u feel uncomfortable telling him then dont do it,
u could be missing out on a really good relationship though and u'll alaways be wondering what if.
I think ur probably right-I am really worried about being rejected <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"> so thought that him not saying anything means he's not bothered. And i will be wondering for a long time if i don't find out i spose..it's just hard to pluck up the courage in case i do hear something i'd rather not! I can't decide what's worse...not knowing or knowing and not liking what i know!
If your gonna tell him dont rush into it,
think about what you r gonna say to him,
what you want form a relationship with him, cos if he does want to be with you he's gonna want to know how seriously ur taking it and all that sort of relationship stuff,
if he wants you then get in there and make the most of it,
if he doesnt remembe that life goes on and you still got him as a friend if thats what you want,
and if you dont tell him ur gonna have to sort ur feelings for him out in your head cos u cant carry on liking him 4 eva,
u never know though, if you dont tell him the feelings might just fade away gradually and you may just get over him.
Good luck.
And what ever you decide i hope it goes ok and remember to let us know.