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Ok whats all this about then .. confused..
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Okkk i thought i wouldnt need to post in here for a while but why the hell not!
Just been left abit confused about a situation with an ex .. im sure alot of you who replied know about the story with my ex .. im still finding it really hard to get over her. I decided a couple of weeks back to send her a letter when i was back home for the weekend from uni. I know maybe some of you might not have sent the letter but i did and it helped abit to get it all down and i guess to let her know EVERYTHING about how i feel and all that.
The response to it wasn't particulary great .. she text saying ohh i wish i could make you feel better, make you happy like before .. that kinda thing and i thought from that, that i guess that was it .. i thought after the letter it would be time to actually try and move on .. i didnt expect to hear from her and i kinda promised myself not to contact her.
But tonights just really confused me .. maybe i read too much into these things but still its weird.
Was on MSN, decided not to block her from my list or anything .. but i havent contacted her through it when she was on. But anyway .. she just randomly pops up and asks me a question saying ..
"oh im looking into universities for next year, i was looking at aston(where i am) and i was thinking if it was ok for me to think about going there next year", she just kept asking me ... basically asking for my permission.. if it was ok for her to think about it. I know it may seem like an innocnet question but its like nothings happened .. like nothing i wrote downs gone in .. and whys she even thinking about going to the same uni as me now after all i said .. what brought that into her head?? May seem stupid etc .. i dunno ... just confused me a little.
Why was she so keen to get my permission? .. to make her feel better that if i say yes it means i feel ok about it? I just told her its her decision, i dont have any right to make that kind of decision for her. I know its like a whole year away and more then likely things will be different .. its just her timing of asking me that .. i dunno .. confusing!
Just been left abit confused about a situation with an ex .. im sure alot of you who replied know about the story with my ex .. im still finding it really hard to get over her. I decided a couple of weeks back to send her a letter when i was back home for the weekend from uni. I know maybe some of you might not have sent the letter but i did and it helped abit to get it all down and i guess to let her know EVERYTHING about how i feel and all that.
The response to it wasn't particulary great .. she text saying ohh i wish i could make you feel better, make you happy like before .. that kinda thing and i thought from that, that i guess that was it .. i thought after the letter it would be time to actually try and move on .. i didnt expect to hear from her and i kinda promised myself not to contact her.
But tonights just really confused me .. maybe i read too much into these things but still its weird.
Was on MSN, decided not to block her from my list or anything .. but i havent contacted her through it when she was on. But anyway .. she just randomly pops up and asks me a question saying ..
"oh im looking into universities for next year, i was looking at aston(where i am) and i was thinking if it was ok for me to think about going there next year", she just kept asking me ... basically asking for my permission.. if it was ok for her to think about it. I know it may seem like an innocnet question but its like nothings happened .. like nothing i wrote downs gone in .. and whys she even thinking about going to the same uni as me now after all i said .. what brought that into her head?? May seem stupid etc .. i dunno ... just confused me a little.
Why was she so keen to get my permission? .. to make her feel better that if i say yes it means i feel ok about it? I just told her its her decision, i dont have any right to make that kind of decision for her. I know its like a whole year away and more then likely things will be different .. its just her timing of asking me that .. i dunno .. confusing!
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Comments
I'll venture a few possibilites though: first, this bit "she text saying ohh i wish i could make you feel better, make you happy like before" makes me think she was suggesting the idea of getting back together. I have no idea of course if this is what she really wants but that prhase sounds to me that she was suggesting it. Following from that lead, the questions about going to your same university seems like she was treading the waters to see where you stand in that possibility.
Another option is that she was trying to assess where you stand at present in relation to her, with no getting back together agenda in mind, just to know where you are. But I'd venture enough to say that the possibility has certainly crossed her mind, regardless of wether she would want to or not given the chance.
OK but enough guessing, because one can go on and on forever like this and finally it turns out to be more confusing. I just want to say that your answer was ACE :thumb: about her coming to your Uni. Basically I think you dodged her attempts at making you reveal where you stand in terms of your relationship to her, wether intentionally or not you did it nicely. You don't have to reveal anything.
Whatever happens though, do try and be true to the resolutions you've made about your life and her, remember to just do what is best for you. I don't think you owe this girl anything. And don't tire yourself out by trying to decypher what she means, if I remember correctly she was the one who didn't appreciate you enough so if she's been having second thoughts about you or needs to be relieved of guilt or whatever, the weight is on her side to be brave and forward about what she means and wants. You just sit and relax and enjoy the view love, your work here is done.
All the best :thumb:, and remember I
I
I guess yeah your right, i've kinda done my bit in saying everything to her. I know its stupid to start trying to break it all down .. every word and all that .. but i can't help doing that and i have to admit it made me think maybe she stills feels something. I know its stupid to go down that route but anyone i guess. I was going to ask her like why shes doing this now etc .. i was about to text her about it but i dunno maybe i should just leave it .. shes obviously thinking about something and i know its stupid as i imagine shes still with this other guy (i dont wanna know).
I think your right though, i think she was having a dig to see how i would respond to see where she stands with me. She should know from the letter what i feel and such so i dont know why shes doing it.
But as you say though, im just gonna try and stick to the no contact thing which is hard enough as it without her popping up on MSN. I know i cant like just sit and see if theres a glimmer of hope, deep down i think that, i gotta carry on trying to move on. Part of what i feel for her will never go away.
Thanks
I can totally relate to how you're feeling Goodfella. Deep down we always have that feeling of hope that somehow our heart's desires can be met, even if that person has hurt us in the past. But I have also found it is a part of growing up to learn to live with these feelings and carry on. In the end it's about learning to take care of yourself.
*Big hug*
But i guess this whole thing has showed me that anything can happen .. you could be happy and then sad in an instant but then out of that you never know whats next .. anything could be round the corner for me and everyone else i guess.
Only advice i do have is to delete her from MSN. dont block, but delete, so if she wants to talk to you, she can, but you dont have the temptation to talk or reminder that shes there.
Its helping me...
*hugs*
it'll take time, in the meanwhile don't do anything silly.
She probably informed herself about a few unis and compared them (location might be important too, that she's not toooo far from where she wants to stay), and she asks you for your "permission", because she does not want you to believe that you are the trigger that she comes to study at aston.
If you say, "hell no.. study anywhere else." she probably has a second uni that is equally favorite, or she does not give a bull about your prohibition.
Don't read too much in it. It's kind of her to ask tho.
Remember that uni is a large facility (I reckon it is in london too), so if she is studying something completely different than you, chances are you'll never see her).
chin up mate.
Hmm i guess ... i guess anythings possible but its the first uni shes looked at .. why is she asking me, fair enough i go to this uni but why does she need to ask me if she can come.
It's not a real permission. I mean chances are she respects your desire for her to go to hell, but chances are too, that she's just "asking" (not a real question), for you to "acknowledge" it.
Like, "I am going to study at Aston, you got me?"
She was just being friendly.